Parent a Teen
Teenagers can be hard to look after, as they are exposed to many new things, such as drugs, violence, etc. They may also be developing ideas and opinions of their own, and their personalities may be changing. If you want to know how to handle all of this and parent a teen, then this is the article for you.
Contents
Steps
- Communicate. Many parents stop trying to keep a bond with their child after a few harsh words. The best way to keep your relationship is to continue trying to communicate with your teen. Don't give up if it doesn't usually workâonce in a while it will. Be careful not to be pushy, though.
- Always be there for them to talk to and ask advice of. If your teen feels like they can come to you and that you'll always be behind them every step of the way, they're more likely to open up to you. This may sound stupid, but it will actually help. Not only will your relationship with your teen improve, but you are more likely to be aware of what they're up to and what's going on in their heads. So make sure you're supportive of your teen, and that you always seem approachable. Don't judge them, and don't lecture them for making mistakes. Mistakes are a huge part of life. "Live and learn," is a very popular quote for a reason. Be supportive when they have made a mistake, and help them to see: the way out; the lesson in the mistake; how to avoid such mistakes in the future; the faulty thought process leading up to the poor choice; etc.
- Don't compare yourself and/or your teen in ways such as, "Why can't we be more like ____?" Teens can't be perfect right now - they have a lot more to deal with than parents think. Teen years are very stressful, as teens have to find time to finish homework (so parents don't get mad at bad grades) while balancing social life. Teens have to deal with other things, too, such as living above the influence, not going out with "bad" people, and dealing with gossip. The list goes on and on.
- Give your teen a break. Once in a while, your teen might get a little out of control, causing yelling or having an argument with you. Some times your teen doing this to protect himself. For example: if you think s/he is doing something wrong and you give a huge lecture about it, its only of the teenage nature to be defensive and non-admitting to it. No one (even parents) likes to be wrong about things. Other times s/he may be trying to talk to you. Its hard to communicate with a parent who is constantly yelling. Some times s/he may say things like, "You don't understand," because it really does feel that way. Try to find a friend or someone else your teen can talk to if that happens.
- Be clued in. If you're easy to lie to and trick, teens are going to take advantage of you. Also, if you have no idea of what's going on in your teen's life, big changes could be happening and you'll have no idea, so be clued in. Make sure you always know where your teen is, and that they are actually where they say they are. Know who they hang around with, know what sports teams and clubs they're a part of. Don't let yourself be tricked. And don't let yourself be lied to-don't accept everything that comes out of your teens' mouth. Some parents may think their teenagers would never lie to them, but you'd be surprised.
- Set down ground rules, and make sure they're obeyed. If you just start making up rules every five seconds, your teen is going to be confused and things will get out of hand. So come up with your basic rules and conditions, and clearly explain them to your teen. Make sure your teen obeys them. If they have to do their homework before going anywhere, make sure that actually happens. Don't be a softy -- be strict but fair with the rules.
- Punish bad behaviour, and make sure your punishment is effective. If you punish your teen by taking away their stereo when they have an iPod they can take everywhere with them, things aren't going to work out too well. Confiscate things that you know they only have one of. Take away privileges. Make sure you master the art of punishments-don't ground your teen for half a year for forgetting to do their chores. At the same time, don't ban TV for a week if they've vandalized someone's house. Make sure your punishments fit the "crimes".
- Reward good behaviour. If your teen improves really well on a subject, treat them. If they do something good without being asked, reward them. You don't have to go out and buy them a car for every good thing they do, obviously, but if your teen does something really good, then treat them. Let them have a party if they usually aren't allowed to-that kind of thing. If it's a smaller thing, you may not want to do anything big, but make sure you praise them. A few rewards go a long way.
- Be fair. If you're a fair parent, your teen is more likely to obey your rules. Make sure that you always make fair rules, and always take their side of the story into consideration. Don't automatically assume they've done wrong, and don't unfairly punish them. If you're fair, your teen's behaviour will probably be better. However, don't let them push you.
- Be positive. Instead of telling your teen, "You aren't doing a good enough job," or, "I expect better of you," try saying something like, "I like that you did that but ______." Telling your teen that s/he isn't good enough or things like that not only damages his/her self esteem but makes him/her even more stressed and mad. Compliments help greatly.
Tips
- Try to understand your teen. Teens can often feel misunderstood, and make rash decisions on these emotions. So try to put yourself in your teens' shoes, and let them know.
- Saying things like: "Because I said so!" and "I'm the adult, you're the child!" will only show your teen how not to be a parent. Always try to see things from their perspective and explain yourself to them even when you think you don't have to.
- Don't ever abuse a teen, verbally. or physically. They won't forget easily. It's all right to get upset, but don't punch them or call them something terrible.
- Parental hypocrisy (Do as I say, not as I do) is very frustrating and angering to teens.
- It is illogical to tell teens to move out and get a job, as it is legally impossible for them to do so.
Warnings
- Some teens will adapt around your punishments and also may manipulate you without you realising it (they probably know you better that you know them).
- Some teens learn fast, some don't. However hard, don't give up on your teen.
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