Help a Really Sick Friend or Relative

You don't have to feel helpless when you find out that a friend or family member is very ill. There are many small, inexpensive ways to send smiles to a loved one who may be too far away or too ill to visit.

Steps

  1. Learn about the disease: knowing what you are fighting against helps greatly. By reading books and web pages, you can gain vast information on the sickness, like what is typical condition and what can cure or ease it. By doing so, you will not feel like you are fighting against darkness.
  2. Tell him/her you love her/him no matter what, and sickness does not change it. Often the sick feel guilty about making the loved ones (read: you) get through the situation, so show your affections to them well.
    • Buy or make a small arsenal of cards. Send one a day. Make sure the cards are upbeat and not so sympathetic that they pull the friend's spirits down.
    • Send or drop off the best book you've ever read (or several!). It doesn't need to be new, just entertaining and riveting enough to take the person somewhere else for a while, at least in their imagination. Include a letter explaining why you loved it.
    • Send, email or drop off favorite photos. They don't need to be recent. Photos of fun times together bring on happy memories and put a smile on anyone's face.
    • Create a box of fun. Put in ridiculous things that will make the person smile. A gigantic candy bar, a miniature bottle of wine, silly tee shirts, aromatherapy candles, massage oils, scented soaps, stuffed animals, trashy celebrity magazines, sports magazines--whatever they would find comforting and fun.
    • If the person is bed-bound or in the hospital for a while, send or drop off some soft, fluffy slippers, a soft bed pillow, lavender scented linen spray, wonderful pajamas, comfy socks, or foot massage cream to make them feel pampered.
    • You know the old saying that "food is love". If they are not on a restricted diet, you can make them something wonderful and drop it off. You can even organize friends and family to take turns bringing meals over. A quick and easy way to invite people to help with this effort is through a website like www.foodtidings.com. Foodtidings allows you to input what they like and don't like to eat, and any food allergies they may have. It also maintains the schedule so the loved ones you have invited to bring meals can sign up for a specific day and what meal they are bringing. Foodtidings even sends out a reminder email to you the day before you are scheduled to bring a meal. A meal schedule like this gives loved ones who are ill something to look forward to each day.
  3. Do not feel guilty about feeling angry/sad/helpless. Sometimes the patient acts irrationally due to pain/powerlessness/sadness, and it of course makes you feel sad/mad/confused, it is normal reaction. Do not try to be strong 100% all the time.
  4. Recruit other friends or family members to form a team of support, with all of you joining forces to bring the person's spirits up.
  5. Don't forget about yourself. It is important to 'cut' yourself from the situation if it is too overwhelming for you. Go for a day-trip if possible, go to museums, concerts, do whatever makes you smile and happy. But if you are not very 'outgoing' person and staying indoors makes you relaxed more, stay inside. Just do whatever you like to do, so that you can be an uplifting person to be around.

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Tips

  • Spread out your gifts over time, especially if the person is chronically ill or will be hospitalized for an extended period. Give them something to look forward to as you continue to send positive vibes their way!
  • Make sure the friend you're helping out knows that you don't expect a constant stream of thank you cards, etc. Let them focus on their own issues.
  • If other family members are on site with the ill person they are probably feeling drained emotionally and physically, too. Include them when you can with a special treat, card, etc.
  • If the person has a long term illness, be sure to talk or contact the person on a regular basis, even if the conversation is kept short. Having a long term illness makes life very boring especially when there is not much to look forward to.
  • See your friends, other family members, or somebody who can talk to without feeling guilty. It is very important to let YOUR emotions out, when everything looks like the sick one etc. Remind yourself that there are people who love and care about you out there, and fill yourself with their love.

Warnings

  • Don't expect a lot of immediate attention for your efforts. While in the midst of a health crisis, it's almost impossible to focus on anything but the issue at hand.
  • Don't send something inappropriate. Soft slippers without non-skid bottoms are not ok for a person who has trouble walking due to an injury.
  • Do not treat the sick one like a baby (if they are not baby). Not only it stresses you out, it might make them feel like they were flawed and just a big trouble for you.

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