Prevent a Potential Rape

 Rapists are predators. Period. By following these steps, you can try to make your world a little safer from those predators. You will get information and skills you need to protect yourself psychologically and physically. Remember, although being aware of your surroundings and knowing how to defend yourself is important, rape is ultimately the rapist's fault, not the victim's. This article is not meant to justify a rapist's actions in any way—it simply provides tips that can help you feel safer. In an ideal world, the best way to prevent a potential rape is to educate all members of both sexes to respect and help each other. However, being informed can also go a long way in helping you avoid dangerous situations.

Steps

Setting the Record Straight

  1. Know that nothing you do will ever make rape your fault. Before you even start thinking about preventing a potential rape, you have to understand that if you are raped, it is 100% the rapist's fault, and that nothing you did, wore, or said could have caused you to be raped. There is no such thing as "asking for it," and anyone who leads you to believe otherwise is deeply misguided. Though you can certainly take measures to improve your chances of avoiding danger and staying safe, in the end, nothing you can do can "cause" you to be raped.
  2. Understand that the best thing that can be done to prevent rape is to prevent people from raping. In today's culture, there are many things that can be done to prevent rape, and it starts with the way women are perceived. If we work, as a society, to raise men who are respectful of women and stop contributing to a culture that objectifies and belittles women constantly, then we can slowly start to turn things around. Sometimes, adolescent boys think "rape jokes" are funny and that it's okay to joke around about sexual assault, and it's important to let them know that this is not the case. Men can also be raped, but society has taken into itself that men "can't possibly be raped", and so most men are ashamed and afraid if they speak out.
    • Many people feel that giving women guidelines about things that can be done to stay safe actually shames them and makes them feel like avoiding rape is all about having women act "the right way," and that if they make a misstep, it is basically their fault that they got raped. This is the intention of this article. This article intends to empower women by giving them some sensible advice on how to avoid danger. However, women are not the only sex to be raped. Men can be raped, but it just isn't as prevalent. Society doesn't believe "petite little women" can rape "big strong men", and yet it still happens.
  3. Don't ever stop living your life. It can be overwhelming to read the advice about preventing rape. You'll start to feel like there's no place you're safe -- not your grocery store parking lot, not a restroom at a bar, not your car, and not even your own home. You might start to wonder where one can go to be completely safe from rapists. But you can't think like this. Though you should take some precautions, you can't be afraid to leave home by yourself, to be outside late at night, or to go to some of your favorite places. You can still enjoy your life and feel secure without the constant paranoia that you may feel after reading about how to prevent rape.[1]
  4. Know that the majority of rapes are committed by a person the victim knows. The statistics vary, but it is said that only 9%-33% of rapists were complete strangers to the victim.[2] This means that the vast majority of women are raped by men that they know, whether they are friends, people they are dating, co-workers, acquaintances, or even family members. This means that it's far more likely for a person to get raped by someone he/she knows instead of a stranger in a dark alley. Therefore, while it's important to take precautions when you're alone, you shouldn't completely let your guard down when you're with people you know.
    • When you're in a social situation with someone you know, be extra careful and don't fully let your guard down unless you feel truly safe with the person. Even then, rape can occur. Know that if your gut tells you the situation is not okay, you should leave as soon and as safely as you can.
    • Date rape is also extremely common -- according to one study, nearly 1/3 of rapes are committed by a date.[2] When you're dating someone new, understand that no absolutely means no, and don't ever let anyone make you feel guilty about knowing what you do and don't want. Don't be afraid to communicate your needs clearly and loudly, if necessary.

