Get a Girlfriend over the Internet

If meeting chicks at the bar, gym or local coffee shop isn’t for you, you might enjoy trying to meet women online where there's no hanging around checking out who's single and who's taken. And even better, you aren't limited to tapping into the typical online dating site to meet a compatible mate––you just need to know where to look and how to approach women over the Internet according to your interests and theirs. Here are some suggestions to help you find love or dating compatibility, all thanks to cyberspace.

Steps

  1. Decide whether Research and Review an Online Date is for you. Online dating is convenient because you can keep the entire relationship online, hook up any time of day or night (midnight flings are a true possibility with the Internet) and stay in your pajamas if that's what you find most convenient! On the downside, online dating can cause you both to embellish your qualities at the expense of your flaws, causing you both to be disappointed when you finally meet up. Provided you can keep it real and you're not tempted to fib about your non-existent muscles/outdoor interests/books you've read and you keep your BS meter finally tuned, then it should be fine!
  2. Determine what kind of girl you want to meet. Before you begin your search, figure out what qualities you want in a girlfriend. Are you looking for someone around your age or a little older? Are there common interests you both share? Also, decide if you want to meet a woman who lives locally or if long-distance could work for you. Indeed, you might even contemplate keeping the entire relationship online, in which case you could potentially "date" a girl from absolutely anywhere in the world, provided you both can communicate in the same language.
  3. Work out a suitable profile. You're going to have to do some of the work here, to sell yourself as someone else's "ideal match". What sort of things do you want to include in your profile? Although it’s tempting to do online, never lie about who you are or what you do. If you truly intend to find a girlfriend online, you have to be honest and open about every aspect of your life and real self. As such, your profile must be thoughtful and definitely realistic––imagine telling your potential date that you're an adventuresome skydiving, rock climbing, muscle-bound hunk, only to have her find out later you're a couch potato with a few pounds more than needed, with your real idea of adventure being to switch between The History Channel and The Discovery Channel.
    • Post your best, most recent photo. Never post an old photo because it misrepresents what you look like today. If you don’t like any recent photos, have a friend take a few new pictures that you can use for your profile. These photos can also be used for social networking sites, so they're a good investment in your online reputation.
  4. Be discerning about your choice of dating website. Whatever site you choose to leave a profile on, check the site's credentials thoroughly first. What are other people saying about the service provided? Are people happily dating as a result of using the site or are they leaving in droves? In particular, how many active members (especially female members) of the site are there? There isn't much point hanging around a website where the pickings are lean; this is as bad as visiting a singles bar to discover everyone else has coupled up before you arrived. Find a site that also has people active when you're likely to be active. For example, if you work 9 to 5, find a site where everyone's logging on in the evenings. If you're a freelancer at home all day, find a site where people flit in and out all day long. If you're a night owl, find a site inhabited by many other night owls (you'll be happier for matching sleeping schedules with a potential partner!).
    • Good dating websites will most likely charge you a fee because you get what you pay for. Some allow an initial free brief view of profiles but more details require payment. Expect this and expect better quality as a result (if not, be sure to let the site know).
  5. Know how to read profiles. The manner in which profiles are written may not be as straightforward as you hope but this doesn't mean you can't learn how to read between the lines. Some things to look for include the following:
    • Look at the profiles of existing members, including their photos and details. Be aware that a lot of profiles over the years are not updated and not even active. Avoid those ones.
    • Look for profiles that show the person has made an effort to attract your attention. This shows current interest and real dating potential, not just fishing around for a lark.
    • Be sure to discern between those seeking friendship or romance. Whatever your preference, there will be dates there but don't go mixing up friendship and romance. And be aware that some people seeking "just a friendship" can be confused themselves, so avoid potential problems by being very upfront in your own profile about what you expect.
    • Discard anyone whose profile suggests they're bigoted or snobby. Comments on profiles like "no fatties or slobs" risks setting you up with someone who has very unreasonable and inflexible expectations of other human beings that don't augur well for getting to know the real person underneath.
    • Be aware that descriptions of an "ideal partner" can give you gut instinct reactions that you should probably listen to. Some potential dates are train-wrecks as a result of previous relationships and this may come through in an overly demanding wishlist of perfection sought from future partners. On the other hand, the expression of an ideal partner can spark recognition and feelings of compatibility, so read this with your radar fully switched on.
