Not Care What Others Think of You

Trying to please everybody else all the time is exhausting. It's one thing to help out a person who needs it; it's quite another to end up swamped underneath everyone else's wishes and requests, with no time left for yourself. Reclaim your personal worth and learn to not care so much what others think of you by following these steps.

Steps

Learn to Appreciate Yourself

  1. Affirm your worth. There is a simple exercise you can do that helps you care more about yourself and better appreciate the power you have as an individual. It only takes a few minutes and has been proven surprisingly effective in psychological studies:
    • Make a list. Write down a short list of different topics of interest in your life. Don't write specifics for now. Just make a list that covers general areas of your life that include you as an important element.
      • A typical example might include the topics “religion, family, school friends, work friends, romantic relationships, artistic ability, musical ability, academic performance, athletic ability.”
      • Try to come up with categories based on the general divisions you would naturally make in your mind.
    • Find a point of pride. Pick one category on your list that you have always been especially proud of. For example, maybe you believe you have been (or would make) a wonderful girlfriend or boyfriend. Perhaps there is a subject in school that you have always been particularly interested in. Go with whatever comes to mind based on the list you made.
    • Write about it. Write your chosen category at the top of another piece of paper, and then spend a few minutes writing about one particular time or instance when it was important to you, and why it was important. If you believe you are a very good friend, write about a time that you went out of your way to help a friend out; if you've always loved playing the guitar, write about a time your guitar playing made a positive impact on your day.
  2. Center yourself. More than just a one-time step, centering yourself is an ongoing process that yields consistent benefits. Exactly what it means to center yourself varies slightly depending on who you ask, but the general consensus is that it means refocusing your priorities to be more in line with your personal beliefs. Try these popular centering techniques:
    • Meditation is probably the most common centering technique, and one of the most effective. Simply stand or sit comfortably in a place with no distractions, and focus on clearing your mind.
      • Some people find it useful to focus their thoughts inward on themselves, while others prefer to focus their thoughts outward into the world at large.
      • Whichever way you choose, put yourself in a mental place where you can see the elements of your life more clearly and observe them without getting confused or overwhelmed.
    • Visualization often goes hand-in-hand with meditation, but can also be done in just about any place and at just about any time. Visualization is the practice of using imagery to help guide your thoughts.
      • Spirituality often informs visualization, as people will envision themselves being lifted by angels out of their own bodies, or growing deep roots and becoming a part of the Earth.
      • Other common motifs include floating in space, or traveling through a portal into a different time or place. Go with whatever attracts you.
      • Clear your mind for a moment and visualize a scenario that lets you feel calm, free, and unashamed, and use that scenario any time you need to visualize in the future. It will become like a good friend to you, a safe place for your mind to go when you are feeling overwhelmed.
  3. Track your achievements. Make a small journal and write down everything you did at the end of each day before you go to sleep, including meditations.
    • Write down everything. Even mundane things like “went to school” and “washed dishes” should go into this journal – anything that you technically had a choice about doing, and chose to do anyway.
    • Take pride in your achievements. When you do something you're particularly proud of, such as passing a test or finishing a project, feel free to write it into your journal with some kind of extra mark to show that you are proud of it.
    • Lean on your words. Keep your journal to yourself and read over it at the end of every week. It will remind you of all the things you do every day to maintain and improve your life, and serve as proof that your voice deserves to be heard as much as anybody else's.
  4. Practice saying no. Now that you are taking steps to affirm and nurture yourself, it's time to translate those good feelings into action.
    • Be civil, but be firm. The next time you're asked to do something you don't really feel like doing, politely decline the request.
    • Enjoy the results. You'll be pleasantly surprised to find that when you stand your ground in a civil manner, people usually respect your choice and drop the subject.
    • Don't sweat excuses. You don't need an excuse to say no. Courteous excuses are all well and good, but often, not wanting to do something is as simple as not wanting to do it, and that's okay.
      • The sole exception is times when you are shirking your regular responsibilities (for example, refusing to perform a regular task at work).
    • Feel free to explain yourself. If you do have a concrete reason for not wanting to do something, and you can explain it quickly on the spot, go ahead and do so. There's no harm in explaining your thought process. Just remember that you don't owe it to anyone as a matter of course.
  5. Bring your new attitude into your whole life. You've rediscovered things about yourself that you can be proud of, lessened the influence that the opinions of others have on your self-image, found time to track your achievements and center yourself every day, and learned that you can say no without dire consequences. You're ready to truly be yourself with everyone around you.
    • Embody your new self. Act from your personal center whenever possible, take time to sort things out when you become upset, and let your presence, rather than your actions, please the people in your life.
    • Arm yourself with knowledge. Read the subsections below for useful advice on handling different social environments.

