Adopt a Child

Are you considering expanding your family by adopting a child? Prospective parents who wish to pursue adoption have more choices than ever before. When you're considering adoption, start by reading up on the different types of adoption and deciding which one meets your needs, then begin the process of finding a good match for your family and welcoming a child into your home.

Steps

Choosing a Path

  1. Consider adopting from a domestic agency. Domestic adoption agencies in the United States work with birth mothers to find adoptive parents.[1] Prospective adoptive parents submit details about themselves to the agencies, who then pass the information to the birth mothers. If a birth mother is interested, the agency facilitates the adoption process.
    • When it comes to adopting from a domestic agency, open adoptions are the most popular route. This means that prospective parents meet and form a relationship with the birth mother (and sometimes the birth father), and often keep in touch after the baby is born. Many families feel that this open process takes the mystery out of adoption and makes it feel more natural for all parties involved.
    • Some agencies still conduct closed adoptions. In this type of adoption, the adoptive parents have no contact with the birth mother, and the baby has no contact with the birth mother after he or she is born. Because closed adoptions are less popular than they used to be, it can be difficult to find an agency and birth mother willing to facilitate one.
  2. Decide whether to pursue independent adoption. Some people prefer to work with an independent lawyer to adopt a child, rather than going through an agency. Prospective parents may alert people they know that they are hoping to adopt a child, or they may ask the lawyer to conduct a search for a birth mother. Either way, the lawyer ensures that the adoption is conducted legally.
    • Adopting independently can give the adoptive parents greater control over the search process, rather than leaving it up to the agency to facilitate a match. The process of adopting independently is often faster than going through an agency.
    • The downside of adopting independently is that it is common for birth mothers to change their minds late in the process. Agencies have a process in place to eliminate this as a risk factor; if you're working independently, make sure your lawyer is highly experienced with adoptions to minimize the chance that this will happen.
    • Conducting your own search for a birth mother is not legal in every state. Make sure finding your own birth mother is legal where you live before pursuing this as an option.[2]
  3. Look into adopting a child from the foster care system. Adopting a child who has been placed in foster care, sometimes referred to as a "waiting child," is another good option to consider. State agencies list the children available for adoption in online databases that usually include photographs and profiles. You can pursue this type of adoption by finding an agency in your area and contacting them for more information.
    • Children in foster care are usually over one year old, and some are in their teens. Many have been waiting a long time for loving parents to bring them into their home. Some children in foster care have disabilities, illnesses or other special needs that have caused them to have to wait longer to be adopted.
    • In some cases children were placed in foster care with their siblings, and they wish to be adopted together. This is something to consider if you're open to adopting more than one child.
  4. Research your options for international adoption.[3] Adopting a child from another country is a popular option among citizens of the United States. To pursue this route, work with a US Agency that has ties with international agencies and can facilitate the process for you.
    • International adoption can be a longer process than domestic adoption, since you have to meet the requirements of two countries instead of one. Conduct research on the adoption policies of different countries to find the one that makes sense for your family.
    • International adoptions may be closed or open, depending on the country. Make sure you're aware of the birth mother's expectations and ties you'll have to the country after the adoption is complete.

Meeting Adoption Requirements

  1. Prepare to finance the adoption. Each type of adoption requires a different set of fees. The process can be very expensive, especially when you factor in travel costs if you are adopting a child who lives in another country. If you're planning to adopt a child soon, anticipate spending up to $30,000 on the adoption (although it isn't always that expensive). Here are some of the expenses you can expect to encounter:
    • Home study fees. Prospective adoptive parents must pay for a home study in which representatives of an agency or the state come to the home to get a sense of how suitable the environment will be for a child.
    • Counseling fees. People adopting through an agency pay for their own counseling, as well as counseling for the birth mother.
    • The birth mother's medical expenses. In many cases adoptive parents pay the birth mother's expenses during her pregnancy. Sometimes they also pay for her room and board, travel, and other expenses.
    • The child's medical expenses. People adopting a child from another country may start paying the child's medical expenses before they even meet the child in person for the first time.
    • Lawyer fees. People pursuing independent adoptions can expect to pay a lawyer for helping them navigate the process. Almost all adoptive parents will hire a lawyer to finish the adoption process.
    • Travel expenses. Parents who are adopting a child from another state or country are responsible for paying for their own travel, hotel and meal expenses.
    • Expenses are often reimbursed for those adopting a child from the foster care system. Adopting a child from the state is the least expensive adoption process. In many cases the parents actually get a tax exemption that goes beyond the travel expenses and court fees required for every adoption.[2] Adopting a child with special needs may make you eligible for an adoption subsidy.[4]
  2. Get familiar with your state laws. In order for the adoption to be conducted legally, you'll need to know which agencies are licensed to complete adoptions in your state. Make sure you follow your state's requirements to a T, so you won't have a legal battle to fight down the line.
    • Even if you aren't planning on adopting independently, it's a good idea to hire a lawyer familiar with the adoption process in your state to make sure everything is done correctly.
    • Remember that some states don't allow people to conduct their own search for birth mothers. Be clear on your state laws in this area before you pursue an independent adoption.
  3. Complete a home study. All prospective adoptive parents must undergo a home study, a process in which a licensed social worker from the adoption agency or the state meets with each member of the family in preparation for the adoption. In addition to examining the family's living situation, the person conducting the home study spends time getting to know the family and making sure they are prepared to have a new family member enter their home.
    • The social worker will ask for birth and marriage certificates, personal references, and other details before finalizing his or her report.
    • At least one meeting with the social worker will be conducted in the prospective parents' home.[5]
    • The prospective parents must complete a criminal and child abuse background check, and in some states they will also be fingerprinted.
    • Parents may begin actively searching for a child to adopt after their home study has been approved.