    • Look for age. You may or may not be strict about age ranges but you should be aware of any internal boundary with respect to age and stick to it if it's important to you. Even if you're more open-minded about age ranges, be aware that those much younger than you might inwardly be seeking to be raised by you due to lack of experience of life, while those much older than you might prove to be stuck in their ways and inflexible or even old-fashioned. These are sweeping generalizations but they are something to bear in mind should you actually end up dating women in age groups far removed from your own; sometimes compatibility can be dashed by inter-generational misunderstandings or lack of similar timeline experiences. Also, be aware that their friends (and yours) will generally be generations apart too and that can complicate dating later on.
      • Look for age discrepancies, such as a photos with an 80s hairdo being represented as "current."
  6. Search beyond the usual dating sites to include the numerous social and professional websites. In addition to the typical “Match.com” sites, check out sites that fit your own interests in life. Look at such sites as local alumni, social, professional, religious or sports club memberships. Here are just a few suggestions to spark your own ideas:
    • Alumni clubs: Find others who went to your college or university through an online social site. For example, if you went to the University of Michigan, conduct a Google search for University of Michigan alumni clubs. Alumni clubs exist in nearly every metropolitan city in the country so even if you graduated from a school that’s out of state, you may possibly find an alumni club in town.
    • Online sporting clubs. Many online sporting clubs have online blogging and chats––getting involved online can provide a springboard for face-to-face conversation. For instance, if you like to run, join a local running club online and participate in online webinars. Sign up for local races and meet the women you were chatting with at the starting line.
    • Hit Facebook for connections. Your current friends may help you meet and connect with women online. Look at your current connection’s friend lists to see if you are attracted to any of his or her friends. If you can read the friend’s profile and like what you see, send your contact a private message and inquire about his or her friend. One of the best ways to meet girls is through other people. Plus, that way you can find out if the woman is attached, what she is like and if she would be interested in meeting you.
    • Join professional association websites. Although sites such as LinkedIn may connect you with thousands of professionals throughout the country, look for specific societies and associations that can connect you with others in your field. For example, if you work in nursing you could join The Honor Society of Nursing (Sigma Theta Tau International) as a way to interact and meet other nurses through its online channels. Additionally, your local Chamber of Commerce can provide you with opportunities to meet female members online and at social mixers.
    • Connect through online gaming websites. Find a girlfriend who shares your affinity for games or virtual reality like World of Warcraft or Second Life. If you meet a woman who seems to “get you” in your guild, make sure she’s actually a girl. Often men may use a female avatar for gaming so before you get all weak in the knees make sure you are dealing with an actual girl. When it comes to meeting women while playing Second Life, engage in activities you love and you’ll naturally find others who enjoy those activities as well.
    • Check out religious dating sites. Looking for a girl who shares the same love for religion as you? Visit one of the numerous religious online dating sites for Jewish or Christian singles. Like other dating websites, you can view profiles and ask women on dates.
    • Astrology-based dating sites. Astral dating is about meeting girls whose star sign is compatible with yours. Obviously you'll need to believe in astrology for this one to work.
    • If you're into science fiction, look for girls on science fictions sites. For more details, see Meet Girls Who Like Star Trek.
  7. Connect. Once you've found girls of interest to you, follow the instructions on the site for getting connected. Initially, take it easy and be a good online "listener", to give her the space to open up. Don't be too ready to jump in and divulge your own interests, worries and lifestyle or she might get cold feet. Be aware that she is not likely to give you all her personal details when you first connect and neither should you. Keep personal details brief, and for the most part, private. Avoid making things up but if you feel pressured, just be honest and say something like: "I don't feel ready to divulge that sort of personal information just yet but thanks for asking." Too much self-disclosure too soon can make you appear over-eager and even desperate.
    • Find common topics to discuss. If you met on a gaming, religious or sports site you will probably have one of those topics to expound upon. Otherwise, if you were introduced via Facebook or met through a professional dating or related site, ask the girl about her hobbies and what she likes to do in her free time.
    • Don't give out your personal address, phone number, email, place of work, etc. until you really know this person.
