Get Your Parents to Let You Go to a Sleepover

It can be difficult getting parents to let you go to a sleepover at a friend or relative's house. Sleepovers can be a lot of fun, and they are a great chance to become closer with your friends. Parents sometimes have worries or concerns that might make them say "no" to a sleepover, but there are things you can do to help change their minds.

Steps

Talking to Your Parents

  1. Show your parents you are responsible. You'll want to do a bit of prep work before discussing a sleepover with your parents. Sometimes, a "show don't tell" approach works best. Consider spending a few days showing your parents you're responsible. If your parents see you're maturing, they might be more willing to allow you to have extra freedom.
    • Most parents expect that kids will reach a point where they crave more independence. However, understand parents have worries themselves. They will want to make sure they know where you are at all times. You can ease some of their potential anxiety by showcasing your growing maturity and independence.
    • Do your chores without being asked.
    • Complete your homework as soon as you get home from school.
    • Be upfront about what's happening in your day-to-day life by sharing details about school and your social life without prompting.
    • Use "please" and "thank you" at the dinner table.
  2. Pick a time to talk. After showing your parents your increasing maturity, pick a time to talk about the sleepover. Choose a time that's flexible and works for both you and your parents. That is, don't bring up the issue at 11 o'clock at night when you know your parents have to be up for work in the morning. Instead, bring it up a little after dinner on a weeknight.[1]
    • Try to be as mature as possible when bringing up the subject. Say something courteous like, "Mom, Dad, I wanted to talk to you about something that's been on my mind."
    • Remember your manners as this will impress your parents. Try something like, "Could we please have a talk after dinner tonight?"
  3. Focus on the present situation. Your parents may react negatively if you bring up other people's families, your friends, or your siblings. Keep your focus on yourself and your situation.
    • You may be tempted to say something like, "Miranda's parents are letting her go!" or "You let Jamie go to sleepover's when he was my age." Such statements are likely to rub your parents the wrong way. It's irrelevant what other people are doing. Your parents have made rules with your specific needs and safety in mind.[1]
    • Talk about yourself and the reasons you are mature enough to attend a sleepover. Point to things like your grades and your behavior. Say something like, "I usually get decent grades and I stay out of trouble. I feel like you should have some trust in me." You can also explain to your parents why you want to go to the sleepover. Try something like, "I really like hanging out with Sophie and her friends at school. I feel like it would be a lot of fun hanging out with them outside of the classroom and this is a good opportunity."[1]
  4. Share the necessary details of the event. Parents usually want to know where you are, what you're doing, and who you're with. Withholding this information could make your parents less likely to grant you permission to attend a sleepover. Be upfront about where the sleepover is, who will be there, and what events and activities will take place. Your parents will feel a lot more comfortable granting you permission if they know exactly what's going on.[1]
  5. Ask why if your parents say no. If your parents still say "No," it can be helpful for you to ask them why. Try not to yell or get frustrated as this can result in an argument. Instead, ask what their main concerns are. Wait a few days until you've both cooled down and you've had time to figure out how to address these concerns. Then, bring the event up again and see if the discussion goes over any better.[1]

Addressing Concerns

  1. Point out the benefits of sleepovers. Your parents may not realize sleepovers can be important when it comes to growth and development. Explain to your parents the potential benefits in allowing you to attend a sleepover.
    • Sleepovers build confidence. They force you out of your regular comfort zone and allow you to experience customs different than your own. A sleepover is also a practice in manners and respect. You'll have to learn to be courteous of the rules and regulations of another person's home. Attending a sleepover can help you learn to be a good guest. Say something like, "I think it would be good for me to experience new things. A sleepover can teach me to be a good guest."[2]
    • Sleepovers allow kids to build social skills. Interacting with other children or teens your age is important to your growth. It also teaches more independence as you'll be able to experience things outside the context of your parents' home. Say something like, "I love spending time with you guys, but I'd like to have spend time with people my own age as well."[3]
  2. Compromise. It can sometimes help to compromise if you want to convince your parents to say "yes." For example, you can agree to call or text your parents every few hours to let them know you're okay. This might make them feel safer about allowing you to go as they'll have occasional assurance that you're okay.[4]
  3. Talk about your medical concerns. If you have a serious allergy, illness, or chronic condition that requires treatment, like asthma, bring up this topic before your parents do. Tell them how you plan to address such concerns at a slumber party.
    • Answering objections before parents bring them up can be the difference between “yes” and “no.” Countering potential arguments is a powerful in any negotiation and your talk with your parents is no different.[5]
    • Role playing what you might do in a situation your parents fear can make them more relaxed.[6] An example of this might look like:
      • Son: So, I'm a little worried about if I eat peanuts.
      • Dad: Me too. You've had some bad allergic reactions in the past. What will you do if that happens?
      • Son: Well, I've packed my EpiPen in my overnight bag and I told his mom I'm allergic, so I think I'll be OK.
  4. Provide contact details. Your parents will likely be concerned about where you'll be. Provide contact information for the parents hosting the sleepover. If you provide information about where you'll be and how to contact you in the event of an emergency, your parents will be more likely to allow you to attend.[1]