Staying Safe in Social Situations

  1. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Parking lots and parking garages are two of the sites that are most often targeted by attempted rapists. These people are predators, so view your surroundings carefully. If you are in a parking lot and feel someone is following you, start making noise -- talk to yourself loudly, talk to an imaginary person, or pretend to talk on your cell phone. The louder the potential victim, the more the predator is apt to freeze.[3]
    • Scope out your surroundings during the day. Whether you're working in a new place or new to campus, make sure you learn the safest way to walk from place to place. This means staying under well-lit lights, walking in places where people tend to be around, and even being near blue light emergency call boxes, if your campus has them.
  2. If you're in college, know that the majority of rapes happen during the first few weeks of the year. According to the Department of Justice, the majority of rapes in college occur during the first few weeks of your freshman and sophomore years. These are the riskiest days because people are just getting to know each other, there are a lot of new people around, along with an abundance of alcohol. Though this shouldn't keep you from having fun or leaving your dorm room, you should be extra cautious about meeting new people, and make sure that you stick with your friends and your sound judgment.[4][5]
  3. Don't leave your drink unattended. Treat your drink like a $100.00 bill. Don't let anyone hold your drink. Avoid anything that somebody gives you. It could be "counterfeited." Always hold, keep and get your own drinks. Keep your hand over the top of your drink because it's easy to drop something into it. Do not accept a drink from a date unless the bartender or waitstaff delivers it straight to you. Even if you're pretty sure the drink you left on the other side of the room was your drink, it's a much safer bet to buy or get another one.
  4. Drink responsibly. Again, this does not mean that drinking irresponsibly makes it your fault if a rapist approaches you; it does, however, make you more vulnerable and susceptible to unwelcome attacks. Make sure not to drink more than 1 drink per hour (which means a glass of wine, a beer, or one shot of alcohol) and to stay in control of your mind and body as much as you can. Do not opt for the sketchy punch or jungle juice in a frat house; do not let anyone who is not a bartender make you a mixed drink because it is likely to be very, very strong.
  5. Stick with your friends. Wherever you go, show up with a group of friends and leave with that group of friends. Even if you and your friends have ended up at different parts of the party, always know where your friends are and make sure that they see where you are, too. Keep in touch with your friends, make eye contact, and make sure you're on the same page. Your friends should have your back if they see you with a person whose company you don't want, and you should do the same. Don't leave your friend out with a person he/she's met for the first time, either, especially if there has been alcohol involved.
  6. Stay safe at clubs. Clubs may be so loud that people may not hear you cry for help. If you're out at a club, make sure you stick with your friends, go to the bathroom in packs, and that your friends know where you are at all times.
  7. Be assertive. If somebody is giving you unwanted attention, tell them to back off. There is no need to be polite when somebody is making unwanted sexual advances. Firmly tell the person thanks, but no thanks, you're not interested. This may be more difficult if it's someone you actually know and care about, but it will still be possible. Once you get the message across, the person will be much more likely to move on.
  8. Keep personal information private. Don't advertise your info verbally or on the Internet. Also, be very wary of meeting up with anyone whom you meet on the Internet. There is very rarely a good reason to meet up with a person whom you have never met in person, or who talks you into meeting-up when you are hesitant. If you think you must do so, bring someone else, preferably a friend who is older and meet the person in a public place.
  9. Always keep your phone charged. Don't step out with an almost-dead phone. It can be your saving grace, whether you need to call the cops or call your friends and ask them for help. Make sure you do this before you step out for the night, whether you're alone or with friends. You can even make a habit of bringing a charger out with you if you tend to forget it.

