Act Like a Normal Teenager

When it comes to teenagers, the word “normal” is used to describe a range of typical behaviors that currently allows a person the freedom to be unique. The pressure to conform to what society tells you to do and who to be is intense. Identifying and exploring your interests, values, and personality traits can help you accept the person you are and continue to develop into the person you want to be.

Steps

Embracing Your Values

  1. Determine your core values. It is vital to know what is important to you, what motivates you and what makes you feel positive. During your teen years you will discover your own values, which might be different than your parents’ values. Personal values include but are not limited to: good health, ambition, cooperation, courage, humor, honesty, reliability, wealth, wisdom, strength, independence, generosity, fairness, compassion, and recognition.
    • Review a list of personal values and identify your top 10. Look up the meaning of the ones you don’t understand.
    • Determining your core values requires you to think and reflect about what is important to you.[1] For example, ask yourself what types of situations cause you to defend yourself or someone else. What causes you to celebrate? Who do you admire? What are you passionate about? Once you answer the questions, run down the list of values and pick the ones that seem to best describe your feelings associated with the situations you identified.
    • Make a list of the activities you currently participate in that are in agreement with your values. If you value health and a high level of self-care find creative ways to get the 8-9 hours of sleep most teens need.[2]
    • Make a list of new activities to participate in that would be in agreement with your values. If you value compassion, you may find caring for animals or visiting the elderly very meaningful.
    • Choosing activities that are in agreement with your values will ensure a positive experience. You will enjoy being around other teens that share your values.
  2. Ask yourself if your actions and acquaintances are influencing you in a positive way. Your family, friends and the media play roles in your development. It can be hard to find your way through tough situations without help. Your brain is growing and hasn’t reached its full potential. It is normal for teenagers to be easily influenced by others.[3]
    • Be strong, which means speak up for yourself and what you believe in. Make a promise to yourself to make decisions that benefit you rather than harm you. Let the good things in your life influence you. Anything less will bring you down.
    • It is a normal part of your development to become more interested in having your own fun rather than participating only with family. You are a teenager and you are starting to develop your own values, interests and goals to create your life. If you don’t want to go to a kid’s movie with the family say, “I’d like to stay home and work on a project, if that’s okay with you.”
    • Your parent or parents are still legally responsible for you so you must ultimately abide by their rules until you turn 18 years of age and move into your own residence free of their financial support.
    • The urge to say yes is hard to resist when a friend asks you to do something that might bring harm to you. The temporary excitement of many negative activities will cause damage to you in the long run. Be smart and think about the consequences of your behavior before you decide to participate.
    • If you feel yourself trying to live up to an unrealistic body image remember that the photos of people you see in magazines are computer-enhanced. What might be “ideal” in a magazine or on a red carpet usually isn’t even real, let alone an ideal you should strive for.
  3. Participate in activities that provide positive rewards. As a teenager, you have many choices to make during any given day. You decide what to say to your family, your friends and to your teacher or coach. You also get to choose what to do to entertain yourself and keep busy while you’re not in class or studying.
    • Whether you decide to participate in the chess club, cheerleading, sports or student government, each has the potential to create fulfillment in your life. For example, participating in a sport can foster friendship, teamwork, healthy competition, goal setting and achieving, and recognition.[4]
    • The opposite is true. If you decide to cut class, treat people with disrespect and refuse to follow the rules designed to help you, negative effects will pile up and create horrible things in your life. For example, each time you get in trouble it decreases your freedom, which can ultimately result in being sent to a correctional facility and leave you with less education and lower wages once you get a job.[5] Every decision matters.
    • Whether you realize it or not, you do have a lot of power in your life. Use it to create positive things for yourself and others. This will lead to more freedom to do the things you want to do. Taking credit for all your hard work is proof of the power you have in your life.
    • Everyone is bound to get in trouble for something they’ve done. You can usually find a way to work your way back into the good graces of the person you may have hurt. For example, if you say something in class about someone and the entire class laughs, which makes the person cry, you can apologize right on the spot or later in private and say, “I am so sorry ____. I didn’t realize the entire class was going to do that. I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings. It won’t happen again.”