Finding a Match

  1. Find the right agency for your family. If you're pursuing domestic or international adoption through an agency, it's important to learn as much about the agency as you can before going forward. Meet with representatives from several agencies in person before you decide to move forward with one. Your relationship with the agency you choose could last for many years, so you should choose one in which you have utmost trust and confidence.
    • Talk with other adoptive parents. Join online support networks or local groups that have in-person meetings to discuss the adoption process. Ask questions about experiences others have had with the agencies you're considering.
    • Beware agencies that may try to scam you. Prospective parents are in a vulnerable position; they deeply want to be parents as soon as possible, and they have to place their faith in strangers to make that happen. Some agencies take advantage of this by requiring upfront payment before placing parents on waiting lists for years at a time. Do careful research on each agency's reputation.
  2. Begin a relationship with a birth mother. When it comes to domestic adoptions conducted through an agency or independently, the prospective parents' relationship with the birth mother is key. In many cases the birth mother has the chance to select from among several prospective parents, and she may change her mind if she doesn't feel comfortable with a situation.
    • If you're working with an agency, you will be asked to write a letter to the birth parent(s) and to send photos of you, your family, and your home. This is typically referred to as your profile. Once all the paperwork has been filed and approved, the agency will present your profile to the families wanting to place their baby for adoption. Many birth parents will want to interview you by phone; some will want to meet in person before making their final decision.
    • Have patience during this process. This can be an exciting, anxious, and frustrating time. In some cases adoptive parents hit it off with the birth mother right away, and the adoption goes smoothly; other times, parents have to go through a few false starts before finding the right match.
    • Once you have been selected by a birth parent and you agree to the plan, you are said to be "matched." The birth mother can only sign relinquishment papers after the baby is born. At that time (usually 24–48 hours after the delivery) her parental rights are terminated and at that point (in most states) the relinquishment becomes irrevocable.
    • Be open to the birth mother's needs. When you find a birth mother who agrees to let you adopt her child, you'll need to figure out what relationship you'll have with her during her pregnancy and after the baby is born. The adoption agency or your lawyer can help you negotiate the legal aspects of an open or closed adoption.
  3. Meet the child you're going to adopt. After months of waiting and meeting all the necessary requirements, the time will come when you'll get to meet the child you've been waiting so long to see. This experience will be different depending on which adoption route you choose to take.
    • If you're adopting a child from the foster care system, you may get the chance to meet the child relatively early in the process. You may browse a database such as AdoptUSAkids.org[6] and fall in love with a child online, then contact the agency to express your interest.
      • If the child's social worker thinks you are a good fit, he or she will facilitate a meeting. Since children in foster care are usually older than children adopted via other systems, they often get a say in the adoption process, too.
      • After a few meetings, you'll receive a placement. The child will live with you for several weeks, with frequent visits from the social worker, before the adoption is finalized.
    • If you're adopting a child from another country, your meeting will be dictated by that country's laws. Usually the prospective parents fly to the country and meet the child once, go home to finalize the adoption, then fly back to the country to bring the child home.
    • If you're adopting a baby from a birth mother with whom you have a relationship, you may get to be present in the hospital for the birth.

Finalizing the Adoption

  1. Fill out the paperwork. If you haven't worked with a lawyer up until now, you may want to strongly consider hiring one. Adoptive parents, no matter what type of adoption they choose to have, have mounds of paperwork to fill out before the adoption is complete. A lawyer can help you make sure everything is filled out correctly so you won't have to worry about making a mistake that could cause headaches later.
  2. Go to a court hearing. The final step is to attend a court hearing, during which a judge will rule that the adoption is complete. The adoptive parents are then given a certificate of adoption, which acts as a temporary birth certificate until a new birth certificate is drawn up for the child.
    • For infant adoptions, the birth mother may need to be present to sign over her parental rights.
    • Adoptive parents may be asked to speak about their intent to love and care for their child.
    • The finalization of the adoption process is often celebrated with a post-court hearing party to welcome the child to the family.



Tips

  • Research the adoption agency before selecting one.
  • Consider adopting an older child. They don't need as much care as infants, but sadly, the older they get, the less the chance of them getting adopted is.

Warnings

  • It is important to have realistic expectations of the adoption process. It is a long and tiresome process that can often result in heartbreak, if you do set your expectations too high. Basing this decision and process on reality can help make the process smoother and better.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.americanadoptions.com/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.babycenter.com/0_adopting-smart-how-it-works-and-how-much-it-costs_1373536.bc
  3. ↑ http://adoption.state.gov/
  4. ↑ http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=2129
  5. ↑ http://www.adopt.org/assembled/overview_howto.html
  6. ↑ http://www.adoptuskids.org/
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