Advice for Dealing With Your Peers

  1. Don't be shy to show who you are. You might be surprised by the positive reaction you'll get when you say what's on your mind and act according to your beliefs. People like people who do their own thing and go their own way.
    • Be yourself. You don't have to make an effort to stand out – just stop making so much of an effort to fit in.
    • Don't take any shade. There will often be a small minority of people who will be critical of your new found poise and presence. Their words may sting, but you can handle it.
      • Use visualization and meditation to review what's being said and who is saying it. Generally you'll discover that it's a tiny percentage of your overall peer group, and people you don't even like or respect very much to begin with.
  2. Control your social environment. Work to surround yourself with people who accept you.
    • Let your bad friends go. Since you have always bent to the wishes of others in the past, you may find that some of your friends don't like that they can't take advantage of you anymore. Leave them behind and seek out people who like you for your personality instead.
    • Count on your good friends. With the support of those who like you for who you are, it will be much easier to handle the few people who don't like your new backbone with grace and calmness.

Advice for Dealing With Relatives

  1. Support yourself. Take extra time to practice feeling good. You are who you are and that's okay.
    • Stand your ground. Family members have a level of power over your emotional state that only you can match, but you can indeed match it if you focus and give yourself the support you need.
    • Control your inner voice. Silence the voice in your head that agrees with familial criticisms and adds on to them.
    • Keep your perspective. Remember, nobody is perfect, but you're at least as good as anybody else, and not even members of your family have the right to say otherwise.
  2. Talk to your family. This is your family – you can't choose them, for better or worse. While there are times it is prudent to say nothing, the root of the problem will have to be addressed at some point.
    • Draw a line. Caring what your family thinks of you is normal and healthy, but only to a point. If you feel like there's too much pressure on you to make other members of your family happy, speak up.
    • Stay poised. Be calm and methodical, and ask your family to help you be free to be yourself. They may not even have realized you felt so much pressure.
  3. Practice diplomacy. When there's no other choice, the fine art of saying nothing at all is quite useful in dealing with the opinions of family members who won't stop hurting your feelings.
    • Hang tough. If nothing else, you can at least learn to bear hurtful words from your relatives silently in the heat of the moment. Work it out for yourself later in meditation or around a good friend instead.

Advice For the Workplace

  1. Don't take “not caring” too far. Like it or not, a big part of keeping your job and making a good impression at work boils down to caring what others – particularly your bosses and your customers – think of you. Work is not the place to let your freak flag fly, in most cases.
    • Take a moderate approach. Try to balance your responsibility to the job with your individuality so that you don't have to feel as though you're being crushed under the weight of expectations.
  2. Continue to set boundaries, but do it appropriately. Caring less about what others think of you doesn't always translate to doing and saying whatever you want, especially on the job. Instead, channel the part of yourself that politely and thoughtfully has different ideas and approaches.
    • Enjoy the results. As with your peers, you will probably be pleasantly surprised by the change in treatment you will receive when you stop being a “yes-man” (or woman) and start being a constructive contributor instead.
    • Look on the sunny side. With some luck, your independent spirit might even get you noticed for a raise or a promotion.
  3. Learn the principles of customer service. These are not very difficult to understand, but internalizing them can take time. The principles are not only for strict customer service jobs; they're quite useful in any situation (such as the workplace) where it is often imprudent to speak your mind, even politely. By embodying them, you will learn to separate your emotions from the work you do, making it easier to worry less about what the people around you think of you. They are as follows:
    • Keep your personal life to yourself. Leave your private life at home, and you won't bring any insecurities or vulnerabilities with you to the workplace.
    • Don't dwell on anything the people around you say or do. Don't take anything personally or let anything fester. Don't gossip if you can possibly help it. Be a smooth piece of the workplace machine and you won't encounter any resistance.
    • Be glad to see each new face every day. Smile and say hello every time until it becomes a habit.
    • Give people the benefit of the doubt. When a customer or coworker lashes out at you, not rising to the bait will often defuse their anger before it has a chance to manifest a second time.
    • When in doubt, get a manager and let him or her handle the issue. If a manager is the issue, get that manager's manager.

Tips

  • It's okay to follow trends, and it's okay not to follow trends. Go with what makes you happiest and don't worry too much about specific things, like listening to "the right" music or wearing "the right" clothes. Your personality isn't defined by such things, only reflected by them.
  • Don't be pressured into doing something that you don't like just because it makes others happy. You won't be happy.
  • Pay attention to what you think about others. You will find that not every person you see you judge. Life is short and people are busy; most people won't even think about judging you.
  • Take care of yourself money-wise, so that others can't have a hold over you. Put some money for yourself into savings every pay, so that it all adds up. This is helpful if there is an emergency, or a trip around the world that you've been planning since you where a ninth year high school or just because. But it's also helpful in giving you the security to be able to say no to Mr. or Ms. Pressure Pot who is trying to get you to things you don't want to. You can say "I don't care" and leave.

Warnings

  • While it is important to love yourself no matter what other people say, do not ignore people when they are truly trying to help. It will only bring you down in the long run. Knowing how to accept help graciously is an important part of being a good human.

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  • Show Others You Care
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