Staying Safe When You're Alone

  1. Be careful about using technology when you're out alone. Let's get this straight: you should not stop enjoying your life or doing the things you love to do because of fear that you're going to be raped and assaulted. If you love running with your iPod in, then fine, but be extra careful and look around your surroundings at all times, trying to run near where the people are. If you're walking in a dark parking garage or parking lot, then stay focused on where you need to go instead of playing around with your iPod or your iPhone.[3]
    • Attackers look for the weakest victims. If they see that you are highly vigilant and walking with purpose, they will be less likely to attack you than if you're texting and not looking where you're going, or rocking out to your new favorite song on your iPod.
  2. Learn to trust your gut instincts. If you feel uneasy or unsure in any way, it is in your best interest to get away and get help. Use your instincts and be aware of your freeze instinct. If you're in a situation where you're alone and suddenly run into or see someone else who just makes you feel unsafe, then change action as quickly as possible. If you're really getting the sense that you're unsafe, then it's important to stay calm, move quickly, and to go to the place where you're the most likely to find other people.[3]
    • If you're walking down a dark street and have the feeling that the person behind you is following you, cross the street in a diagonal and see if he/she does the same. If so, then walk towards the middle of the street (but not so much that you can get hit by a car) so that you're more likely to be seen by an oncoming car that could help you and scare away the potential attacker.
  3. Don't cut your hair just to deter a rapist. Sure, a lot of people will tell you that rapists go for people with long hair or ponytails because they are easier to grab onto. Does this mean you should rock the short-haired bob so people are less likely rape you? Of course not. (Unless you want short hair, of course.) Don't let a potential rapist deter you from looking how you want to look, and don't ever blame yourself for attracting the wrong kind of person.[1]
  4. Don't change your dressing style to deter rapists. Okay, so many people will tell you that you're more likely to get raped if you wear clothes that will be easier to remove, or to "cut away" with a pair of scissors. This includes thin skirts, thin cotton dresses, and other light and short clothing. They'll say that wearing overalls, jumpsuits, and rompers are the best, and so are pants that have zippers instead of elastic waists. They'll also say that belts keep your clothes in place, that layers help deter rapists, and so on. While this may not be exactly false, you shouldn't have to feel like you need to wear bulky overalls, combat boots, or scuba gear to avoid getting raped. In the end, it's up to you to decide what you want to wear, and you shouldn't feel like the light clothes you're wearing are making you more "prone" to rape.[1]
    • Some people will also say that dressing provocatively invites rapists. Avoid this kind of anti-humanist thinking as much as you can.
  5. Carry defensive items only if you know how to use them. Remember, any "weapon" that could hurt a potential attacker can be used against you if you are not well trained and comfortable with it. If you are going to carry a handgun, make sure to take classes in its use, practice often at a firing range, and apply for a concealed weapons permit; if you carry a knife, take a course in the most effective way to use it. Remember that even an umbrella or purse can be used as a weapon against an attacker, and has less chance of being turned against you.
  6. Yell, shout, and draw attention to yourself. Attackers usually have an idea of how the attack will happen. Disrupt that idea. Fight like a furious cat, and yell loudly and strongly.
  7. Yell "CALL 911 NOW" (or whatever your local emergency number is). Yelling this can have the double effect of scaring away the attacker and getting over people involved. If you yell these words, people around you or nearby are likely to come running to your aid. Studies have also suggested this effective strategy: pointing at an individual bystander and saying "you sir, in the white shirt, I need your help now! This man is attacking me..." Tell it like it is, and point to an individual.
    • Some studies show that yelling "Fire!" instead of "Help!" or "Call 911!" can actually be more effective in getting the attention of bystanders. You can try this tactic as well, but others feel that it may be difficult to remember to yell fire instead of to call for help in the moment.[6]
  8. Take a basic self defense course. One course you can take is called Rape Aggression Defense (RAD). Contact your local police office for programs such as RAD. These programs can teach you many effective methods of attack, from hitting to eye gouging. Having these skills under your belt will make you feel more safe when you're walking alone at night.[7]
  9. Learn "SING". This stands for Solar Plexus-Instep-Nose-Groin, the four attack points you should focus on if grabbed from behind. Elbow them in the solar plexus, stomp on the foot as hard as you can, and when they let go, turn around and jam the palm of your hand into their nose in an upward motion, then finish with a knee to the groin. This may disable your assailant long enough for you to get away.
  10. Walk into your house with confidence. Don't dilly dally in your car or stand on the street rifling through your purse. Leave your car with everything you need. Practice being careful when going into your house or car because someone could easily push you in and lock the door behind you. Be aware of your surroundings; carry your keys ready in your hand and look around you before opening the door.
  11. Walk like you know where you're going. Look up as you walk and stand up straight; pretending as though you have two big panthers on either side of you as you walk may sound silly, but it can help boost confidence. Attackers are more likely to go for those who they think cannot defend themselves. If you look weak or like you're not sure where you're going, you're much more likely to catch an attacker's attention. Even if you really are lost, don't walk as if you are.
  12. Notice and leave identifying marks. A large bite mark on their face, punctured eyeball, deeply scratched leg, ripped out piercing etc. is easily identifiable, as are memorable tattoos, etc. Think kill. Go for weak spots like eyes (poke hard), nose (hard upward motion with the lower part of your open hand) genitals (grab really tightly and squeeze or punch hard) etc. to make sure the person's hands aren't free to punch or hold on to you and you can run for it.
    • If you are in a place where you can't run, notice your surroundings and leave a mark on them if you can. Rapists have been caught because their victims left identifiable teeth marks, nail marks, or DNA in the cars or rooms where they were assaulted.
  13. Make eye contact if you are being followed by someone who may be a potential threat. An attacker may be less likely to strike if they think you will be able to clearly identify them. Though you may be scared and this may feel like the last thing you want to do, it could ensure your safety.

