Date a Bisexual Person

Dating a bisexual can be a really intimidating thing. Are they constantly checking out everyone? Will they eventually leave you when the realize what they actually want? Well, for starters, no and no. Dating a bisexual can be just like dating a Catholic, a race car driver, or a brunette. That is, it doesn't really matter. Read on to put your concerns away and relax in your relationship.

Steps

Understanding Your Partner

  1. Know that many bisexual people will not prefer one sex over another. Many bisexuals, even those who eventually marry, may change their preferences depending on how they feel. When entering into a serious relationship with a bisexual person, be prepared to accept their attraction to a person of another sex—the same way straight or gay people are attracted to members of one sex. Remember that if this person is dating you in the first place, it is because they are attracted to you as an individual.
    • Even though bisexual people are attracted to two sexes, this doesn't mean they are attracted to everyone. They have limits and standards, just like everyone else does. By the same token, do not ask your partner if they "prefer sex with men or women." If you are in a relationship with them, you must always assume that they prefer you.
  2. Respect the bisexuality of the person you're dating as part of his or her identity. Most bisexual people consider themselves to always be bisexual, no matter who they are dating at the time. Do not suggest that they are heterosexual if they are in a relationship with a person of the opposite sex, or that they are homosexual if they are in a same-sex relationship.
    • As such, do not ask your partner if he or she is attracted to each person that they meet. Instead, accept them as they are if you wish to retain your relationship with them.
    • Some people differentiate between their orientation and their behavior. Their orientation is bisexual, but their behavior (at least currently) is straight or gay. This is normal and all a part of the spectrum.
  3. Know that bisexuals aren't "in transition." Not so long ago, being gay was flat out unacceptable. As a result, many homosexuals eased the coming out process by proclaiming themselves as bisexual and sort of getting their feet wet. It sort of ruined everything for those who were actually bisexual, turning Bitown into a pit stop to Gayville. But that's not how it is. Sure, some people may transition that way, slowly realizing (or letting themselves realize) they're gay—but others are aware of themselves and know that they're bisexual without question.
    • It's perfectly normal to worry that your partner will eventually "turn" gay or "turn" straight. While it's feasible, don't think it's likely. Either way, right now they're into you, and that's all that matters.
  4. Realize that bisexuals aren't promiscuous. They are just like everyone else. The gay community (and bisexuals getting lumped into that) gets a bad rap for being particularly oversexed. A lot of that is true; there are a lot of homosexuals and bisexuals having tons of casual sex. However, there are lots of straight people having casual sex all over the place as well. It has less to do with the orientation of the person and much more to do with their character. Bisexuals are not any more or less likely to be monogamous than anyone else.
    • For a long time, many gay and bisexual people couldn't act on their feelings, or society would reject them. Now that society is becoming more tolerant, some people may try to make up for all that "lost time" once they come out of the closet. After all, a whole new world opened up to them. Wouldn't you take advantage of it too? So while promiscuity has nothing to do with orientation, it may have something to do with being held back for so long.
    • If he or she is a cheater, they're a cheater regardless of their sexuality. A person of good, upstanding character won't cheat, whether they're bisexual, homosexual, or heterosexual.[1]
  5. Understand that bisexuals aren't indecisive, untrustworthy, or confused. Many believe that bisexuals are just having their cake and eating it too, aren't really self-aware, or are immature and selfish and therefore can't be trusted. None of these are true. Bisexuals made the same choice that heterosexuals made. That is, they didn't make one. They just happen to be attracted to both sexes.
    • The idea that someone's sexual orientation determines their character is archaic. While many gays do tend to use their sexual orientation to identify themselves and grow their character, that's more of a poor reflection of society than it is a statement on the nature of sexuality. While liking men or women or both is a part of you, it's just a big a part as having brown hair or two arms. Big deal, right? It's just a question of preference, some prefer sweet, some prefer savoury, some like it hot, some prefer cold, some like men, some like women, some like both. It's really nothing to get hung up about. Focus on what you like about your partner and what they enjoy about your company.
  6. Know that they're just as likely to be monogamous. Persons who are considered to be bisexual are attracted to two sexes, but this doesn't mean that they feel the need to be with a man and a woman at the same time. Just like straight or gay people, the vast majority of bisexual men and women will want a monogamous relationship. When it comes to marriage, a bisexual person may end up with a partner of either gender.
    • If a woman marries a man it does not mean that she is straight, and by the same token, marrying a woman will not make her gay. The person that they marry will be the one they are in love with as a person, and may or may not have anything to do with gender.