Negotiating Effectively

  1. Note your parents' mood. A good mood can change a “no” to a “yes.” You can encourage good moods by doing chores before your parents ask, talking about fun times you’ve shared, or listening together to their favorite music.[7][8]
    • It can be extra effective to talk about social events, like a school party, family gathering, or festival, where your parents had fun. This can help put them in a good mood.[9]
  2. Observe your parents' daily routine. If you find that your parents are usually in a good mood in the morning, try to ask them after breakfast. Their after-breakfast mood will be more agreeable.[10][11] If your parents are more active during the evening, aim for after dinner.[11]
  3. Make a big request first. A few days before asking your parents about going to the sleepover, ask them for something else you want but know they won't let you have. Say, ask them if you can adopt a dog from the animal shelter or have your own car. A few days later, when you're ready to ask your parents for the sleepover, they will be more likely to make this small concession after refusing your other, bigger request.[12]
  4. Summarize what your parents tell you. By putting what your parents have told you in your own words and repeating it back to them, you will show your parents that you understand what they're saying and how they feel. This will help your chances of having a sleepover and changing your parents' minds. Your parents will see you're mature enough to try to listen to and understand their point of view.[13]

Tips

  • If they say no, ask them what you can do to change their answer.
  • Remember, your behavior at the sleepover will affect whether or not you have another one.
  • Introduce your parents to the hosts so they feel more comfortable.
  • Make sure your parents know you are staying in a safe part of your town. Some parents are worried about violence.
  • Make sure your parents know who is going to be there; parents are mostly concerned about your safety.
  • Let your parents meet your friend beforehand so they know the person whose house you will be going to.
  • Don't discuss with your friends before or they could get their hopes up and then when your parents say no, it won't be nice for your friend(s).
  • Try not to argue with your parents before you ask them about the sleepover thing. This can put them in a bad mood.
  • Asking your parents nicely and respectfully may give you a better shot at receiving permission.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 http://counselingmn.com/how-to/how-to-get-your-parents-to-say-yes/
  2. ↑ http://www.ronitbaras.com/family-matters/parenting-family/the-right-age-for-a-sleepover
  3. ↑ http://www.ronitbaras.com/family-matters/parenting-family/the-right-age-for-a-sleepover/
  4. ↑ http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/advice/parent_problems16.html#b
  5. ↑ http://writingcenter.fas.harvard.edu/pages/counter-argument
  6. ↑ http://web.csulb.edu/~tstevens/Desensit.htm
  7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201409/10-quick-ways-get-out-bad-mood
  8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ulterior-motives/201304/mood-and-persuasion
  9. ↑ http://www.fastcompany.com/3030173/work-smart/how-to-use-10-psychological-theories-to-persuade-people
  10. ↑ http://www.webmd.com/food-recipes/how-food-affects-your-moods
  11. ↑ 11.0 11.1 http://www.diagnose-me.com/symptoms-of/hypoglycemia.html
  12. ↑ http://listverse.com/2013/02/03/10-psychology-tricks-you-can-use-to-influence-people/
  13. ↑ http://changingminds.org/techniques/conversation/reflecting/paraphrasing.htm
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