Get Your Boyfriend to Pay More Attention to You and Not His Friends

Being in a relationship can be difficult. It can often feel like you're competing with the rest of the world for each other's time. A healthy relationship is about companionship and communication. It could be your boyfriend doesn't think there is a problem, but he could be pulling away due to stress in his life. In either case, it may be time to take control of your relationship and get things back to normal.

Steps

Determining the Problem

  1. Assess the situation. Ask yourself what could be causing your boyfriend to pull away from you. It could be stress at work, ill-health, anxiety, or family issues.[1]
    • The key to solving any problem is understanding the underlying cause. Don't assume he's pulling away because of something you did.
    • Don't make it "your fault."
  2. Avoid panicking. Stressing out about the status of your relationship will only make things worse. Stress often comes from assumptions made from incomplete data. If you feel yourself getting worked up, take a few deep breaths to clear your head.[2]
  3. Talk with him. The key to any successful relationship is open, honest communication. Try to sit him down and talk with him about how you feel. Don't put the pressure on him, or take an aggressive stance. Let him know you want to spend more time with him. Ask him if he needs to let anything off his chest. [3]
    • It can be difficult to talk about how you feel, even with your boyfriend. A big part of being in a relationship is trusting your partner. If you want to make the relationship work, you both have to open up.[4]
    • Be aware of body language. Are his arms folded? Are yours? Is the tone of the conversation escalating? If you notice these things happening, take a step back. It is possible that one or both of you are not feeling listened to.[4]
  4. Refresh his memory. You've let your boyfriend know you miss him, but you may need to remind him of what he's missing from you. Physical intimacy is a healthy part of a romantic relationship. You don't have to leap into bed with him, but let him know you enjoy his company.[5]
    • Be aware of his boundaries before trying anything intimate. If he's not in the mood for any kind of romancing, don't force it on him.[3]
  5. Stop working for him. If you do his laundry, stop. If you always cook dinner, take a night off. Don't be antagonistic towards him, but make him realize how much you do for him. Your time is valuable, don't let him take advantage of it.[6]
    • This tactic may cause some tension between the two of you. But, in determining the cause of your problems, this may shed some light on the situation.

Working Together

  1. Set a date night. Find a night the two of you can set aside time for each other and stick to it. Hold him accountable for that night every week. You don't have to do anything fancy or expensive, but let him know you want the relationship to be a priority.[7]
  2. Find activities you can enjoy together. Take walks. Go out to eat. Try as many different things as you can until you find a few which you both enjoy. Try thinking back to when you first met him and what activities you did.
    • Be creative and try new things to stimulate your relationship. Offer to do things you know he will like, and encourage him to do the same for you.[8]
  3. Laugh. Laughter can help bring people together, especially in a tense situation. When spending time together, try watching a funny movie, or go to a comedy club. You could even try telling jokes to each other. Don't underestimate the power of laughter.[9]
    • Another way to start laughter is through tickling. Tickling is a show of affection and a sign of play. It's a great example of the give-and-take in relationships.[9]
    • Tickling also has the added benefit of triggering sexual excitement in adults.[9]
  4. Make compromises. Accept that your boyfriend may want to do things you don't enjoy. Be mindful of his needs. If he enjoys watching television, and you enjoy going out, make plans to watch a movie one night and go out the next.[3]
    • This also applies to arguments. If you find that a fight is brewing, take time to consider the situation. Don't focus on who will "win" the argument. The goal is to preserve the relationship. Remember the phrase "agree to disagree."[3]
  5. Try to be friends with his friends. You don't have to change who you are to fit in, just be cheerful and positive. Likewise, invite your man out to spend time with your friends.
    • In doing this, be sure to respect each other's boundaries. Don't assume you will always get invited to hang out with his friends. At the same time, don't feel pressured to invite him everywhere you go.
  6. Be respectful. Give your boyfriend space and allow him his independence. Even though the goal here is to get your boyfriend to spend more time with you, do not smother him. This will likely make him pull further away.[8]
    • Do not demand change. Be supportive and come to terms with the fact that your boyfriend has other friends.[3]
    • Don't play games with him. Don't try to "get him back" by making yourself less available. Instigating drama will only make things worse.[8]

Taking Care of Yourself

  1. Stay strong. People love confidence. It is a desirable trait in a mate. While you are dealing with a neglectful partner, don't let it get you down. Treat yourself right and stay confident in who you are.[6]
    • If you exude confidence, chances are your partner will take notice and want to spend more time with you.[6]
    • Wear clothes that make you feel sexy. If you've always wondered what you would look like with a new hair color, try dyeing it. Do these things for yourself. It's important that you feel good about you.[6]
  2. Be independent. When your boyfriend wants to hang out without you, and he will, find fun ways to occupy your time.
    • Hang out with your friends, or take up a hobby you've always found interesting.
  3. Maintain a healthy lifestyle. Not only will exercise keep you in shape, it will boost your mood and help reduce stress.[10]
    • Even if things are going well in your relationship, it is important to take care of your body.
  4. Stay positive. The best way to attract people (even your boyfriend) is to make sure you are happy with yourself. A positive attitude is a surefire way to get your boyfriend to notice you. Happiness is contagious.[8]
    • Try meditating to help clear your mind and promote a positive attitude.

Tips

  • A girlfriend is still a friend. Be sure to be there for him when he needs it most and he should be there for you too.
  • This is not exclusive to girls. If you are a guy and you feel your girlfriend is neglecting you, most of these steps should still apply.
  • You can't change a person. Don't try. It will not work and that's not what relationships are about.
  • Be patient.
  • Understand each other and don't go by your own feelings and ideas learn to communicate.

Warnings

  • Don't ignore the possibility that your relationship may be ending. If you feel you've given your best effort to fix things, and problems persist, it may be time to move on. If it is, that's okay. Going through a breakup is difficult, but not impossible.

Related Articles

  • Make Friends With a Boyfriend's Buddies
  • Get a Teen's Attention

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201305/stress-in-relationships-10-sources-and-their-antidotes
  2. ↑ http://time.com/3546808/advice-stay-calm-difficult-situations/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 3.4 http://www.campbell.edu/pdf/counseling-services/characteristics-of-healthy-romantic-relationships.pdf
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2009/04/14/9-steps-to-better-communication-today/
  5. ↑ http://datingtips.match.com/boyfriend-out-bromance-13197070.html
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 6.3 http://www.goodtoknow.co.uk/relationships/381260/Get-your-man-to-appreciate-you
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201406/how-much-time-should-couples-spend-together
  8. ↑ 8.0 8.1 8.2 8.3 http://datingtips.match.com/attention-boyfriend-13443196.html
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 9.2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200304/the-benefits-laughter
  10. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469?pg=1
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