Make People Think You Are Confident

Everyone, even the most confident of people, has moments where they feel nervous, anxious, and unsure. But, confident people know how to handle those moments and use their nervous energy to their benefit. An aura of confidence can attract positive attention and open up new opportunities. Even if you don't feel confident, the "fake it 'til you make it" approach can give you some of the benefits right away, with real confidence hopefully following afterward. While it's probably not possible to be confident all of the time, you can learn skills to pull it off when it really matters, like at a job interview, presentation, or a social event. Practice improving your body language, social interactions, and confident lifestyle.

Steps

Using Confident Body Language

  1. Picture what a person lacking in confidence looks like. She may hang her head low, slouch, take up as little space as possible, and avoid eye contact. This posture is associated with submission and anxiety.[1] This body language reinforces and sends the message that you are nervous, submissive, and lack confidence. Changing your posture and body language will alter the impression you make on others, their behavior towards you, and eventually your own perception of yourself.
    • If you're not comfortable trying some of these techniques in public, practice them in a mirror or film yourself until you feel a bit more comfortable. You could also practice with a good friend and get some feedback.
  2. Stand tall with your head high. Stand and walk with your shoulders pulled back and level. Keep your chin level, with your face pointed straight ahead. Walk like you own the world, even if you don't feel like you do. Doing this will make yourself look poised because many people slouch.
    • Pretend you are hanging from a string attached to the top of your head.[2] Try keeping your head from moving around anxiously by choosing a fixed point to look at. Focus on the point, rather than moving your head.
  3. Learn to stand still. Anxious people often shift their weight from side to side, fidget, or tap their feet. Try standing with your feet at hip's width apart. Balance your weight across both legs.[2] Balancing, or planting, your feet will keep your from feeling like you need to be on the move.
    • Keep your legs balanced even when you're sitting. You'll appear anxious if your legs are twisted around or tapping.
  4. Take up space. Fight the urge to lean forward in your chair or tuck your arms under your armpits. Instead, be expansive and fill out the space around you. This is called power posing. Studies have shown that people who power-posed before interviews felt and came across as more confident.[3] Here are a few simple power poses to try:
    • When sitting down, lean back in your chair. Use the armrests if they're available.
    • Stand with your legs shoulder-width apart and place your hands on your hips.
    • Lean, don't slouch, against walls. This will unconsciously make it appear as though you own the wall or room.[4]
  5. Use touch effectively. If you need to get someone's attention, touch the person's shoulder. You'll need to consider the situation and interaction to gauge how appropriate physical contact is. For example, if you can get a person’s attention by simply calling her name, physical contact may come off as a little too forward. But if you are in a loud, crowded venue trying to get someone’s attention, a light touch on the shoulder can draw her attention to you.
    • Remember the touch should be light. Too much pressure could come across as being too dominant as opposed to calm and confident.
  6. Keep your hands in confident positions. While standing or sitting, keep your hands mostly still. Confident positions usually leave the front of your face and body open, instead of closing them off from others. Here are a few suggestions:[5][6]
    • Clasp your palms together behind your back or behind your head.
    • Stick your hands in your pockets, but show your thumbs.
    • Steeple your fingers together and rest your elbows on a table. This is a very assertive position, best used for negotiations, interviews, and meetings.
  7. Use hand gestures carefully. Emphasizing every word with a hand gesture can come across as anxious or energetic, depending on your culture. Go with the occasional, controlled gesture instead. Keep your arms at waist level and make most of your gestures within that space. This will make you look more credible.[7]
    • Use an open, relaxed palm in social contexts. A rigid palm or fist is very aggressive or dominant, typically used by politicians.
    • Keep your elbows at your side. Gesture with your hands slightly to one side, to avoid blocking your body.

