Get Your Boyfriend to Stop Ignoring You
Don't you hate it when your boyfriend ignores you or doesn't answer your calls or texts? If so, read this article for some helpful hints.
Contents
10 Second Summary
1. Assess your behavior. Try to see things from his perspective.
2. Slow things down and give them a short break.
3. Be up front and ask him what's bothering him.
4. Reconnect with him. Make an effort to go out on a date.
5. Turn it up a notch if he keeps ignoring you. End it if you suspect cheating.
Steps
Assessing your own behavior
- Consider whether you might have given your boyfriend cause to feel overwhelmed. It may be that he has retreated just to gain some space if you've been too intrusive or intense of late. Maybe you're texting him often, or you've been calling three times an hour for the past three hours. Understand that guys generally appreciate their space and not having to be with you 24/7.
- See things from his perspective. There are a lot of very authentic reasons that might seem as if he is "ignoring" you but actually have nothing to do with you.
- He may actually be busy. You may have the habit of talking daily, then suddenly it stops and you urgently want to chat. It has been a day but you're frantic... And he, well he is actually very busy! When he's busy, you can expect him to cut off the communications until the task is done.
- He doesn't feel well. He has been trying to deal with a head cold, a shoulder pain or a stomach ache. Being the stoic that he is, he has simply stopped replying because he doesn't want to burden you with his pain, or let on that he doesn't even feel so great.
- He is tired. Genuinely, totally pooped. He just wants a bit of space to recover his lost energy, so he's withdrawing for a week of snooze catch-up.
- He has experienced a family issue. He is uncomfortable talking to you about it because he has issues with his crazy/possessive/insane/angry/moralizing/whatever family and it's just all too hard to go into the gritty details. He'd rather you didn't get involved because once you are, awful entanglements will ensue. This can be a very protective stance, both ways.
- He has hit a snag at work. The deadline is looming, the boss is breathing down his neck, the job's future is precarious. He's salvaging what is left of his work opportunity and you are suddenly a distraction.
Slowing things down a little
- Give things a bit of a break. If you think that you might have been a bit too "full on", try pulling back for a while and giving him back the space that you've tried to inhabit. This doesn't mean withdrawing affection or not seeing him at all, it just means learning to pace yourself and take it easy.
- Don't text or call him for an entire day. Try to really stick with it. If he hasn't reached out to you at all during that day, talk with him about what he expects out of a relationship. If you expect something that he won't give you, you may want to look elsewhere for a boyfriend.
- Don't text or call him about pointless things. Don't call him just because Mindy broke up with Seth when your boyfriend doesn't know either of those people. You may think it's important, but he probably doesn't.
- Don't let it get to your head. Getting sad and emotional about it just lowers your appeal and may be the goal of some chauvinistic men. Be happy and smile more. Your days will not be hindered by the fact that he is ignoring you. The happier you are, the more he'll want to feed off that happiness.
Finding out what's bugging him
- Be up front. Ask him if he's ignoring you for any specific reason. Did you bother him? Did you accidentally say something? If he's acting strangely for a specific reason, you'll want to know why so that you don't risk doing it again.
- If he tells you he just needs more space, figure out if you can live with that. If you're the kind of person who wants complete partnership with your boyfriend, and that sort of space is going to be hard for you to deal with, things might not work out.
Reconnecting with him
- Reach out to him on his level. As noted earlier, there can be any number of reasons why your boyfriend might be ignoring you. However, it's possible that he isn't answering because he doesn't think that the things you say are important; he is seeing your nattering as idle chatter, stuff that doesn't really earn a reply or lead to a discussion. Learn to talk to him on his level and he'll be interested in no time; or, leave the celebrity gossip and hair and nails stuff for the girls.
- Talk to him about his passions. Maybe it's sports, maybe it's racing, maybe it's chemistry. It could be anything really. Talk about what he likes to do and be excited about his passions. Every boy has a passion; you just have to find it.
- Ask him questions about the things he likes. Ask him why he likes what he likes. Ask him to explain his favorite hobby, and how he first got interested in it. If you're really excited about something he's excited about, he won't be able to ignore you.
- Don't interrupt him when he's on a roll. When he's all excited about something, let him keep talking. Don't interrupt when he's got momentum.
- Make an effort to go out on a date. Tell him that you want to go on a date, and hopefully he'll get the hint that you want him to set it up. If he doesn't get the hint, then you might have to figure it out yourself. It'll be a small price to pay if the date goes well.
- Remember to do something that he enjoys. Shopping might be something you'd do all day long if you had the chance, but it's probably not his idea of a great date. See if you can go to an amusement park, the movies, a performance of a band he likes, etc.
- Dress your best, put a smile on your face, and wear your hair just the way he likes it. Sometimes, all a guy will need is a little wake-up call that his girl is the prettiest girl on the block. That should shake his funk up.
- Try to focus on good stuff during the date. Keep him engaged. Ask him questions. Be playful, warm-hearted, and optimistic. Give him a chance to make everything better, and remind him of why he's your boyfriend in the first place.
- If the date doesn't go well, tell him that you hoped the date would be an opportunity to really connect, and that you worry you just aren't connecting in the way you used to. If he still doesn't seem to care, he doesn't deserve another shot.
Turning it up a notch
- Demand respect. If he thinks he can get away with ignoring you after your attempts to turn things around, and you let him, then he is getting away with ignoring you. If you demand respect from him, telling him what you will and won't stand for, he won't have any other option.
- Tell him how you feel. Tell him you need better communication, and that you'll try to communicate better too. Tell him if the communication doesn't get better, you might have to consider calling it quits.
- If he loves you and respects you, he'll change in an instant. If he doesn't love you and doesn't respect you, why would you want to be with him?
- Give him a little bit of the cold shoulder. Go hang out with your friends and guy friends. Make sure he understands that you have a life, too, and that he's lucky you're including him in it.
- Most guys will immediately come running back and stop ignoring you, especially if you're hanging out with other guys. They'll get territorial. It's just how guys work.
- If he doesn't come back to you and keeps ignoring you, ask yourself if you want the relationship you're getting. One hundred percent effort from someone else is probably better than 50 percent effort from him.
- If you feel like he's cheating on you, end it. Of course, it helps to have proof: You don't want to break up with him just because you have a "feeling." But if stuff doesn't feel right, have a talk and figure out what's wrong. If nothing is wrong, and that's just how things are, then you probably want to start looking for a new boyfriend, because things just aren't working between you two.
Tips
- Do not jump at every single message or call that you receive, stay calm. If he does call or text you, take your time to reply. A good rule of thumb would be to take twice as long to reply to him as he replies you.
- If the guy uses ignoring as a form of "punishment" to show his displeasure, you may want to inform him that you dislike this form of treatment, when things become better. However, if he continues to do so, you may want out of the relationship because it is not healthy for you to let him treat you this way.
- Sometimes it isn't as bad as it seems. Try waiting a while, then send a text saying something like "Hi! How're you doing?" Often it's just that he's busy, or didn't realise you messaged him. Make sure you text/call when you know he'll be able to respond.
- Don't keep texting him and annoying him if he doesn't reply just forget about it until HE calls.
- Know his friends and family. Then you will know the character of people he's with, if you even should be worried, and set the ground rules from day one. A man respects a woman who respects and loves herself.
- Don't Text/call him when he's on the Toilet
Warnings
- Don't let him walk all over you. Guys expect girls to hang around forever. If things aren't going well, he's ignoring you, and you don't feel good/happy about things, get out of the relationship. You'll feel a lot better with someone who treats you with respect.
