Get Someone to Stop Ignoring You
Being ignored is never fun, whether you're being ignored by your best friend, your sibling, or your romantic partner. To get someone to stop ignoring you, figure out why this person is ignoring you, then calmly approach the individual, apologize as needed, and work together to find a solution. If it doesn't work, then realize it may be in your best interest to back away from the relationship entirely.
Steps
Figuring it Out
- Give the person space. If the person is ignoring you, then the worst thing you can do is call, text, and Facebook message the person every five seconds, or even follow the person around asking, "What's wrong? What did I do?" Though you may want to be as proactive as possible when you find that someone is really ignoring you, it's the worst thing you can do if you want to repair the relationship. Instead, take a step back to let the person cool off or just get some distance from you, and think about the situation before you proceed.
- It's natural to want instant results, and to want to fix a problem the second you see it appear. But life isn't like that. You need to give the person some breathing room so you can both think about what happened instead of jumping into a conversation you're not ready for.
- Make sure that the person is really ignoring you. Paranoid much? Are you certain that the person is really ignoring you instead of just being too busy to answer your calls the second he or she hears from you? Maybe the person is in a really bad mood or in a bad situation and thinks ignoring everyone is the best way to deal. Maybe the person has just been acting weird toward everybody. Before you proceed, it's important to make sure that the behaviour is directed toward you.
- Watch the person with other people. Is he or she chatty, friendly, and his or her usual self around others? If so, then yeah, maybe it is you. But if the person seems a little off and withdrawn in general, then you may have been assuming too much.
- Think about why the person could be mad at you. Okay, so if you've decided that the person really is ignoring you, then it's time to dig deep and figure out what you could have done to make it happen. In some cases, it will be easy -- maybe you really hurt the person by not inviting him or her to a party, maybe the person heard you were gossiping about him or her, or maybe you just said something really hurtful without meaning to and the person is really upset about it. Once you've pinpointed the reason, you can figure out how to talk about it.
- Figuring out the reason gives you more ammo when you go into the conversation than just asking the person why he or she is ignoring you without knowing why. You'll be more prepared about what to say -- and more ready to defend your actions.
- This is not to say that all of the reasons why the person could be mad at you are great. Maybe the person thinks something you did that was totally harmless was really meant to be hurtful. Even if you don't think you were in the wrong, it's helpful to know what the person is really thinking.
- If you're stuck, ask friends for help. If you're really sure that the person is ignoring you and can't for your life figure out why, then you may have to turn to some mutual friends for help. Maybe they'll know exactly what you did because they talked to the friend about it. It could be something so harmless, or something you didn't think the person knew about, that you would never figure it out on your own. Pick a friend who cares about both of you and wants to fix the situation and see if he or she can shed some insight and help you out.
- Obviously, don't go around asking every person you both know why that person could be mad at you. This could get back to the person and may make him or her even more annoyed.
- Don't let it consume you. Yeah, nobody likes to be ignored. It can especially hurt if that person is your best friend or your significant other. If you're used to spending a lot of time with that person or just hanging out in the same social circles as that person, then yeah, it's no fun to suddenly be given the cold shoulder. This may drive you crazy, make you feel bad about yourself, or even feel embarrassed if the person is purposefully doing it in front of other people. However, no matter how unpleasant the situation is, you have to stay focused on your life and your goals and the things that make you happy -- don't let the person see that your happiness is based entirely on your relationship.
- Of course you're going to be frustrated about it, but life has to go on. Tell yourself, "I'm going to get mad about how my friend isn't talking to me from 5 pm to 5:15 pm, and then I will get back to my life." Thinking about it over and over isn't going to make you feel better.
Making a Move
- Talk to the person. Once you've given the person a bit of space and have an idea of why the person may be mad at you, then you should try to initiate a conversation. Don't confront the person in public or in the middle of the day when the person is likely to be busy or easily frazzled; instead, ask the person if you can meet later and pick an appropriate place and time to have a conversation. If the person really doesn't want to engage with you, then you can pick a time when the person will be alone and when you can talk without making too much of a nuisance of yourself.
- Tell the person that you've been hurt that you've been ignored and that you want to talk about it. Let him or her know how much the relationship means to you, and how much you want to be able to talk to the person again.
- If you're genuinely confused about why it's happening, then you can ask the person. Say that you both will feel better if the reasons the person is ignoring you are out in the open.
- If it's someone you like romantically, be prepared for the fact that the person just may not like you any more or may not return your feelings. Sure, this will hurt, but it's better to know than to wonder what the person really thinks.
- Apologize if necessary. If you know or have been told why the person is ignoring you, then make eye contact, look serious, and tell the person that you're really sorry about what you've done. Tell the person that you really regret what you did and that you'll never do it again. Show that the relationship means a lot to you and that you've done a lot of thinking and wish that you hadn't done it. Don't be distracted, let the person see the pain on your face, and show how sorry you really are.
- If the person is upset about something that you did but you really don't think it was a big deal or that it warrants an apology, then you have to decide. Do you want to stick to your guns and not apologize because you don't think you've done anything wrong, or would you rather just apologize so you can return to your relationship instead of being ignored?
- If the apology doesn't work, then back off. Okay, so you've apologized, and the person isn't budging, or he or she is just still hurt. If you've done something pretty hurtful, like cheating on the person, gossiping, or just making the person feel bad, then an apology won't magically restore your friendship. Maybe the person tells you that what you did was so unforgivable that you can never return to your relationship; maybe the person tells you that he or she still wants to be friends, but that he or she needs some time to heal. Whatever you hear, you need to respect the person's needs and back off.
- Of course, you may just want to jump right back into the friendship, even if the person says he or she needs space. But that's not going to make the person heal any faster. In fact, it'll only prolong the process.
- No mountain of "I'm sorry" can undo what you did to make the person mad at you. Now it's time to give the person time and space to figure it out. This won't be fun, but it's the best way.
- See if it's even worth it to keep trying. Maybe the person is really stubborn. Maybe he or she is mad at you for a really silly reason. Maybe the person just doesn't really feel like being your friend or significant other. If you feel like the person is the one with the problem and that you've done everything you could to try to win him or her over and nothing has worked, then maybe it's time to move on without caring about the person any more. That may sound harsh, but if you get the feeling that the person is really just trying to cause you harm, then why bother with trying to fix things?
- You have to do some careful thinking here. If the person isn't worth your efforts, then you'll know it in your heart.
Tips
- Leave them alone and move on. People who purposely ignore you should be ignored as well.
- Find someone who wants you to be around them, and will always be there for you and will talk to you. Be happy be proud do what you have to do for the best of the friendship.
- If you don't know the reason and they won't tell you, then they're the one being rude.
- Just ask them if they still want to be friends or in a relationship.
- Acknowledge that they might be ignoring you because of something you said.
- Don't make a fuss about it, sometimes it's just paranoia and you're not really ignored.
- If someone is ignoring you, don't ignore them back. Remember that two wrongs do not make a right. Just give them time to realize why they're ignoring you and to realize that they have upset you by doing so.
- Be polite and caring towards them even if they are mad, if you still care about them.
- Tell them that you care about them and tell them how confused you are why they are ignoring you! Tell them that it's upsetting you!
- Try not to come off as weak or vulnerable. They'll be able to take advantage of you. Be assertive. If they don't want to be your friend, then too bad, they are not worth it and you deserve better.
- Don't keep thinking about why your friend is ignoring you. Just move on and who knows? Maybe your friend will get over it too.
