Tell if Another Woman is Bisexual

There are ways to figure out whether another woman might be bisexual. Be very aware that there is no surefire way to determine this, short of asking her. Jumping to conclusions about a person can be risky. That being said, with some sincerity and confidence, you'll be able to better determine whether another woman might be bisexual.

Steps

Watching her Behavior

1. Notice whether she shows open appreciation for women. If the woman seems to generally appreciate women, including their sex appeal, there is a chance she is bisexual. Does she always notice other people's looks and comment on them in a sexualized way?
   • As with every potential clue, it’s possible she is just admiring another woman without having a sexual attraction to her. After all, women are constantly scrutinizing other women’s appearances.
   • However, if she repeatedly openly admires another woman’s sex appeal, maybe she is open to more.
2. Recognize that it’s possible she’s attracted to women but doesn’t realize she’s bisexual. This is not an uncommon phenomenon. Although it’s getting easier, it can be hard for people to admit they are bisexual to families and friends or even themselves.
   • Go with your intuition. Sometimes you just get a vibe. You generally know when someone seems attracted to you or someone else, right? Sometimes intuition can mean more than words. Some studies have found that up to 60 percent of women are attracted to other women, so it's not that rare. Whether they will act on it might be another story.
   • Society encourages women to develop emotional closeness to one another. For some, this can spill over into attraction. Realize that sexuality can be very fluid. Studies have found that women define their sexuality more ambiguously as they age.
   • The tricky part is that many platonic female relationships mirror romantic relationships because they are built on sharing intimate details and talking about personal issues for hours on end.
3. Determine whether she is going out of her way to be around another woman. Is she always trying to strike up a conversation with you or another woman? Does she try to sit next to the woman at meetings? These could be signs of interest.
   • If she goes out of the way to interact with another woman in ways a partner would, that’s a sign. Does she show up at the other woman’s soccer games or head to the bar when she hears the woman is there? Does she try to arrange things where it's just for two?
   • Is she always texting, emailing or calling, and not to talk about guys? This could be a sign that she is trying to get closer.
4. Figure out her relationship status. Although some women in relationships with men discover they are really bisexual, if she seems to have no man in her life, that’s also a sign she could be bisexual.
   • This is especially true if she seems like she has never had a man in her life in a romantic sense. Inquire about past romantic relationships that were serious.
   • Check out her social media. Does she post pictures of herself with only male friends and a lot of females? Does she seem to be surrounded by women a lot who aren’t relatives? What's her body language like around them? All of these could be signs.

Communicating with the Woman

1. Figure out whether she has had past experiences with women. Women kissing women has become more common in popular culture over recent years. If the woman is open about a past experience with a woman, there is a chance she would want to do it again.
   • You would need to gather more information, though, such as whether she liked doing it, who initiated it, and the context surrounding what happened.
   • If her past or present includes girl-on-girl porn, that’s another dead giveaway. If a woman enjoys watching a woman pleasure another woman, there’s a chance she’s imagining what it would be like to feel that way herself.
2. Tease out her feelings. Start generically. Ask which celebrity she has a crush on, and see if she names a woman. Or ask directly which female celebrity she finds the most attractive, and why, and see how she responds.
   • Bring up issues in the news like gay marriage to see how she reacts. Such issues can be contentious, but broaching them can give you clues about her sexuality.
   • You could mention that you are gay or bi to see how she reacts. Recognize that being bisexual can be a very confusing experience for some people. She might be very unclear about any of it, so resist the urge to label and seek bottom-line pronouncements. Just gather information.
3. Go ahead and just ask her. The best way to find out if a woman is bisexual is to ask her. Do this in a roundabout way at first, though, and if she’s giving you more signals she might be bisexual, eventually come out and ask.
   • For example, start by inquiring what she thinks of bisexuality. Or whether she’s ever found another woman attractive. Or whether she’s ever kissed a girl.
   • If you show an openness and genuine empathy and interest in her experiences, without judgment or pressure, she may level with you. Don’t be over serious. Ask in a casual, light-hearted way.
4. Know the difference between bi-curiosity and bisexuality. A woman might be bi-curious, meaning she wants to explore sexual activity with a member of the opposite sex.
   • Such a person might be bisexual or they just aren’t sure. A bisexual person is clearly attracted to people of both sexes, not just in it to see if they are.
   • Of course, a bi-curious person could learn they are bisexual with more experience. Sexuality can be very fluid.
5. Avoid saying things that might insult her. Bisexual women sometimes get sick of being asked clichés. It’s always a good idea to avoid generalizing any group of people and to instead get to know her as an individual.
   • Insisting she must really be gay or implying that she’s bisexual because she wants to have a lot of sex with different people or insisting you can change her (and make her either straight or gay) are things to avoid.
   • Don’t assume she’s bisexual because she doesn’t like or had a bad experience with men. Let her explain how she sees her own bisexuality. Let her define herself and her experiences. Make her feel comfortable talking about it. Tell her how much you respect gay and bisexual people and how many friends you have that are bisexual. Let her know that you think it is okay and that she can trust you
   • Don’t make quick judgments about her. The bottom line is that, although there are some ways to get clues, there is no way to know for sure if someone is bisexual just by looking at them.

