Know if Someone is Bisexual

Perhaps you're swooning over a person of the same gender who's always been ambiguous about their sexuality, maybe you're wanting to support a close friend or family member who seem like they could be bisexual, or you're just curious about bisexuality in general and want to meet more bisexual people. While there's no surefire way to tell if a person is bisexual, there are ways of

Steps

Before Recognizing a Bisexual Person

  1. Consider why you want to know. Nobody is obligated to tell anyone else their sexual orientation.[1] While there may be a legitimate reason for you wanting to know whether or not they're bisexual, wanting to know someone's sexuality just for the sake of it is usually considered nosy and sometimes rude. Before seeking information on someone's sexuality, you should consider whether you actually have a good reason for doing so.
    • Oftentimes, good reasons for wanting to know someone's sexuality is if you want to be in a relationship with them, or if you want to support them because they are getting bullied or are at risk of self-injury or suicide.
    • In many cases, if you're "just curious" about someone's sexuality, that's not going to be a good enough reason for them to tell you.
  2. Recognize that bisexuality is not the only option. The definition of bisexuality is often argued over, even by bisexual people themselves! Generally, the agreed-upon definition of bisexuality is that it is attraction to more than one gender;[2] however, some people identify as something other than bisexual, so keep this in mind. Even if you know for sure that the person is neither straight nor gay, they could be:
    • Bisexual, as you think they may be
    • Pansexual, meaning that they're attracted to people regardless of gender
    • Polysexual, meaning that they're attracted to some genders but not others
    • Asexual, meaning that they are not sexually attracted to others (but may be romantically attracted to others)
    • None of the above. Some people do not identify with sexuality labels.[3]
  3. Know that bisexual people of your same gender are not any more likely to develop a crush on you. Bisexuals are just the same as straight or gay people when it comes to romantic feelings - they develop romantic interests in some people, but not all of them.
    • Bisexual people don't have any more control over their romantic interests than straight people do.
    • Even if a bisexual person of your gender does have feelings for you, many of them will be understanding about it and respect your boundaries.
  4. Understand that LGBT+ identity is not gossip fodder. If someone you've met does turn out to be LGBT+ in some way (bisexual or otherwise), they're likely trusting you with something that they aren't very open about. Unless they give you explicit permission, you need to keep their sexuality (or gender identity) a secret; telling someone else about their LGBT+ status could actually endanger the person's life.
    • It is not okay to find out someone's sexuality or gender identity for the sole sake of telling others. This is referred to as "outing" and can be extremely dangerous for the LGBT+ person. Outing can lead to the person being abused, kicked out of their home, or even cause their death (due to suicide[4] or murder).

Identifying a Bisexual Person

  1. Befriend them. It's unlikely that you're going to find out someone's sexual orientation if they don't trust you, unless the person is open about it.
    • Befriend this person with the intent of being their friend, not for finding out their sexuality. If you befriend the person just to find out their sexual orientation, that will be extremely hurtful to them.
  2. Take note if they're ambiguous about the gender of their romantic partners. Do they use non-gender-specific terms when they mention a date - such as "they", "my partner", "we" rather than gender-specific pronouns, or leave out names? While this isn't a surefire indicator of any sexuality, it can be a hint that they might be bisexual (or have some other sexual orientation).
    • This isn't foolproof. There are a fair amount of non-bisexual people who will use gender-neutral terms (such as "significant other" or "partner") when talking about their romantic partner. However, if this person never brings up anything that might point to the gender of their romantic interests, that could be a sign that they're LGBT+.
  3. Initiate conversation about sexuality, say, sexual fluidity, the nature of bisexuality, biphobia as opposed to homophobia, and related social issues. See what comes up. It helps if you make it clear that you are accepting of bisexuality, and are NOT of the opinion that bisexuality is a myth, a phase, a state of confusion, etc.
  4. Comment on attractive features of people of any gender and see how they react.
  5. Watch a movie together that happens to have a sexy scene featuring either sex, separately. Eg a hot guy or girl bathing, undressing, or masturbating (the latter only if this is appropriate in your friendship group, of course). See how your friend reacts and behaves during and after - do they seem excited?
  6. Drop Hints That You're LGBT. Some people are frightened of coming out to others if they don't know if they'll be accepted.
    • This doesn't mean you need to suddenly act stereotypically gay or start playing up your gender identity and making the other person uncomfortable - just being subtle about it is fine.
  7. Ask them.



Tips

  • Human sexuality is a very nuanced topic, and self-identity is very difficult for many people. If someone is questioning their sexuality, they may not know what their own sexuality is. There's no real way for you to know anyone's sexuality, especially if they're unsure of it themselves.
  • Keep their secrets if they tell you them. They are not yours to tell, even if it is something huge. The only secret you should tell is if someone else is in grave danger, or they are going to commit suicide. Even then, tell their parents, the police, or even your parents. There is no need to have it spread around the school/wherever you are because it will just explode in to a huge unruly rumor, and they aren't much fun.

Warnings

  • It really doesn't matter what sexuality someone is unless you want to be with them, and they don't like your gender.
  • Finding out someone's sexuality to harass them for it is unacceptable. Every instance of bullying or abuse raises an LGBT+ person's risk of self-injury or suicide by 2.5 times,[5] and you never know how close someone is to hurting themselves. If you can't accept someone just because of their sexuality, you're probably better off not talking to them in the first place.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/asking-someone-about-their-sexuality
  2. ↑ https://bisexual.org/?qna=what-is-the-difference-between-bisexual-and-terms-like-pansexual-polysexual-omnisexual-ambisexual-and-fluid
  3. ↑ http://www.glaad.org/reference/bisexual
  4. ↑ http://www.thetaskforce.org/why-outing-can-be-deadly/
  5. ↑ http://www.save.org/about-suicide/suicide-facts/
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