Get a Good Man

It is not easy for women to find a good man, and to be honest it is not easy for a man to find a good woman. This is written from a man's perspective to help frustrated women that are sincerely looking for a good man but keep finding losers.

Steps

  1. Be yourself. When you meet someone for the first time, you may be tempted to be someone you're not, such as "putting on your best face". There's nothing wrong with wanting to make a good impression. However, it is possible to take this too far and in turn repel men. The same applies with myths about dressing sexy and excessive flirtation. If you do not respect your body, you will only attract men who have a similar lack of respect for you and your body, and a good man will find it more difficult to take you seriously. Be yourself, and a real man will respect you.
  2. Have a life. Desperate, dramatic, and clingy relationships are often rooted in a feeling of need and desperation for a man to fill your life. Even if you have low self-esteem, work over time to build it. Pursue your goals and be focused, explore your passions, have an interesting life, do things that take you outside your boundaries. Don't put up a tough exterior to get over shyness; gradually learn to build trust with a network of people, so that your boyfriend isn't the only person you open up to and share your life with. Also remember to trust yourself first. If you can't trust yourself, you are likely to not trust your man.
  3. Be relaxed and cool. Most guys hate it when girls are possessive, moody, clingy, controlling, etc. Learn to relax, and have fun. We all have too much going on in our lives; don't be the high maintenance "drama queen". Having a woman around who makes life more difficult than enjoyable will make a man lose interest. If you do things like show genuine concern when the man has had a rough day, it will earn his respect and go toward winning him over and a good man will reciprocate. Remember that most men, especially the good ones, are looking for someone with whom they can be comfortable, and not someone who is always intense.
  4. Realize differences in communication. Men can often miss the subtle messages that women send in their body language. Don't judge a guy because of this; it's just the way men are. Subtle body language like smiles only make a man think that you might like him; he can't assume it means you're interested without being accused of being a self-absorbed jerk. To drive the point home, gradually introduce more "obvious" body language like playful touches on the arm, playful banter and teasing, winks, inside jokes, playfulness, or (when you know him better) attempts to find a man's ticklish spots. (Don't be afraid to kindly tease him over minor things - women who pretend a man is perfect are regarded as weak in their eyes.) Flirting will not only show him you like him enough to get that physical and playful, but also help to break the physical barrier and allow a man to feel more comfortable making a few advances to you. But don't forget to look at how he is reacting to you.
  5. Take a good look at yourself. Psychological studies have shown that people seek out partners to fill a psychological void. Sometimes these voids are unhealthy; for example a woman who is unhealthy will actually seek out any man for the "high of seduction" or to get attention and feel desirable. Look inside yourself and ask yourself why you want a man so badly, be truly honest with yourself, and, if need be, talk to a therapist about this. A woman with issues only attracts a guy with issues as well, and a good, real man doesn't want anything to do with a woman who has more issues than TIME magazine. If you want a good, healthy relationship with a real man, make certain that your own mental state and intentions are healthy.
  6. Drop the games. Nobody likes a partner who plays "head games". This is deceptive, and will hurt anybody who trusts you. Be real, don't play games, and good men will respect you and may even pursue you. Playing head games will only make good men run away. Remember the communication thing? That is especially true here. If you like a guy, don't push him away and act like you don't like him. Tell him. Yes, there are some men who do like the thrill of the chase, but all good men genuinely want to respect you and your wishes, and will leave you alone if you insist on it. Remember, men communicate directly; if you act like you don't want him, he'll think you don't want him.
  7. Treat him with respect. This is the most important thing of all. Men hate being around a woman who emasculates them, and a good man won't take long to leave such a woman. Don't be afraid to help your man feel good about himself. A little known secret is that men are just as insecure as women. If he's with his friends or family be open to opportunities to let your man look like "the man". It will win his love and respect.
  8. Don't be afraid to make a move. Let's be real: a good man doesn't desperately need any woman; he would like to meet a good woman. If he's a good man, he will appreciate the compliment to his attractiveness, at the very least. But remember that compliments are usually given to acquaintances - people who are intimate usually have a more honest connection, with playful teasing and banter. Think of good relationships between brothers and sisters, parents and children, especially couples - they're always joking, laughing, teasing, flirting in a positive way. A woman who is always complimenting may simply be boring and look desperate. Even if you are old-fashioned and never want to be the woman who asks a man for a date, you can still go out of your way to talk to him, and arrange to be with him. Don't overdo this, however; unless he is already attracted to you before the encounter, the more obvious it is that you've put a ton of time into the encounter without his direct encouragement, the more desperate and less attractive you look. Work on building attraction first.
  9. Respect yourself. If you say no, he should stop. If he doesn't stop, leave. Don't ever be uncomfortable saying no. Don't go against your morals to try to keep a guy. If you feel this is necessary, then either he's not a good man, or he is a good one but simply isn't a good match for you specifically (e. g. he is currently "playing the field" and is up front and honest about it, but you're looking for an exclusive relationship). Don't be uncomfortable saying yes, either. If you feel the time is right, believe in your worth and don't worry that you're "giving yourself away." You respect yourself and you're confident that he'll come back for more! A man who doesn't respect you in the morning never properly respected you to begin with, and a man who doesn't respect your wishes to wait is too impatient to make a good partner. Either way, find someone else.
  10. Follow the Golden Rule. That means apply the same rules to yourself that you'd apply to others, including him. Real men do in fact notice this; they just don't scream it out. For example, if he tells you he has a girlfriend and things are not working out, Stop! and think ladies that this could be a "test" on how you would handle the situation, so stand your ground and cut off communication (hint: "Golden Rule"). Second example: if you do want to try finding his ticklish spots, then don't complain one bit if he tries finding yours in return. Don't go on about how you "don't NEED no man!" or about "men this, men that" if you don't want him treating you the same way. DO, on the other hand, treat him--and others--with respect, dignity, and honor. Others will notice, too, and who knows--if they know you want a good, real man but don't yet have one, they just might introduce you to one!
  11. Don't Be clingy. This means, don't show that you love this person by being near them all the time. They need their space and they need to know that you don't need to follow them everywhere they go. Most of all, they need to know that you have your own life.
  12. Do some helpful research. If you want to read more on how to get a man, there's a good e-book that could be useful: www.howtogetaman.org
  13. Don't lower your standards just because you can't find a good guy. Respect yourself and you will find someone who respects you too.