Studying Her Body Language

1. Assess her mood and body language signals. Recognize that men are often more overt about expressing their interest in someone romantically. Women often hint.
   • What’s her mood like when she sees you? If she becomes giddy, extra happy to see you, and full of smiles, that’s a good sign. Does she ever show jealousy? If she shows jealousy, such as when you spend time with another friend, that could be a sign she’s interested.
   • Is she trying to get you alone or does she only hang out with you when other friends are along? If she’s always trying to get you alone, it might mean she wants to hook up with you.
   • Does she have open body language (body facing toward the woman, palms up, feet pointing toward the woman) or closed (arms crossed over her chest, palms down, body facing away, etc.)
2. Watch what she does with her eyes. If you catch her making eye contact with you (you’re a woman interested in her) or if you catch her making eye contact with another woman (if you’re a guy or a female friend of hers), she may be bisexual.
   • Persistent eye contact can be a way of creating intimate connection and to flirt. Also, you should pay attention to the amount of personal space she leaves between herself and other women. Is she trying to create a zone of intimacy?
   • Looking someone in the eyes and then glancing away is a sign of flirtation in many cases. People don’t usually lock eyes with people they only consider friends.
3. Look for clues in her fashion sense. Avoid stereotyping people. That being said, sometimes you can pick up clues from how she dresses her body.
   • If she goes for an androgynous look, or something like a suit-and tie combo, she might have a bisexual vibe. Other clothing that might provide a clue would be low-slung pants, Calvin Klein briefs, and trendy fitted blazers.
   • Keep an eye out for rainbow accessories or pins that show she’s out. Some hairstyles are more associated with being a lesbian than others, such as a barber’s cut or military cut. Short fingernails could also be a giveaway. However, absolutely none of these clues is surefire. There are many bisexual women who dress differently. It’s all individual.

TIPS

• Avoid easy labels. They often don't capture the full humanity of a person anyway.
• Ask yourself why it's your business to know? Sexuality is a very personal thing. If you're interested in her romantically yourself, that's one thing. If you're just being nosy, that's another.
• If it turns out she's not bisexual, don't take it personally. People are who they are. It's not a personal affront to you.

Sources and Citations

See also

• Deal with Homophobia at Work
• Figure Out Whether or Not You Are a Lesbian
• Be a Lesbian
• Accept That You Are Gay
• Know if You Are Heterosexual
• Get a Girl to Kiss You if You Are a Girl
• Accept Yourself As Bisexual
• Stop Using the Word "Gay" Inappropriately
• Be an Openly Gay Christian
• Understand Gay and Lesbian People

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