Make a Good First Impression

First impressions have a significant effect on the future of a relationship.[1] In a first impression, the person you are meeting is trying to answer for themselves two basic about you: “are your intentions good?” and “are you competent?”[2] Some people seem to have a natural charisma that leaves no doubt about these questions. For the rest of us, there are some simple steps to take that improve the chances of making a mark in any first social or business meeting.

Steps

Preparing Ahead of Time

  1. Prepare questions and talking points. Before you go into your first meeting with someone, think about what you want to learn from them and what you want them to learn about you. This will help you to get clearer about your own thoughts and feelings, and cut down on the possibility of a dull moment in the conversation.[3]
    • For a job interview, research the company ahead of time. If your questions are about specific aspects of the business, it will show you are a serious candidate who has really considered what it would be like to work for them.
    • If you are meeting someone whose work you admire, take the time to find out more about them so you can ask relevant questions and dig deeper than the average fan.
  2. Set an intention. Have a clear answer to the question, "what do I want from this meeting?" When you have your own goals in a meeting, you are more likely to be perceived as someone who is mature and competent. It can also help to "ground" you in situations where you may be nervous.[4]
    • Your intention should be something within your control. If you are applying for a job, the intention "I want to get this job" doesn't give you a specific course of action. Instead, try setting an intention like, "I want to emphasize these 3 qualifications that I think make me the best candidate." This is something that it is within your power to do, and will be more helpful as a guide for you during the meeting.
  3. Develop your personal elevator pitch. An elevator pitch is a short summary of who you are and what you do -- and it is not just for elevators! It should be no more than three or four sentences, and it should be able to roll off your tongue with ease.[5]
    • Practice in front of a mirror or with friends until the pitch feels natural and not rehearsed.
    • Be ready to adjust your pitch for different people and situations.
  4. Look your best. How you look really matters when meeting people.[6] You'll want to choose your outfit based on the context of the meeting, so how you dress for a job interview will be different for how you dress for a punk show.
    • Dress to either stand out or blend in. Great first impressions can be made both ways, and your answer to this question will depend on what your intentions are and your own comfort level. Either way, pay attention to the details of your outfit.[7]
    • How you look isn't just your clothes: it’s also your car or house. Give them a good cleaning if there's a chance the person you want to impress will see them.
    • Pay attention to your mood. You could be dressed to the nines, but if you are having a terrible day, it will probably show. If it’s possible, avoid having to make first impressions when you are really feeling low.[8]
  5. Identify the stakes of the meeting. In a job interview or an encounter with someone you may never meet again, the first impression might be your only shot at connecting with the person you are meeting. In other cases, like meeting your co-workers on the first day of a new job or moving to a new town, you may want to simply be friendly and let your capabilities demonstrate themselves in the coming days or weeks.
  6. Try to schedule the the time and place of the meeting. If you have the ability to do so, either suggest a place and time that works best for you, or come to an agreement with the person you are meeting about what works best for you both. Keep in mind that the environment of your first meeting can have a big effect on our mood and stress levels. [9]
    • If you are preparing for a date, pick a place where you think both you and the person you and your date will feel comfortable.
    • Pick a time of day that allows you time to prepare before hand and relax a bit afterward, so that you aren't rushing from one thing to the next.

Being Engaging During Your First Impression

  1. Greet people appropriately for the context. In many business situations, a handshake is important, but there are different customs for greeting in different cultures. If you're unsure about how formally you should greet someone, err on the side of formality. Its better to appear overly polite and professional than to assume a higher comfort level than the other person is ready to allow.
  2. Smile. Smiles can have a remarkable effect on people, even to the point of allowing them to overcome their own racial and gender biases.[10] They also decrease your own stress levels -- even if they feel "forced" at first.[11]
  3. Communicate with Body Language. Whether you're aware of it or not, your body language is communicates tells things about us to others. You want to appear confident, comfortable in your own skin, and like someone will at ease around. [12]
  4. Practice active listening. Active listening is a skill for really engaging with what others are saying, allowing them to feel like their thoughts are heard, understood, and respected. If you are planning what you are going to say next while another is talking, you probably aren't listening very closely. Focus on what they are saying and ask questions that will allow them to elaborate on their thoughts. [13]
  5. Keep them interested. When you are speaking, pay attention to their interest level and be ready to adjust your approach to keep them engaged.
    • If they are distracted by something that seems interesting, see what has grabbed their attention and remark on it. Don’t try to force them back to you. Move with the flow and share whatever they are interested in together.
    • If there is nothing obvious distracting them, and they just seem to be elsewhere, this might be a sign you are talking too much. Try asking them a question.
  6. Leave them wanting more. If you have a great connection with someone during a first encounter, don’t be afraid to say “goodbye for now.” If you really connect, ask to exchange contact info and send a follow up text or email about how nice it was to meet them.[14]

Tips

  • Relax. If you're nervous, take some deep breaths and think about your intention. If your intention feels like its not going to work out, set a new, more modest intention.
  • If you feel like you've made a bad first impression, don't panic. There are ways to repair the damage.

Related Articles

  • Make a Good First Impression

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.spsp.org/news-center/press-releases/even-fact-will-not-change-first-impressions
  2. ↑ https://www.wired.com/2012/11/amy-cuddy-first-impressions/
  3. ↑ https://hbr.org/2016/09/how-to-make-a-great-first-impression
  4. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/yec/2011/11/02/5-ways-to-make-a-killer-first-impression/#25d7097c92ab
  5. ↑ http://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2014/06/elevator-pitch.aspx
  6. ↑ http://www.science20.com/news_articles/appearance_says_lot_when_making_first_impressions
  7. ↑ http://www.emeraldinsight.com/doi/abs/10.1108/13612021311305128
  8. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/yec/2011/11/02/5-ways-to-make-a-killer-first-impression/#257e695192ab
  9. ↑ http://www.stresstips.com/the-role-of-environmental-stress-in-your-mood/
  10. ↑ http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11031-016-9558-6?wt_mc=alerts.TOCjournals
  11. ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/07/study-forcing-a-smile-genuinely-decreases-stress/260513/
  12. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201108/body-language-basics
  13. ↑ http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htm
  14. ↑ https://hbr.org/2013/10/the-power-of-restraint-always-leave-them-wanting-more
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