Creating Your Own Sense of Normal

  1. Seek out others so you know that you are not alone. When you are young, you experience many things for the first time. Negative feelings arise when you think you are the only one that has ever experienced the thoughts and feelings you are having. Until you connect with someone else who has had the same experience, you might feel odd and lonely.[6] As you age you learn to draw upon your many experiences to solve problems.
    • Ask others for help who have experienced similar things. For example, if you are lonely and worry about making friends at school, ask a friend or family member or teacher, “What is the best way for me to make friends? Do you have any ideas?”
    • Approaching each situation with the attitude that others experience the same struggles, will help you focus on the task at hand rather than worry about being the only one struggling. You will get more accomplished.
  2. Identify your struggles and do something about them. Growing pains are common to the human experience. The teen years are wracked with physical, social and psychological changes.[7] It is part of life. Some years are tougher than others. By all accounts, the teen years are difficult in many ways. They have been studied extensively. Therefore, effective solutions are available to you if you need them.
    • For example, if you have a problem with acne, read online reviews about successful products and purchase them. You aren't stuck with it.
    • Approach your struggles as a problem to be solved, which will require you to learn and practice your problem solving skills.[8]
    • If you are attending a new school and feel like you don’t fit in, don’t wait for something to happen. Instead, join on-campus clubs. People join clubs because they share similar interests. This is a great starting point for building meaningful friendships.[9]
  3. Find ways to get involved in your personal development. You have a vested interest in making your life meaningful. The actions you take to develop your potential will result in consequences that build knowledge, feelings of self-worth and esteem. Activity creates more activity, so your full participation is required.
    • Show your bravery by seizing new opportunities as if you already knew the outcome would be awesome. For example, if someone asks you to join her to help the drama department clear out a storage area to make room for new instruments, accept the invitation and check out the new instruments. You might discover you have a gift for music.
    • If you need to keep your grades up to participate in sports or a club on campus, decline offers to participate in things that would deter you from that goal. You can say, “I’ve got some really important things to take care of, so maybe next time.”
    • Although you feel forced to do a lot of things, realize that following instructions and guidelines for success helps teenagers develop into awesome adults. It has been proven time and time again.[10] Don’t fight it.

Exploring Your Interests

  1. Discover what you like through research and experimenting with new things and situations. The world of opportunities is more open to you at this time than at any other time in history. The information super-highway is filled with potential interests that are available at your fingertips. Whether you read about it, watch a video about it, or participate in person, the opportunities to discover new interests are abundant.
    • If you don’t have access to online resources, they are available at libraries and schools.
    • If you are hesitant to try new technology, ask for help. You will conquer your fear by participating, practicing and using the skills you gain.[11]
    • Exploring your interests doesn’t have to be expensive. There are plenty of free activities available to discover what you like to do. For example, writing and many physical activities like running are some of the cheapest things you can do.
    • If you are interested in gourmet foods, movie production, or traveling abroad you can learn a lot about all of them without leaving your computer station.
    • Any venture into something new has the potential to be an interest or something you dislike. That’s part of the fun.
  2. Rule out your dislikes. While it is important to know what you like, it is equally important to know what you dislike. Sometimes you won’t even know why you dislike something. You don’t have to explain. Everyone would rather spend time doing the things they enjoy.
    • If you discover that you hate shopping, then decline offers to go shopping rather than suffer through the event. Tell your friend or family member, “I’d rather not go, but you can go. Have a great time. I’m just not into shopping.”
    • If your friends ask you to go play paint ball and you don’t like it say, “Thanks for the invite, but I’m going to pass. I just don’t like it.”
    • There are going to be things you dislike doing, but you will have to do some of them anyway. Remind yourself that there are plenty of things you enjoy doing that you can do later.
    • Physical abilities might play into your decision.[12] If you don’t have a lot of upper body strength you probably won’t like throwing the shot put. However, if you have strong legs you might like running or dancing. If you use a wheelchair, focus on your abilities rather than disabilities.
  3. Look at every new situation and change as your chance to grow. The teen years are filled with experiences and things that you might initially like, and then situations change and you don’t care for them any longer. Teens as a group tend to be inconsistent in thoughts and actions.[13] This plays a part in the process of developing your interests. You can expect your interests to change over time and throughout your life. That is what makes it exciting. You never have to stop finding new interests.
    • Be flexible, which means try your best to stay neutral about all possibilities until you have concrete reasons to rule them in or out.
    • Most people struggle with making changes in life, even when they are miserable. Rather than repeatedly complain about something you dislike, find something different to do that will stop you from complaining.
    • Change is the one thing in life that is constant.
    • If you quickly lose interest in most everything you do, you may need to talk to someone who can help you sort out your feelings. This can be a symptom of depression.