Having Confident Social Interactions

  1. Make eye contact. Maintaining eye contact while you are talking, as well as when the other person talks, is a sign of confidence and interest. Never check your phone, stare at the floor, or keep scanning the room. This can make you appear rude, anxious, or even discomforting.[3]Try to keep eye contact for at least half of your interaction.[7]
    • As a start, try to make eye contact with someone long enough to find out what color eyes the person has.[7]
  2. Shake hands firmly. A solid handshake can instantly make you seem confident and self-assured. Extend your hand to offer the handshake as you approach someone. Grip the other person's hand firmly, but not painfully. Pump up and down slightly for two or three seconds, then release.[8]
    • If you get sweaty palms, keep a tissue in your pocket. Wipe your hand before you offer it.
    • Never give a limp or "dead-fish handshake." It can make you appear weak.[7]
  3. Speak slowly and clearly. If you tend to jumble words in an attempt to rush through what you're saying, slow down. Pausing a second or two before you speak gives you time to plan your response, making you appear more relaxed and confident.[4]
    • When you slow down, your voice will also seem deeper. This can make you seem confident and in charge.[4]
  4. Smile often. Smiling can instantly make you appear warm, friendly, and approachable. Studies have shown that people like and remember other people that smile at them.[7] If you have trouble keeping a natural smile, just flash a brief smile and return to a more neutral expression.
    • Laughter is another good way to display and boost confidence, when appropriate. Avoid a constant giggle, which can come across as nervous or overbearing.[9]
  5. Stop apologizing. If you find yourself constantly apologizing, even for trivial things, break out of the cycle. You'll learn to feel and act more confident.[10] Tell your close friends you're working on this. After you apologize to one of them needlessly, say "wait, no, I don't need to apologize!" If you can joke about it with them, it may reduce your fear of insulting someone.
    • On the other hand, accept compliments gracefully. When someone compliments you, smile and say "thank you." Do not respond by putting yourself down, or downplaying your accomplishments ("It was nothing").
  6. Treat others with respect. Treating others with respect shows that you value them as people, you're not threatened by them, and you're confident in who you are. Instead of gossiping about someone, avoid engaging in the drama. This shows that you're comfortable with who you are.[11]
    • Chances are, other people will learn to respect you and become inspired. People will also probably stop dragging you into dramatic or tense situations since they know you won't become involved.
  7. Practice these new social skills. Go out to a party or social gathering to practice some of these techniques. Remember, you do not have to approach and become friends with everyone at the gathering. Even if you just engage with one person all night, you should consider this a win. If you're not comfortable going out to practice and have instead been practicing at home, enlist a friend's help.
    • For example, you might ask your friend to be your audience or interviewer if you're preparing for a presentation or interview. If you feel comfortable with it, invite the friend along to the presentation. This can help you by focusing your attention on your confidant, your friend, rather than the people in the room.

Developing a Confident Lifestyle

  1. Look and feel your best. Taking good care of yourself is important to your well-being. Your hygiene, attire, and health are all worth the effort, especially if you are trying to impress at a job interview or date. Appearance and first impression are very powerful. Looking sharp puts you at an advantage and makes others more receptive to you. You'll look good and confident at a glance.
    • Spend time each day on your hygiene. Shower, brush your teeth, and apply deodorant as often as necessary.
    • Wear clothes that you think make you look and feel good. Your self-confidence will get a boost if you wear clothes that put you at ease and make you feel comfortable.
  2. Appreciate yourself for who you are. Acting in a confident manner will make you appear to be more confident, but it's also important to find value in yourself as an individual. This will give you real confidence. You are a special, talented person, and there are plenty of people who want to see you happy. If you're struggling to do this, make a list of your accomplishments. Don't be afraid to congratulate yourself.[12]
    • Be honest with yourself and others. When people see that you are able to trust yourself and own up to your actions, they'll like you more. They'll also be more likely to trust and believe in you.
  3. Learn to manage your fear. People who lack confidence are often afraid of making a mistake, or coming across as the wrong sort of person. When anxiety rises in your mind, take a deep breath and tell yourself "I can do this. My fear isn't rational." Acknowledge the mistake or setback, but don't dwell on it.
    • Once you've built up some confidence, try something you feel extra-anxious about. For many people, this may be asking a question in a large group, or admitting that you don't know something.
  4. Create a confident mentality. If you lack confidence, you may be focusing on negative events that have shaped your life. Don't look at a mistake and see it as a failure. Instead, see it as something to learn from that can develop your character and confidence. Remember that every mistake is an opportunity to learn how to improve next time.[13]
    • Remind yourself of all the other times you succeeded. Everyone, no matter how confident or presentable they may be, makes mistakes. It is how you deal with them that really matters in the long run.
  5. Start journaling. This can reduce stress by letting you put stressful thoughts on paper (as opposed to just floating your mind), and the act of writing allows you to think about things in a different way.[14] To start journaling, try writing a list like, “Things I Feel Proud of That I Need to Remember When I Am Upset.” (This is most easily written when you are in a good mood.) These sorts of things are always true, but when we are in a bad, anxious, or less than confident mood we tend to overlook them. Keeping this kind of list handy can help remind you you have things to feel confident about.
    • For example, you can include things like, “Proud I can play guitar,” “Proud that I am a rock climber,” “Proud that I can make my friends laugh when they are sad.”
  6. Ask yourself confidence-building questions. The greatest source of feeling of confident has to come from you. When you feeling less than confident, ask yourself: What do I have that others don’t? What makes me a contributing member of society? What are my challenges and how can I improve? What will give me a feeling of self-worth? Remind yourself that it's unrealistic to think you should be perfect all of the time.
    • If you find yourself becoming anxious before an interview, for example, take five minutes before you go into the interview to try some of these stress management and confidence building techniques. Remind yourself you're prepared and are being interviewed for a reason. Stretch your arms up high and wide, then hold them on your hips. Shake out your body a bit to loosen up and take a deep breath. Strongly exhale and remind yourself that you can do this.