Tips

  • A good way to meet someone is through other people, or activities you enjoy. Some advice about being genuine: Don't take up hobbies or habits just to meet someone. If you meet him in a bar, he's liable to be a drinker. If you meet him in a house of worship, he's likely to be religious. First impressions are important, so if his first impression of you is "party girl", it will be difficult to change. The same thing goes for if his first impression of you is "uptight girl" or "mind-game girl".
  • Practice the Golden Rule. If you want him to do something, you should be equally willing to do it yourself. You want him to ask you out or take you out or do whatever else for you? You should be equally willing, and don't wait for or expect him to do it first. Good men respect a woman who applies the same rules to herself that she would apply to a man.
  • Men can detect that the office interaction is a little sour or frigid. How to become great, gorgeous and sweet, and use flirting, charisma and creating the setting, so that men might make passes at you at least once a day and have suitors in the office occasionally walking around you. Take care of your body with good nutrition, hygiene and exercise; why not? Use a beautician and fashion stylist to optimize your looks.
  • Listen to the way he talks to you, also his body communication. Try to find things in common to keep a conversation going. Men always love a girl who could just be herself around him, and in public.
  • Trusting his friends more than you shouldn't be included in a relationship. Know that having a good man means having a man who trusts you more than anyone.

Warnings

  • Remember - interesting men look for interesting women. Make sure your life is about more than just him.
  • Always give a man his space when he needs it - never come between a man and his friends, family duties, or his favorite hobby like playing in a band, asking him to choose - he will ultimately resent you for it, even if he initially chooses you.

Related Articles

Retrieved from "https://kipkis.com/index.php?title=Get_a_Good_Man&oldid=331509"