Solidifying the Relationship

  1. Enter into a serious relationship with your significant other just as you would with any other person, regardless of sex or orientation. Understand that if they are attracted to a member of a different or the same sex as yours, that they are not cheating on you. This is the same as straight or gay people being attracted to other members of one sex. Remember that your partner is attracted to you as an individual, and by understanding that they wish to remain with you, it will make your relationship stronger.
    • In a serious relationship, your partner should not only be your lover, they should also be your best and most trusted friend. If you feel you cannot accept this, then do not enter into the relationship. Remember: It's no different than how a heterosexual person will always be attracted to the opposite sex, yet they chose to be in a relationship with you, instead of all the other people they are attracted to.
  2. Don't let jealousy become an issue. Sure, the entire world is open to them when it comes to sexual options. Sort of. Only not really. They still have standards. If anything, being bisexual is going to make them more selective when it comes to the men and women they are attracted to—and you're one of them!
    • And definitely don't let it morph your perception of yourself. You should not try to be more macho or more feminine. You nabbed them in the first place, so you are good as you are. Just because they're attracted to both sexes doesn't mean they want both at the same time.
  3. Don't let paranoia ruin the relationship's potential. If you're straight and you're dating someone who is bisexual, don't fret that they're just on their way to discovering they're gay. And if you're gay and dating someone who is bisexual, don't fret that they are "just going through a phase." This person wants to date you, and they won't suddenly become gay or straight. There is no reason to be paranoid.
    • Sometimes if you go looking for trouble, you'll find it. If you don't trust the person you're dating, they'll be able to tell. An otherwise perfect relationship could get ruined just by being in your head. Relax! Any paranoia on your part is just imagined.
  4. Maintain a healthy relationship with your significant other, as you would with any other person that you enjoy being with, or even love. Be honest with them, be open with them, and share thoughts and feelings. Forgive one another and tell the unarguable truth when it comes to disagreements, learn to appreciate your partner rather than show unhealthy criticism. Help each other when needed, and communicate openly about most any thing as you would, with a person of your same sexuality.
    • If your partner doesn't ease your jealous tendencies, then it's not because they're bisexual—it's because they're inconsiderate of your feelings. If you constantly find yourself wondering and worrying, it's an issue to be discussed with your partner. If you don't feel reassured and safe, it may be a relationship that needs to end.
  5. Ask questions. It is perfectly normal to need your worries or concerns assuaged. You need their orientation explained to you and odds are they'll be perfectly happy to do that. After all, it's certainly your business! Go in level-headed and confident. They're with you.
    • "Do you want a sexual relationship with a man/woman?" is a very different question than, "Are you sexually attracted to men/women?"[2] Some bisexuals will willingly admit they're into two sexes, but having a relationship with one isn't in the foreseeable future or is a hot fantasy. In your conversations, be sure to clarify meanings and speak clearly. Knowing will help you relax and assure you in your emotions and in your relationship.
  6. Be open minded. Some people think that bisexuality is a bad thing, and it certainly has its unique challenges. However, being bisexual is just another manifestation of human sexual diversity. You wouldn't discriminate against someone of a different race or denomination, so how is this any different?
    • Other people may feel it's in their right to ask you questions about dating a bisexual. They may openly express their disbelief at the legitimacy of your relationship or show inappropriate levels of surprise or pessimism. These people have old-fangled conceptions of relationships and don't deserve a second look. If you're happy, you're happy. That's all that matters.
  7. Take a look inward. If you're still concerned about dating a bisexual, it may be more a reflection of you than it is of them. Are there deeper issues of trust at play here? Maybe you're afraid they'll leave you not because they're bisexual, but because of your own issues with self-worth. It just gets all confused in your mind. Rest assured, they're with you.
    • Think about it this way: They chose you over every other person on the planet. How awesome does that feel? You sure must be something!