Addressing Fears

  1. Understand how fear affects your confidence. Sometimes people become hyper aware of themselves and worry they're coming across the wrong way which can make other people think poorly of them. Everyone feels fearful and nervous from time to time, and this is normal. But, if you are feeling fearful to the point that it affects your daily life and interactions, it may be time to address some of these fears.[15]
  2. Check in with your body. What is your body telling you? Is your heart racing? Are you sweating? These are all autonomic, or involuntary, bodily responses that are meant to ready us for action (like fight or flight), but sometimes these bodily sensation can create more fear and worry. How is your body feeling?
    • Ask yourself, “What about this situation is making me nervous and fearful?” Maybe you are worried about sitting in the wrong seat at a nice dinner or you will say the wrong thing and you will be embarrassed.
  3. Evaluate what you're afraid of. Determine if this fear is helping you in some way or if it's keeping you from doing things or living your life. Some other things you can ask are:
    • What am I afraid of happening?
    • Am I sure it will happen? How sure?
    • Has it happened before? What was the end result of it happening before?
    • What is the worst that could happen?
    • What is the best thing that could happen (that I may miss out on if I don’t try)?
    • Will this moment affect the rest of my life?
    • Am I being realistic with my expectations and beliefs?
    • If my friend were in my shoes, what advice would I give her?
  4. Learn to deal with your fear through deep breathing. Taking a few deep breaths can be powerful and help you keep your anxiety in check. Deep breathing slows your heart rate. If you can, try placing your hand on your belly and taking deep breaths so that only your hand on your belly moves, but not your chest.
    • This is called, “Diaphragmatic Breathing.” Deep breathing can help you relax and reduce your anxiety.[16]
  5. Practice meditation and Be-Mindful. Many times we feel nervous and anxious when we feel we are not in control. If you are going into an anxiety producing situation, take a few minutes beforehand to do a few minutes of meditation or journaling before going into the situation. This way, you will be in a calmer state to start.[17]
    • If you have persistent, nagging thoughts that are leading to anxiety, you may feel like you have no control. Meditating and mindfulness lets you acknowledge a persistent, nagging thought then let it go.
  6. Write down what you're afraid of. Write down the thought that causes fear or anxiety. Ask yourself questions to evaluate where the fear comes from. Doing this will let you keep track of your thoughts and fears, identify patterns, think about the fear in a different way, and help remove it from your mind.[18]
    • Though you may not be able to in the moment, write it down later. The point is that you do it and get to the source of your fear.

Tips

  • Constantly practice. The more you do it, the more you'll own it.
  • Do something more embarrassing than what you really have to do. The more you get used to feeling embarrassed the less you'll actually feel embarrassed.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ Briñol, P., Petty, R.E., & Wagner, B. (2009). Body posture effects on self-evaluation: A self-validation approach. European Journal of Social Psychology, 39, 1053-1064.
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://changingminds.org/techniques/body/confident_body.htm
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://www.scienceofpeople.com/2014/05/look-feel-confident-using-body-language/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 http://www.psychology24.org/how-to-appear-more-confident-immediately/
  5. ↑ http://www.simplybodylanguage.com/hand-gesture.html
  6. ↑ http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/chap6.html
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 7.2 7.3 7.4 http://www.forbes.com/sites/carolkinseygoman/2013/08/21/12-body-language-tips-for-career-success/
  8. ↑ http://www.thekindtips.com/job-interview-tips-on-how-to-shake-hands/
  9. ↑ http://www.mrselfdevelopment.com/2013/05/15-keys-to-incredible-confidence/
  10. ↑ http://www.pbs.org/thisemotionallife/blogs/10-real-ways-overcome-embarrassment
  11. ↑ http://womanitely.com/common-habits-confident-people/
  12. ↑ http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/242763
  13. ↑ http://www.forbes.com/sites/amyanderson/2013/05/15/people-can-change-their-past-put-mistakes-behind-you/
  14. ↑ Purcell, M. (2013). The Health Benefits of Journaling. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 22, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-health-benefits-of-journaling/
  15. ↑ http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2009/02/17/how-to-build-confidence-and-destroy-fear/
  16. ↑ http://www.anxietycoach.com/breathingexercise.html
  17. ↑ http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/mindfulness-meditation-may-ease-anxiety-mental-stress-201401086967
  18. ↑ http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/adult_hmsocial.pdf
Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Make_People_Think_You_Are_Confident&oldid=305537"