Keep People Interested in You
Keeping people interested in you and your conversations is necessary for good relationships. However, this can be extremely hard for some to accomplish. Here is a guide on keeping people interested in you.
Contents
Steps
Speaking
- Quit labeling yourself as shy, timid, nervous, antisocial, etc. Labels, just like on objects and items, keep you stuck in that one place until you're taken out. You're not an object, and as long as you're convinced you're antisocial, only you can remove yourself from this negative label.
- Speak more. Introduce yourself to people you see daily but don't talk with often, and you'll see how quickly your amount of relationships grows. You can also do this by presenting more; whether you're answering a simple question or reading an essay in front of a large audience, people will get to meet you and talk with you if you present.
- Don't be too talkative! Think talking with a person, and not to them. If you're talkative, escaping the curse can seem nearly impossible, but that's a mental barrier. Overcome this by asking people questions about himself or herself more, putting you aside as much as possible. Don't be completely guarded over yourself, but don't talk too much at people.
- Self-assess and find out why you're talkative. If you're filling a void, maybe feeling trapped and alone in home or at school or work, or crave the attention, consult a professional therapist for help overcoming these issues. These are often too deep to penetrate yourself.
Conversation
- Don't disclose too much information about yourself. If somebody asks you questions, give him or her simplistically vague answers. This makes people want to learn more, perhaps giving them more of a reason to talk to you.
- If somebody asks something personal, such as, "What do you do for your birthday?" answer with something such as, "I'm always with my family and we have a small tradition. Sometimes friends get to come if they're close, otherwise I have a birthday party. We do something different each year." This will leave people wanting to know 1) what the tradition is, 2) why the friends who come to the family celebration get to come, and 3) what happens at the birthday parties. They'll have to talk to you more to find out.
- Share interesting moments through gossip. Don't gossip about others unless the person(s) give you explicit permission to do so or you only share within a close social person the other is in as well. Tell about yourself and experiences, but still be vague.
- Let's say you're a girl and you met a boy at your friend's party at a roller rink who chatted you up about maybe hanging out. You could say, "I was at a party someplace and met a cute guy. He suggested going somewhere, but I don't know if I'm busy."
- This leaves the people you told it to wanting to know 1) whose party, 2) party where, 3) who the guy was, 4) what he said to you, and 5) why you might be busy. Being vague can't be stressed enough.
- Let's say you're a girl and you met a boy at your friend's party at a roller rink who chatted you up about maybe hanging out. You could say, "I was at a party someplace and met a cute guy. He suggested going somewhere, but I don't know if I'm busy."
- Don't say "uh" or "um" too much - save that for text talk! Saying these small words mean the difference from being seen as confident and casual to nervous and an over-thinker. Unless somebody gives a particularly hard question, limit the usage of the conversation-breakers. You want to be quick while still understood.
Social Away from School or Work
- Have social networking. Get a Facebook and a Kik at least, and a phone number, Twitter, Snapchat, or Instagram if you feel necessary. Ask for peoples' mobile contact information once you deem it appropriate. They might not have a lot of it (especially if you're in school), so ask in parts combining multiple social networks.
- An example of a double multimedia conversation would be, "We should chat more! Do you have a phone number or Kik?" If the answer was to be no, continue with, "Maybe a snapchat or Facebook?" By now, if they haven't had any, they should tell you that they either 1) don't have any social network accounts, or 2) have a different social network account and will proceed to give it to you.
- Go places. If you're in school, invite friends to come over to your house to do homework and hang. In most social settings, you can invite people to go to a diner, a park, a coffee shop, mall, skate park, movie, etc. Conversations have an odd spark when in a setting other than the usual. If you see the chance, take it.
Personality
- Be unique! If you're into art, make art for others and show it off. If you play an instrument, join the orchestra, band, or form your own musical group. Take your unique talents and show the world what you can do with them!
- Be funny. People are naturally attracted to those who are funny, and this is the #1 way to make "unspoken friends" - where you're obviously friends, but it just happened one day with no real conversation needed. Join in or add on to jokes, crack one when appropriate, and laugh things off.
- Make sure you can take things seriously. Laughing or being funny too much can ruin relationships and bring your social status down a few rungs on the ladder. If somebody is going through a hard time, it may be okay to tell a joke to cheer him or her up, but not a joke about the situation.
- Have your own style. Like an Indie artist, nobody has heard of? Go ahead and listen to it with some friends, and enjoy it yourself. Obsessed with a certain snack or drink? Let others try! Wear bright colors while the rest of your environment is a bit more monotone? Heck, if it looks good, why wouldn't you?
- Don't constant flaunt these different features. There's a huge difference between sharing your interests and forcing something down others' throats. Like what you like, but don't show them around like they're any more important than the mainstream.
- Share stories. Once again, be vague in them, but go on and share them. Something funny at a birthday party, a strange experience on New Year's, dealing with an ex on Valentine's Day, or perhaps an odd gift for the holidays can all be shared.
Tips
- For the millionth time, be vague!
- End text conversations first and at the climax of the conversation, to leave the person wanting more.
- When people ask what you're doing (via email, text, etc.), say what you're going to do or just did.
- I.e. "What are you up to?" "Just got back from the supermarket" or "About to go to a party!" if you did/are doing something that day. Don't forget what you're actually doing then, though (you're human!)
- Be busy on occasion - don't have people thinking you're always open for them. Take an event that will be happening that day or nearby and stretch it to then.
- I.e. "Sorry, I'm going to the car dealership with my day. Do you think there's a chance to reschedule?" or "Ooh, I'm afraid I have to be at my sister's birthday party. Could I take a rain check?"
Warnings
- Never lie to get attention! It'll always come back to bite you in the rear.
- Don't sound snotty or self-absorbed when you tell people you're busy or are doing something. You're no more important than anyone else!
- Don't get caught not being busy when you said you were. If you said you couldn't come to a party and the host catches you at the convenience store right before, it could spread around the school and make people lose their trust in you.
