Get over Being Unfriended on Facebook

Facebook. The social media site where relationships are formed, developed, and sometimes lost. Everyone knows the feeling of being unfriended by someone on Facebook. Was it something you said? Is this some kind of message? If you're having these thoughts and would like to get over the fact that you have been unfriended, here is some reassurance.

Steps

Be Sure You've Been Unfriended

  1. Be sure. Before you get worked up about someone unfriending you on Facebook, make sure that you are definitely no longer in each others' friend lists. Sometimes, it may seem like someone has unfriended you, when in reality they just don't post very much on Facebook.
    • You can tell if you are friends or not with someone if you click on their profile page and in the top right region of the page it either says "Friends" or "Add Friend."
      • If the box says "Friends", then you have not been unfriended, and you still appear in each others' friend lists.
      • If the box says "Add Friends", you are no longer friends on Facebook.

Reviewing Possible Reasons for Being Unfriended

  1. Evaluate the possibilities. If you have determined that you were unfriended by someone, come up with plausible reasons why they might have unfriended you. Be reasonable and honest as you make this assessment––no need for beating yourself up or for pretending you're not doing annoying things! The following are some helpful questions to consider when determining why you might have been unfriended:
    • Were you being spammy?: One of the most annoying things for Facebook readers is to read spam several times a day. Perhaps you've been over-promoting your business (personal or commercial) or perhaps you're just going on a little too much about a product or service you think rocks.
    • Are you showing off?: Another thing high up on the list of Facebook irritants is people who make too much of themselves. Do you constantly post "selfies" on your wall? Are you spending a lot of time mentioning where you're vacationing or how much of an entertaining weekend you're experiencing? Do you keep telling people how far you've cycled, how many calories you're not consuming or how low your BMI is?
    • Are you updating your game successes too often?: People not playing the same games as you easily tire of the "My farm army has expanded 99 times!" messages, along with the "won't you join me too?" requests. Eventually, this wears thin and you can lose Facebook friends over it.
    • Are you trolling for praise?: Asking people to constantly "like" the things you do or say can send some of your wall readers to despair. If people can't be left alone to decide for themselves, they may resort to unfriending instead.
    • Do you give a lot of space to PDAs?: Too much by way of public displays of affection for your beloved/spouse/fiancé/BFF/pet/whatever can be exhausting to a reader, especially if he or she lacks a little love.
    • Do your baby/child exploits dominate your updates?: Occasional cute shots of your kids are one thing; too much information about toilet training and genius potential send some readers to the unfriend button.
    • Are the two of you having a disagreement?: Did the two of you get in some kind of fight, either on Facebook or in real life? Disagreement can easily shift into a rather passive-aggressive unfriending option on behalf of one party to the disagreement. It may seem petty but if it gets you hot under the collar, the message has been truly delivered. Perhaps it's time to extend the olive branch.
    • Is this person over-extended?: Does the person have close to the limit of 5,000 friends? In which case, unless you're a close buddy, this may simply be a pragmatic decision to bump you off to make space for someone who lives next door and is a bit more familiar than you.
    • Are you a complainer?: Is every status a health update of your every ache, pain, surgery, recovery and upcoming doctors appointments? Whether you are trying to get attention, empathy or "I'm praying for you" comments, you can come off as a constant complainer. When was the last time you wanted to be friends with someone like that?
    • Do you "over share"?: How many memes, pictures with sarcastic, cute, funny, inspirational sayings did you "share" in the last week? Sure, these can be fun, but if you're filling up people's walls with these and you can't come up with original status on your own, maybe you're just not very interesting to "friends".
    • Are your political and religious views overtly obviously?: Constantly posting about the political parties you like or don't like can be quite irritating to others. Especially annoying are the guilt memes; "Share if you're not ashamed to love God/Jesus".
    • Stalking.: If you comment on every post a your friend makes, they may think you are a Facebook Stalker. Imagine the real-world equivalent of someone commenting on your every move. There's a fine line between friendship and creepiness.
    • Game invites.: If you were sending too many game invites to your friend, this can become annoying and likely cause people to unfriend you.
    • Is this person really a friend?: Do you know this person very well? In the case of the friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend, things get a bit tenuous and your updates just may be too irrelevant or unfamiliar for the barely-known friend on Facebook.