Utilizing Your Personality Traits

  1. Make a list of your personality traits.[14] You have characteristics that make you unique. Are you quiet, daring, confident, cheerful, grumpy, calm, generous, hardworking, or funny? These are just a few traits among a vast amount of personality traits that comprise a person’s character. These are the things that make you unique. It’s important to know how you view yourself, and how others view you.
    • Each person differs in the way he thinks, feels and behaves based on his personality traits. Identify places and situation where your personality fits. For example, if you are charismatic you might excel at being a class leader. If you are quiet and calm, you might be great at working on a stage crew in the drama department.
    • List the traits that you think are negative. Examine each one and see if you can flip a negative into a positive. For example, if you tend to be argumentative, which gets you in trouble in class, you might make a good attorney one day.
  2. Match your abilities with situations in which you will thrive. Being a teenager is about discovering who you are and making good choices, so it takes a bit of thinking. If you know what you are good at, you will make a positive impact. The goal is to participate in activities that are enhanced by your presence and personality.
    • If you are diplomatic, volunteer to be the captain of the debate team, soccer team, or IT club. Others will look to you for guidance, which is an important and rewarding job.
    • If you love and have a talent for organizing items, groups or events, involve yourself in event planning. Everyone appreciates a well-organized event, and you will have a great time doing it.
    • Sharing your gifts and talents with the world will help you feel connected and appreciated.
  3. Don’t judge yourself as being abnormal. Your teen years can be filled with self-judgement that ignites feelings of not fitting in.[15] The truth is you are a “normal” teen even though you feel different from others. Once you realize that you and everyone around you are in a developmental stage that is filled with changes, discoveries and struggles, the easier it will be to live your life to the fullest.
    • Embrace your differences. For example, if you are intrigued by anime and you feel a little nerdy, be proud of being a nerd. There are many others who share your interests.
    • Embrace others for their differences. If everyone was exactly like you, the world would be boring. The world if filled with people and teenagers who think, look, talk, and behave differently than you. The next time you meet someone who is different than you make an effort to find out about him. Life is richer because people have so much to offer - including you.
  4. Seek help if you are struggling. It takes bravery and courage to ask for help. If you are struggling with school life, family life or life in general, contact a trusted source to talk about getting help. There are resources available to you either at school, or from a private provider such as a counselor or doctor. Talking with someone will help you sort out your struggles and develop an effective approach to handle anything.[16]
    • Art therapy is also available and can be extremely beneficial.[17]

Tips

  • Get all your information from trusted sources rather than just your friends. Trusted sources include but are not limited to: parents, adults, coaches, teachers, doctors, online information from college publications, valid and reliable research articles, articles from reputable sources.
  • Learn about typical challenges faced by teens by accessing online information and subscribe to appropriate newsletters.
  • Maintain personal hygiene which includes taking baths and showers, wearing clean clothing, and staying healthy.
  • Don’t give into peer pressure when it comes to using drugs or alcohol. Don’t become someone you’re not.
  • Be patient with the changes you are experiencing.
  • Every adult was a teen earlier in life and remembers the struggles. Ask adults for guidance when you have questions or concerns.
  • What you might view as a weakness can be a strength given the right circumstance.
  • You will look back on your teen years as a time of great change and development and feel a sense of accomplishment for making it through the journey.
  • Although you might feel and think that you know everything there is to know, it isn’t possible. There are a lot of exciting things you will learn during your lifetime.
  • If you are feeling insecure, it is likely that everyone else is too.

Warnings

  • If you or someone you know is communicating with someone online and he wants to meet, refuse to do so unless a parent or a trusted adult knows what is going on.
  • Be responsible by making good choices that do not lead to harming yourself or others.
  • If you or someone you know is being bullied, contact a teacher, student leader, or parent to report the incident.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.wire.wisc.edu/yourself/selfreflectknowyourself/Yourpersonalvalues.aspx
  2. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/tween-and-teen-health/in-depth/teens-health/art-20046157?pg=2
  3. ↑ http://harvardmagazine.com/2008/09/the-teen-brain.html
  4. ↑ http://www.ijbnpa.org/content/10/1/98
  5. ↑ http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/10509674.2015.1043480#.Vd4bR_lVhBc
  6. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2792572/
  7. ↑ https://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/teendevelopment.html
  8. ↑ http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007%2Fs10763-014-9567-4
  9. ↑ http://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ978189
  10. ↑ http://college.cengage.com/masterstudent/shared/content/articles/following_instructions.html
  11. ↑ http://www.researchgate.net/publication/227732339_Adult_and_Teenage_Use_of_Consumer_Business_and_Entertainment_Technology_Potholes_on_the_Information_Superhighway
  12. ↑ http://www.hindawi.com/journals/bmri/2013/738705/
  13. ↑ http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/print/2011/10/teenage-brains/dobbs-text
  14. ↑ http://ideonomy.mit.edu/essays/traits.html
  15. ↑ http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr07/teenage.aspx
  16. ↑ http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887323475304578503584007049700
  17. ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1071468/

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