Find out if a Person Is Married

Are you interested in someone, but want to make sure he or she isn't married? Have you fallen head-over-heels for a person who might be married? Of course, the easiest way to learn the truth is to ask, but there are a number of other ways to use your detective skills to find out if someone is married.

Steps

Looking for the Signs When You First Meet

1. Look for the wedding ring tanline. Check the left ring finger for tan lines or indentations. If such a sign is there, the person may have recently removed his or her wedding ring. Some married people use this trick to appear single so they can pick up dates when they are away. However, the wedding ring tan line could also mean that the person is recently divorced or separated.
2. Look for signs the person is single. Check out the car the person drives. Is it a station wagon, a minivan, or an SUV? These could be signs the person has a family. Think about other behavioral signs of being single.
   • For example, most single guys cook for themselves or go out to eat a lot. Ask him what he cooked for dinner and the recipe, or ask him for the best places to eat.
3. Listen closely to what they say. Clues to a person's marital status can be found in what they say. How much have they divulged about their lives? Do they talk about someone often that might be their spouse? One key thing to listen for is how they spend their free time. Single people have very different lives than people who are married or who have families. Ask the person what they did over the weekend. Did they go out with friends, go to a bar, a concert, or on a day trip to the city? Or did they sit around the house, have dinner with known married friends, or go to the zoo? The details of how the person spends their free time can help provide important clues.
   • Who does the person talk about spending their time with? Is it always their parents, siblings, or cousins? Does he or she spend every weekend with a group of friends? This might point to a person being single.
4. Pay attention to their socializing habits. Single people have the luxury of going out on a whim, grabbing drinks after work, or meeting for dinner on the weekends. People who are married and who have families do not have the same kind of independence. They may occasionally meet with friends, but most of the time they will go home to their families, or bring their spouses along.
5. Check social media sites. Social media is a great way to determine if someone is married or not. Look at the person's Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram account. Sites like Facebook lists relationship status, and most social media sites allow the posting of pictures. Look for pictures of the person with someone romantically. How recent are the photos? Sometimes people leave up exes on their profile, but if it's recent, they might be involved.
   • Is the person's profile notably bare? Does he have a profile picture? Can you find any photos of him and a potential spouse together buried deep in his list of photos? Does he even have social media accounts? Bare or lack of social media might point to something else going on.
   • Do an online search of his name. See if he has social media accounts if you aren't connected with them. See if his name comes up on any websites, like a company website.

Using Dating Habits to Detect Marital Status

1. See if the person pays for all of your dates in cash. If your new love interest seems to always pay for everything you do in cash, it may because he or she doesn't want the spouse to see the charges on the credit card bills or debit card statements. In today's world, most people pay with things, especially meals, with credit cards. If every date is paid for in cash, this could be a red flag.
   • Some people do carry cash around to pay for cheaper transactions, such as movie tickets and fast food meals. Other people who are financially well off may carry around hundreds of dollars in cash. Most people, however, generally use a mixture of debit cards, credit cards, and cash.
2. Notice if the person has to be home by 10 p.m. Another red flag that someone might be married is the limited times they can see you, especially at night. People who are serious about the person they are dating or who are serious about the budding serious relationship will be willing to extend the date past 10 p.m. Occasionally, they may need to be home at an early hour, like on weekday nights. Weekends, however, should open up the schedule for later dates.
   • Can he only see you between the hours of 6 p.m. and 9:45? If so, then it may be because he has to get home to his wife and family in a reasonable time frame. It's okay if this happens once in a while, but if he always says he has to get back home because of a big meeting the next morning or an early flight, then he may just be making excuses.
3. Think about if you've ever been to the other person's home. Have you been to the person's house? If you've been dating for a few months and haven't seen the person's home, that may be a cause for concern. Listen for constant, flimsy excuses: his place is too messy, or your place is so nice. If you always go back to your place and have no idea where the other person lives, then you might should worry.
   • Find a reason to go back to his home. If he consistently refuses to let you see where he lives, he may be married.
4. Decide if the person's phone habits are abnormal. People who are cheating act very secretive when it comes to phone calls. Decide if the person's phone habits make sense or if there might be cause for concern.
   • Does he receive a lot of phone calls while you are together that he never answers? Does he act nervous or purposefully keep the screen away from you? Do the calls just keep coming? Secretive, evasive behavior like this can indicate that he is married. Make sure not to confuse this with being polite. Some people don't want to answer the phone while on a date. The longer you are together, the more comfortable you should become around one another. Eventually, he should answer a call, especially if he gets them constantly.
   • Does he have two cell phones? Sometimes, this is true for business people. However, people who cheat also can have multiple cell phones. Does he refuse to give you the number? Does he take calls from numbers you never see while out of earshot? These could be red flags.
   • Does he only call you when he's at the grocery store, in the car, at work, or at the park? Have you ever gotten him when he's at home? If he's calling you when he's away from home, this could point to him sneaking out to call you.
   • You get his voice-mail every time you call and he calls you back much later or the next day at work. If you call him randomly and he does answer, does he speak normally, does he sound like he's on a business call, or does he speak much more quietly than normal? Inconsistent phone behavior could point to cheating.
   • He won't give you his home phone number. Many people only have cell phones now, but if he refuses to give you a home number and exhibits other signs, it may be a flag.
5. See if you've never met anyone important in the person's life. If you've been dating for a few months and have never met any of the person's friends or family, then it may be a red flag. Does he talk about his friends and family? Do you know who he spends his time away from you with? Sometimes, people can be hesitant to introduce new love interests to their friends and family. However, if the relationship is getting serious, you've introduced him to your friends, and you still haven't met anyone, he's either not serious or married.
6. Check for unusual patterns to making plans. You never go out on the weekends. He turns down every spontaneous date you suggest. There is never a romantic weekend getaway, or when there is, it's also a business trip. These unusual way of making plans can point to him having an alternate life he can't get away from.