Tips

  • Bisexual people need their partner to acknowledge their sexuality. Not ignore it or be threatened by it. This goes for both homosexual and heterosexual relationships.
  • Try not to be extra cautious around them. This will make them feel insecure or annoyed. Just treat them like you would any other person, and don't avoid a certain topic just because they are bisexual.
  • Remember that, to a bisexual person, a person's sex becomes more like hair color in relation to attraction and desirability. To a bisexual person, being attracted to men and women is no different than liking both blond hair and brown hair.
  • Don't assume that because they're bisexual that they will necessarily go for the easier option, or that they can't understand the difficulty of being a gay/lesbian in a heterosexual society. They may also not be prepared to form a durable opposite-sex relationship. Bisexual people cannot choose to be straight, nor are they just denying that they are gay; they have about as much choice when it comes to who they are attracted to or fall in love with as anyone else.
  • If your motivations for dating a bisexual are just for some sexual fantasy, then be up front about it with your potential partner before the relationship develops.
  • A bisexual person may actually be a bit confused at your inability to be attracted to both sexes. This does not mean that you give off homosexual or heterosexual "vibes."
  • A bisexual person may want a different kind of relationship with one gender, and a different relationship with another. (For example: a long-term child bearing relationship with one gender, and a short-term physical relationship with the other.) This may be completely unrelated to their physical attractions.
  • Be true to yourself.
  • The bisexual might prefer one gender over the other, but if you're in a relationship with them, never assume that they would love you less or more if you were the opposite gender.
  • Bisexuality is to be attracted to two or more genders. This could mean only being attracted to specific aspects they associate with a particular gender, or attraction to people in general regardless of gender, et cetera. Some people who are attracted to all genders identify as pansexual.

Warnings

  • Don't ever tease them about being bisexual. They may just laugh it off, but inside you may be hurting them or making them feel insecure. So unless they actually tell you it's okay, don't tease them.
  • Do not assume, or suggest, that bisexual people are any more interested in threesomes or voyeurism than any other person. Bisexuality does not equate to being a sexual omnivore (being attracted to some men, and some women). Also, do not assume that they are more promiscuous than other people just because they are bisexual.
  • Do not tell them that being bisexual is just a transient thing and that they will finally find their sexual orientation. They know their own sexual orientation much better than you do, and your only job here is to accept them as they identify.
  • Similarly, do not suggest that a bisexual person would be necessarily more or less attracted to someone who is transgender. Transgender people often see themselves as entirely their target gender, and it is not "the best of both worlds". Implying that your partner might be more interested in a transgender individual makes you sound insecure and can be hurtful to everyone involved.
  • Some bisexual people appreciate certain traits in only one sex. For example, a bisexual person my like curves in women and muscles in men. Do not attempt to conform yourself to what they find attractive in the other gender without asking your partner. That is, don't try to appear curvy as a man, or muscular as a woman. Every bisexual person is different, and may want you to stay just as you are. However, if you want to change your appearance for your own benefit, that's okay too; every relationship should be equal, and you do not have to change, or stay the same, purely for your partner.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.clutchmagonline.com/2012/09/your-boyfriend-had-a-boyfriend-would-you-date-a-bisexual-man/
  2. ↑ http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2012/10/would-you-date-a-bi-guy-glamour-magazine-november-2012
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