Get Your Ex to Like You

Breaking up hurts, and chances are at least one, if not both, of you has some pretty hard feelings about what happened. That doesn't mean that you can't still be friends, or at least friendly, with one another, especially if you are going to be physically close, such as in the same school or job. You and your ex shared a close relationship, and it makes sense that you would want to remain close to them. At the very least, you don't want them to hate you.

Steps

Understanding Your Relationship

  1. Take some time away from one another. The best friendship you can have with your ex will likely come when both of you have had the chance to move on. You both need time to heal from the hurt your breakup has caused. To get your ex to like you, you need to like yourself first.[1]
    • If you have the same friends, or work close together, some interaction will be unavoidable. Use the time you do have away from her to do things that interest you, and don't involve her. It is okay, on occasion, to not hang out with friends if you know that your ex will be there.
  2. Examine your break up. There is always a reason. Perhaps it was something one of you did. Maybe one of you just didn't feel as strongly about the relationship as the other. The way the break-up happened can affect how much you can get your ex to like you.[1]
    • If he broke up with you, getting him to like you will depend on the reason. If it was because of something you did, and your ex is angry with you, it will take some time and effort to get him to like you again. If he simply does not want to be in a relationship with you, he may already like you as a friend.
    • If you broke up with him, but still want to be friends, remember that your ex may still be hurt by your decision. It may take time for him to come around to the idea of liking you, or at least being friendly.
  3. Decide why you want him to like you. You and your ex were probably very close, so it is understandable that you may not want to lose him entirely. There are a variety of reasons why you would want to keep talking to him. Understanding those reasons can help determine your next move.
    • You have the same friends. If you and your ex have the same circle of friends, you will want you ex to be able to enjoy hanging out with them while you are present. Be civil when you two are around your friends. Don't make your friends choose sides. That isn't fair to anyone involved. Having the same friends certainly doesn't mean you and your ex have to like one another, and it shouldn't be your only reason for doing so.[2]
    • You work in the same building or company. At the very least, you should maintain a professional relationship with co-workers, even if you don't like one another personally.[3]
    • Don't do it so you can follow your ex. You should not want to be friendly with your ex as a way to keep tabs on them. That isn't healthy for either of you, and will only prevent you from moving on.[2]
  4. See how it fits in your current relationship. If you have started dating someone new, make sure this new person is comfortable with your ex liking you, especially if you are going out of your way to make that happen. Your current relationship should always take priority.[4]
    • If you are single, don't try to become friends simply because you are lonely. It is an understandable emotion, but not a good reason for being friends. You are out of that relationship for a reason.[2]

Getting Your Ex to Like You

  1. Be friendly. When talking about your relationship, either with your ex or with friends, you should be pleasant and friendly. You want to project a nice image, someone that other people, such as your ex, would want to like.[4]
    • Don't be threatening or insulting. While there may still be bad feelings, belittling your ex won't make her like you. Additionally, negative comments about your ex when she is not around can make others wonder how you treat them behind their backs.
    • Don't discuss your relationship with your ex when others are around. While the conversation may be necessary, especially if you want to be friends, don't do it with other people around. That can make others uncomfortable, and make you look desperate and mean.
    • Support your ex's new relationships. Chances are your ex will move on. A good way to be pleasant, and show her you want to be friends, is to be supportive of any new relationship she starts.
  2. Make contact. You will probably need to make the first move. Send a short message, perhaps by text or email. This is not an opportunity to pour your heart out, simply reconnect.
    • This message should be short and to the point. A simple "How are you?" will work. Give yourself an opportunity to talk about generalities, such as work, or the weather. Actually communicating is just as important as what you are talking about.[5]
    • Be clear with your intentions and offer, don't ask, to be friends. Rather than the more direct "Can we be friends?" you can say something like "I'd like to be friends. If you do too, I'm here."[6]
    • Unless you are interested in re-starting a physical relationship, avoid sexually explicit remarks. This is not an opportunity to reminisce about the good times you two had together, especially ones that involve past intimacy (both physical and emotional).[5]
    • Be patient. If your ex is still angry or upset about the breakup, she may not want to talk to you. Sending multiple messages is not going to help. If your ex doesn't respond to your attempts, she just may not be ready.[4]
  3. Listen to your ex's complaints. While your ex may be hurt or angry because of your break up in general, there may also have been specific actions that led to your break up. If your ex is willing to talk, allow her to air complaints and concerns.[7]
    • Be prepared to apologize or forgive. If you are worried about your ex not liking you, chances are one of you did something that made the other upset. Whoever is at fault, you will need to be willing to forgive and forget. And if it was something you did to make the other person angry, apologize.
  4. Don't force it. Sometimes, your ex will just be too hurt or angry to like you. Trying to force it can only make things worse. If your ex is still trying to keep some distance, respect her decision. Do your best to remain professional or friendly, if not for them than for the sake of the others around you.[6]

Tips

  • If you are still in love with your ex, it is better not to try being friends.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/02/being-friends-with-an-ex-boyfriend-or-ex-girlfriend/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201405/the-10-worst-reasons-stay-friends-your-ex
  3. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/07/17/how-to-work-with-someone-after-a-breakup/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201310/10-tips-getting-along-better-your-ex
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_250/295_acceptable-ex-interactions.html
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/07/friends-after-a-breakup_n_5105506.html
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201205/how-get-ex-back-5-essential-steps
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