Getting Over It

  1. Understand and accept. While you might not be one hundred percent certain of the reason for being unfriended, based on your reasonable assessment of the reason, seek to understand it. For example, if the person had nearly 5,000 friends, it's reasonable for them to remove what they perceived as a more random person from their friend list in order to make room for more friends or family. You'd most likely do the same and should allow others that leeway too. In reaching acceptance, the following will help you:
    • Do not be upset or angry with the person. Instead, respect their decision to unfriend you. After all, if you unfriended someone, you wouldn't want them to despise you for it!
    • Realize that you cannot make people stay friends with you, either on Facebook or in real life. It just isn't realistic and fluidity of relationships is part and parcel of what life is.
    • Avoid reading more meaning into the unfriending act than was intended. Even if you think that the unfriending was a deeply cutting action, you owe it to yourself to realize that validation of your self worth comes from within you, not from external sources. Avoid lingering over any alleged hidden message!
    • If you know that this is a direct result of an argument, seek to mend the broken bridge between you. This is no different than if you had received any other indicator that the person was upset or annoyed with you. However, don't make a big deal about the unfriending itself––seek to resolve the disagreement, not the unfriending.
    • If the person who unfriended you was a close friend or relative, try gently confronting them about why they unfriended you. Perhaps it was an accident! Even if it wasn't, be friendly about asking them, never rude or accusatory.
    • Outside of a disagreement, if this is a person who you see regularly outside of Facebook, continue to be respectful and friendly toward them. Never be rude or interrogate them about their decision to unfriend you. If you do wish to raise it, be friendly and understanding.
  2. Move on. Don't linger on the fact that you've been unfriended, and don't try to change your Facebook profile in order to please others. If you're happy with what you say and post, don't change anything. Realize that it is your friend's loss if they don't get to have a glimpse into your life through Facebook. Refrain from dwelling on the fact that you've been unfriended, and never stalk their page to see what they're up to. Move on; you have tons of others friends who still enjoy your company.
    • Change any annoying behavior you've been indulging in. While you shouldn't change the way you are or what you're happy with about your approach to Facebook, do change annoying behaviors (as noted in the previous section). Spamming, too many updates, adding irrelevancies or boring people senseless aren't good approaches to using Facebook. Notice what you could do better, and make the change so that you can enjoy using Facebook without feeling like it's a source of negativity in your life.
  3. Forget Facebook. If you find yourself unable to forget about the person who unfriended you and it's causing to become obsessive (you're ruminating about it too much), it may be time to take a break from Facebook for a while. After all, it is one of the most addicting habits of this generation. Some suggestions for coping till your annoyance blows over include:
    • Deactivate your account or leave it right where it is, untouched for awhile.
    • Remove the app from your phone. You will want the app out of sight, out of mind, especially on a portable device that's accessible from anywhere! Give yourself a much needed break to get back some perspective.
    • Do other activities you enjoy, such as sports, the outdoors, art, music, or even write an article on wikiHow. Distracting yourself from the annoyance will soon put it back in its place––in the pile of petty nothings.
    Don't focus on one little act that someone did and most likely never thought of again. Focus on living life, rather than seeing it reflected back at you on Facebook.
  4. Add someone new. If you feel like it will help, add someone new to your friend list. Maybe it is someone you've only spoken to once or twice at school or work, or maybe it's the new girl on the volleyball team. If you try to make friends with someone new, this will help you forget about the person who unfriended you.

Tips

  • If you add someone on Facebook and begin talking to them, you cannot pretend that you don't know them in real life!
  • Learn to stop taking unfriending personally. If someone unfriends you, it doesn't mean they dislike you as a person, they've simply made the decision to unfriend you. Respect that.
  • Over time, some people realize that social media just isn't for them. This doesn't mean that they don't like you––they have decided they don't like the medium and dislike being bothered or overwhelmed by it. Such people are likely still very reachable online through less overt or speedy means, such as using the email. There is no harm asking someone how you can stay in touch if they leave social media platforms.
  • If you approach someone to ask them why they've unfriended you, be very kind and gentle. Any rude confrontations about why you have been unfriended could lead to loss of the acquaintanceship for good. Be classy instead; don't probe, ask nicely and give the other person space.
  • For updates concerning family life and more private moments start using networks like Huglrwhere you only share with your family and best friends.
  • If you ignored someone this is most likely why you were unfriended. For example, they may have called or texted you and you have not responded in a timely manner but they see you on Facebook posting. This is hurtful and rude and this is why you may have been unfriended. Accept it and move on. Treat others better in the future.

Warnings

  • Never keep trying to add someone back as a friend once they have unfriended you. It is rude and creepy, and the person is likely to block you for harassing them.
  • Avoid seeing your self worth as being wrapped up in the praise or validation of others. You're more likely to find unfriending hurtful or to see the unfriending as cruel if you've over-valued the connection to someone because you liked the fact that they noticed you or gave you praise. If this is constantly a problem for you, seek help (counseling, self-help reading, talking to a trusted person, etc.) in building up your sense of self worth and boundaries.
  • If you have determined that you may have been unfriended because you post spam, stop doing this immediately. Spam is at best annoying (if it's your own business promotion) and at worst potentially damaging (if you're sending on external links from elsewhere), especially if you're unwittingly forwarding on viruses or scams.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Get_over_Being_Unfriended_on_Facebook&oldid=323115"