  8. Be consistent. Show up consistently online to chat. If you disappear for weeks on end, she’ll see you as unreliable and may not want to continue an online relationship. One way to maintain consistency is to plan times to chat online. Other ways to show your keen interest in her is to leave Facebook updates, to tweet her and to occasionally forward her a cute image of a kitten or a box of chocolates (or whatever else you think she'd adore).
  9. Meet online for at least two or three weeks before planning a date in person. The benefit of meeting online is that you can get a better idea of her personality without having physical appearance get in the way. Ask plenty of questions during your online chats and/or emails to get an idea of her personality. For example, find out what she likes most and least in a boyfriend. It would also be a good idea to determine if she is looking for a relationship. Be aware that getting to know someone online can turn into a form of "foreplay" for some people, where intimacy is quickly established and romantic or even sexually charged things are said early on. If it's you who starts this, just be sure she's okay with it. If it's her who begins it, play it by ear and see how comfortable if makes you feel. Things to notice while communicating online include:
    • Do you do most of the communicating or does she? Or is this about equal? Think about who does most of the initiating for connecting together, too, as this can establish how keen each of you is.
    • Do you feel comfortable talking about all sorts of things with her? Or have you already noticed some potentially taboo or bristly topics?
    • Are there any warning bells already? Listen to them as they may be important! Things to be wary of include constant carping about prior relationships that suggest an inability to let go and expressions of resentment or anger.
    • Are you acting yourself and feeling good when connected to this person? Or are you slipping into a forced persona because it "seems" that that meets her interests and needs more? In the latter case, you may just be fooling yourself into liking her when you're actually not a good romantic match.
  10. Plan your first “in-person” meeting at a neutral, social spot. Don't leave catching up "in the flesh" too long, provided you've decided you want this to turn into a real life relationship. The longer you convince one another online that you're the ideal couple, the harder the online embellishments will be to cope with when you finally do connect. And be sure to choose a safe, public meeting spot. A coffee shop, restaurant, the gym or local bar and grill are ideal places to meet for the first time. Although you’ve been chatting for weeks, you still don't know each other very well. A neutral spot will ease any tension (especially for her, as she may be concerned about meeting an unknown man) and allow you to enjoy each other’s company in person.
    • Be thoughtful, on time and low key. It's challenging and nerve-racking to meet someone for the first time after exchanging online comments, witticisms and romantically charged online foreplay.
    • Treat this person as if she believes she likes you. Worrying too much about whether she "gets you" or cares enough already can easily sabotage the chemistry of getting to know one another. Take it easy and assume she likes you enough to want to get to know you some more.
    • Stick to neutral, broad and inoffensive topics when you first meet. Avoid going on about how your last relationship left you scarred and in need of mothering/being taken care of/soothing or whatever else that will have her run a mile. And leave politics right out of it!
  11. Don't get your hopes up too high. Dating is a numbers game. You may have to meet up with or cyber-connect with many girls before you feel a real connection with someone. Avoid seeing this as a personal reflection; it's far better to make the right decision based on real mutual attraction than to force yourself into a match that isn't right for either of you. Go on as many dates as your budget and energy levels allow for. And importantly, act as if you will be okay should she reject you or should the attempt at dating each other prove wrongheaded. There is no need to turn this into a drama-filled scenario.
    • Be kind and dignified if it doesn't work out. It may be an ego dent but there's no need to compare your worth with the lack of sparks. If it doesn't work out, count yourself fortunate that you have enough courage to know and can begin looking again.
    • Should things go wrong, there are plenty of dating disaster sites where you can commiserate with people who've had similar experiences!

Tips

  • Don't ignore women you meet in real life just because you're looking for love online. Look everywhere for the right person.
  • Be safe! Always meet in a public place for the first time.

Warnings

  • Don't trust what you see on a dating profile. Someone can easily lie about something just like everything else on the Internet.
  • Be careful about time loss when searching profiles. You can get swamped in dating site information without even realizing. Set a time limit, even set an alarm clock, to ensure you're not embedded in the site all night long!
  • Make sure you're meeting with a woman who is at least 18 years or older. Pursuing a woman online who is underage is considered to be a felony offense in the USA and is generally illegal in many other jurisdictions around the world.
  • When searching for an online love, avoid unregulated chat rooms. These are what have given online dating a bad name and can unearth all sorts of unsavory characters.

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