Investigating the Person

1. Ask the person. If you're not sure, be bold and ask. This can be the simplest and most effective way to learn what you need to know quickly. There are different possible ways to go about this:
   • Come right out and ask: "Are you married?" Refrain from asking in an accusatory tone; simply ask out of curiosity.
   • Ask, "Is there anything you're not telling me?" See what the person comes up with.
   • Watch the reaction. Is the person Detect-Lies? Are they averting their eyes, shifting uncomfortably, sweating, or becoming overly defensive?
   • If the person says insists that he or she is not married, then you have to ask yourself why you think he's lying. Are you struggling with trust issues, or is the person just really acting sketchy? If you still feel like something is off, then you may need to end the relationship ASAP. If the person does say he or she is married, then don't waste any more time with him or her. You can get angry and ask a few questions, but get out as soon as you can -- it's just not worth it.
2. Visit the courthouse for a marriage certificate. Go to the courthouse of the city where the marriage was likely to occur. Public records can be useful for finding out whether someone is married now, or what their marriage history has been in the past. Marriage records are public; you can usually see a copy for free or for a small fee. You can usually even tell if the person has applied for a marriage license in the past.
   • You'll need the person's real name to search the public records. If their name is in common usage, such as Mary Smith, you'll also need a middle name.
   • In numerous jurisdictions, you'll also need to know which state or province a person was married in and only search there.
   • Be aware that not all marriage applications or licenses are made public. Some jurisdictions have provisions for keeping this information private. Every state and city differs on what information is available to the public and how it can be obtained, so know the rules of your state and city first.
   • While you're there, check the divorce records, too. Just because you find a marriage record, it doesn't mean the marriage is still in existence.
   • There are websites that collate nationwide public records to allow you to search for marriages. These tend to be considerably more expensive than searching locally available public records, but they might prove convenient. Weigh the cost with the convenience before making your decision.
3. Snoop through the person's things. If you're snooping, then you're doing so at the cost of your relationship. But if you really think this is the best way to find out the truth, then go for it. Here are a few ways to snoop through the person's things to get the answers you need:
   • Look through the person's wallet. Does he have a joint credit card with someone? Or less obviously, does he share a joint card to PetCo, the local Co-op, or another local business with another person? That person may be his spouse.
   • Look through the person's phone. Are there pictures of the person with potential spouses or children? If you have seen a person's office, are there pictures there?
   • Look at the names on the person's mail. Is there another person living in the house? Do they have the same last name? While this may simply indicate that the person lives with their sibling or parent, it may be reason to run a deeper check.
   • Check the person's driveway for two cars. Again, this could be the car of another family member or householder, so don't rely solely on this, but it could be a clue. Are there signs of children at the house?
4. Look up the phone number. It's simple. Check the online while pages or your local phone book to find the person's listing. Search their phone number in an online search engine. Is the person listed as living in the same house as someone who shares his last name, is of the opposite gender, and is clearly not a child or a parent? If so, then this may be a sign that the person is married.
   • This information can be a bit outdated. The person could be divorced or separated since the listing was printed.
5. Be wary of websites that promise divulge marital status. There are dozens of websites out there that promise to tell you the person's marital status if you just type in his or her name, city, and your credit card information. Be wary of these websites. They might not be legitimate.
6. Hire a detective. If you're really desperate, consider hiring a private investigator to do the dirty work for you. Remember that this will probably cost a lot of money, so if you're only looking for a simple "yes, this person is married" or "no, they're not," it's probably not the best idea. On the other hand, there are a lot of red flags and you find yourself falling harder, you might consider the detective work money well spent. Ask for advice from the private investigator before committing to this route.
   • A private investigator may be useful where there are concerns about bigamy or a divorce not yet finalized.

Tips

• What do your friends think? It can be helpful to ask your friends what their impressions are about whether or not the person is married. Obviously, this is not definitive but it can be enlightening to get the opinions of others.

Warnings

• Be careful. If someone is married and has been lying to you, defensiveness is a natural response to try to cover it up. If the person responds defensively and accuses you of lacking trust, there might be an issue to uncover. Innocent people don't usually protest vehemently about trust issues.
• If the other person has been married in a different country, you'll need to know that they lived elsewhere (and when) and then pursue the public records of that country according to their requirements. You may need a translator's help if the language is not one you're familiar with.
• Asking someone doesn't always yield the truth. It can be helpful to take note of various signs to try to piece things together if you're concerned that the person may be lying about his/her marital status.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Look Attractive (Guys)
• Ask a Girl to Hang Out
• Get a Guy Who Has a Girlfriend
• Be Loved by Little Kids
• Be a Gentleman Towards Girls
• Attract Girls Without Being Annoying
• Appear More Beautiful to Men
• Date If You're Over 65 Years Old
• Get an Older Guy to Like You
• Attract a Guy

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