Help a Friend

There are times when someone close to you needs help getting through something. Here are some steps to follow when you're not sure what to do.

Steps

  1. Make yourself available, whether in person or via technology. The goal is the be in the right place at the right time. Although there is really nothing better than being face to face with your friend, they may call you. Don't miss that call.
  2. Listen to them. They're probably trying to tell you something. Somewhere in their words or actions is a sign of what's bothering them. If you're too busy being hilarious or self-involved, you're going to miss it. So, calm yourself and pay attention.
  3. Don't be judgmental. People don't open up to people who are throwing out words like "lame," "stupid," "freak," or "wuss." Just accept everything they say as true. Why? Because they're telling you what they feel. How can you ever say that someone else's feelings are untrue?
  4. Stay in touch with them daily, but don't harass them. Too many calls can annoy and drive someone away. They may not feel talkative but at least they know you care. No matter how down a person gets, they still feel important when people call them.
  5. Gently offer some ideas for resolving the problems, once you get them talking and you get a sense of what might be bothering them. By "gently offer," do not tell them what they "must" do and do not be too firm or authoritative. You are their friend, not their boss.
  6. Stop offering ideas if they are resistant to them. They may be open to consider them later, or maybe never. They may prefer to figure things out for themselves. You may be the strong one of your duo, and lead them out of their problem, or you may be the moral support, and let your friend lead their own way out of the problem. Everyone plays a different role. Figure out what your friend needs from you.
  7. Realize the process of resolving their problem will likely take more than one day. Be patient. You may have to be really understanding of them for a lot of days in a row. They've probably done that for you too. It's fair.

Tips

  • Nobody likes a know-it-all. And guess what. You don't know it all.

Warnings

  • Should your friend have an eating disorder, be suicidal, be a victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, a victim of abuse, chronically depressed, or more than one of the above, immediately seek professional help for them.
  • If they seem resentful for you because you have sought out professional help for them when they made you "swear not to tell", do not be offended. In time they will realize that you only did so out of care for them.

Things You'll Need

    • One friend in need.

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