Find Out if Your Ex Still Likes You
Do you have an ex in whom you're still interested, but you're unsure if he's still interested? Follow these steps to see if you can rekindle the lost sparks — if you want to.
Contents
Steps
Reading the Signs
- Look for your ex and observe whether he or she is always around you. Sure, your ex may sometimes show up at the same places that you do, but if your ex seems to constantly be where you are, he or she may still be thinking about you. If your ex seems to be going out of his/her way to talk to you, then you should definitely be on the alert.
- Notice whether your ex stays in touch. If you're still getting e-mails, phone calls, text messages or Facebook private messages from your ex, then he or she is still very interested. Random drop-ins at home, school or the office definitely indicate that love is still alive--at least, on your ex's side.
- Check out your ex's reaction when he or she sees you. If your ex lights up when you come around, then he or she still has a thing for you. Also, notice if your ex keeps sneaking glances at you from across the room. If he/she can't stop looking at you, then that's a good sign that your ex can't get you out of his/her mind.
- Notice whether your ex touches you a lot. When you talk to your ex, he or she may constantly touch your arm or your knee throughout the conversation. The desire to maintain a physical connection definitely indicates interest. You can either go with it or pull back, depending on what you want.
- Find out if your ex still talks to your family. An ex who's still keeping in touch with your parents, brothers or sisters may not be ready to cut his or her connection to you. Of course, a manipulative ex could just be doing this to annoy you! Try to find out from family members what your ex is saying about you.
- Listen to your friends. Your friends may tell you that your ex constantly asks questions about what and how you're doing. If your ex is always checking up on you, then his or her thoughts are consumed by you. That could be good or bad, depending on your point of view.
- Notice when your ex won't give back your stuff. Does your ex have things at his or her house that belong to you? If you don't get your stuff back, then your ex probably has a reason for hanging onto it. You can either go ask for your stuff, or you can move more of your things back over there.
- See if your ex gets angry with you after the break-up. Maybe you did something that your ex wouldn't approve of, and he or she lets you have it even though you should be living separate lives by now. If your ex is still watching over you, then his or her actions say a lot about residual feelings that may still be around.
Deciding What to Do About It
- Figure out what went wrong. Maybe he gave you a lame excuse like, "This relationship isn't working." If you want it to work the next time around, you have to figure out what was really missing in the first place. Then, if working on the real problem sounds okay to you, then you can think about getting back together.
- Avoid panicking. You should wait at least a month before you even consider getting back together. If you feel like you can't live without your ex, then you have a lot of work to do on yourself. Besides, panicking makes you look desperate, and desperate isn't attractive.
- Get in touch with who you used to be so that you can be the person your ex fell in love with--if you still want to be that person. How did you change into someone that your ex could no longer stay with? If your ex had legitimate gripes, then ask yourself if you can change and if you want to change.
- Watch yourself moving on. You are strong enough to take care of yourself. You can hold it together emotionally. Maybe you don't need the crutch of that relationship after all. Perhaps you don't want to be the person that you used to be.
- Recapture your old life before you go back.
- Get some exercise (both to look good and to manage stress), hang out with your friends and get back into the activities that you used to enjoy. You'll appreciate your life and your own unique interests a lot more. When you go back to your ex, you'll also have a lot more self-confidence.
- Look your best. Do this for yourself more than for your ex. Get a great haircut. Buy some new clothes in great colors and cuts that flatter you. Remember, this is about getting your groove back. You want to feel great about the way you look.
What to Do If You Want to Get Back Together
- Mail your ex a handwritten letter. In this age of electronic communications, an e-mail or a text message is nothing special, but handwritten communication is. Tell you ex that you miss him/her and that you would be open to going out again.
- If you did something wrong that ended the relationship, apologize and state specifics about how you plan to change.
- Say that if you're wrong and that the "getting back together" vibe wasn't actually there, that's okay. State that you don't mean to make your ex feel awkward or weird.
- Wait for him/her to respond. If you get a nice response, then make your next move (or respond if your ex makes a move). On the other hand, if you get no answer, then write the relationship off and move forward with your life.
- Invite your ex out for coffee or a drink if the initial contact goes well. Keep it low-key at first. Catch up on what's going on in his or her life, but don't start discussing the relationship much. You want to judge whether your emotional connection and chemistry are still there instead of tackling big relationship problems.
- Get together again and start discussing what went wrong. Make sure that you tell your ex the truth. If you're sorry, admit it. If you feel like he/she wants you to make unreasonable changes, say so. You have to have good communication and equal compromise if the new relationship will work.
- Avoid trying to recreate the old relationship. That relationship is over; it didn't work. But you can take the good things from that relationship and bring them into the new togetherness that you want now. Build something new and wonderful instead of slipping back into bad habits.
What to Do If Your Ex Wants You But You Don't Want Him/Her Back
- Make your wishes clear. Is your ex getting uncomfortably involved in your life? Tell your ex to back away from your friends and family and to stop following you. Let him/her know that there's no chance of getting back together. Don't string him/her along, because that's cruel.
- Get some delicious revenge. You don't want to be manipulative, and you don't want to interfere in your ex's life. Instead, you want to make you the best that you can be so that your ex can simmer with jealousy. Take care of yourself so that you feel and look amazing. Go ahead and date other people if you're ready. Embrace your new life. You'll feel great, and your ex will always regret what was lost.
- Hang on to your resolve. You'll inevitably feel jealous when your ex finally finds someone new, even if you've moved on. You can't control anything about what your ex does. You can only focus on creating a great life for yourself.
Tips
- If he/she still is around you and talks to you and there are no other women/men around him/her, he/she is probably still not over you.
- Be really careful if you have children with your ex. Children sometimes hope that their parents will get back together, and the last thing that you want to do is to get their hopes up and disappoint them again. If you're exploring getting back together, then both of you need to be very discreet until you're sure what you want to do. Also, if you hate your ex, don't share your negativity with your kids.
- Be good friends.
Warnings
- Don't be too quick to jump back into the relationship. Sometimes, we tend to idealize the things that we no longer have. Don't forget why you broke up. If you're only going to jump back into the same problems, then steer clear of your ex.
- Avoid having post-breakup make-out sessions or sex with your ex unless you're sure that both of you want to get back together. Don't let your ex take advantage of your heartbreak and just use you for the physical connection.
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