Keeping Other People Safe

  1. Don't be afraid to intervene. Sticking up for other people can go a long way toward preventing potential rape. It's not always easy to intervene in uncomfortable situations, but it's worth the awkwardness when you stand the chance to prevent rape from occurring.
  2. Watch the potential victim. For example, if you're at a party and you see a person trying to make a move on your friend who's intoxicated, walk over and make it clear you're keeping an eye on him/her. Find an excuse to insert yourself into the situation.[8]
    • "I brought you some water."
    • "Do you want to get some air?"
    • "Are you doing okay? Would you like me to stay with you?"
    • "I love this song! Let's go dance."
    • "My car is out back. Would you like a ride home?"
    • "JESSI! Oh my gosh, it's been so long! How have you been?" (This works even on strangers. Unless they're too drunk to understand, they'll happily play along in order to get rid of the predator.)
  3. Address the potential rapist. You may wish to confront them, or simply distract them.
    • "Leave her alone. She can hardly stand on her own. My friends and I will walk her home."
    • "Hey, he said no. He's clearly not into it."
    • "Excuse me, sir? Your car is being towed."
  4. Get backup if you need help dealing with the situation. Just having a few people present could be enough to deter someone from attempting rape.[9]
    • Tell the host or bartender what is going on.
    • Enlist friends (your own, or friends of one of the parties).
    • Call campus safety, tell a security guard, or call the police.
  5. Create a disturbance. If you don't know what else to do, bring a social gathering to a halt. Turn off the lights, or turn off the music. This can distract or embarrass the would-be rapist, and call attention to the fact that something is wrong.[10]
  6. Don't leave your friends behind at parties. If you go to a party with a friend, don't leave the person behind when you're ready to go. Leaving someone behind, especially with a group of people who are just acquaintances or strangers, puts that person in a vulnerable position. This is especially true when there are alcohol or drugs involved at the party.
    • Before you leave, locate your friend and see how she's doing. Don't leave unless you're confident the situation is safe and she'll be able to get home without a problem.
    • If your friend seems drunk or on her way to getting there, see if you can convince her to come home. If she refuses, stay at the party until she's ready to go.
  7. Use a buddy system to make sure everyone gets home safely. Taking a simple precaution like having everyone text each other when they're back home is a good way for friends to protect one other. For example, if you meet up late at a coffee shop and your friend bikes home in the dark, exchange texts or call each other when you're home. If you don't hear from your friend, find out what's going on.
  8. Speak up if you know someone to be a rapist. If your friend is about to go on a date with someone you know to be a rapist, saying something about it is the right thing to do. Whether there are rumors going around that the person raped someone, or you have firsthand knowledge on the matter, you don't want the person to be able to hurt someone else.
    • If you were personally attacked by the person in question, it's up to you to decide whether you want to publicly "out" the rapist. It's undoubtedly a very brave act, but your life will be deeply affected by your decision, so it's not a choice most people make lightly.[11]
    • However, even if you don't want to make things public, warning people you know against spending time alone with the person will help prevent potential rape.
  9. Do your part to get rid of rape culture. This is important for women, but it may be even more important for men. Preventing potential rapes ultimately depends on educating people on rape and taking a stand against it. Even when it's just you and the guys, don't say degrading things about women or Stop Someone from Using Rape Jokes. When men see other men empathizing with women, they may be more likely to do the same themselves.[12]

Tips

  • Remember to improvise. Whatever you have on you can be used as a weapon in some way or form. For example, if you have a pair of high heels on, get those shoes off and stab them in the eye or something with the heel. Even your keys can be used as a weapon, if they're spiky enough. Slit their wrist or throat or poke their eye out. Once they're down, run away immediately and dial for help and run into the nearest crowded place and tell as many people as you can what happened to you. Do not wait for them to get back up. If they can, this will only make them even angrier and do worse things.
  • Don't underestimate your abilities. The human body has amazing strength and wit in situations like this. Once the adrenaline gets going, as long as you are not too paralyzed by fear, you'd be surprised what you can do.
  • Rape can and does strike anyone at anytime. Age, social class, ethnic group and has no bearing on the person a rapist chooses to attack. Research data clearly proves that a way a person dresses and/or acts does not influence the rapist's choice of victims. His/her decision to rape is based on how easily he/she perceives his/her target can be intimidated. Rapists are looking for available and vulnerable targets. Statistics were obtained from various sources including the study Rape in America, 1992, National Victim Center, The Federal Bureau of Investigations and the National Crime Survey.
  • Your natural instinct can save your life. Pay attention to it. It is like radar and can prevent serious problems. A common reporting of women that are about to see their rapist is a quiet voice inside telling them something is very wrong. Listen and respect that voice. If there is a hint of danger about the person or surroundings, do not ignore it.
  • DO NOT think you need to be nice. Be rude and hateful, because these predators will try everything possible to evoke a sympathetic response from you.
  • Remember, you have the right to mutilate your attacker. They had even worse intentions and you have full right to defend yourself. Don't be afraid or nervous to do anything to them; they deserve it. Be as aggressive as possible.
  • Rapists do not necessarily look like criminals. The person could look very normal, well groomed, athletic pleasant, young, etc. They might not look evil or like a bad guy. They could be your boss, a teacher, a neighbor, boyfriend or girlfriend, or relative.
  • Remember that attackers usually want easy prey, so don't cooperate! If you are sexually assaulted, yell things which make it clear everyone that the attacker's actions are unwelcome.
  • If you notice, the easy targets are a straight line. Eyes, nose, mouth, throat, solar plexus, breasts (if a woman), stomach, groin, knees, and instep.
  • If the attacker is male, you can use the tip of your toe and jam it in an upwards motion on his groin.
  • Raise your personal boundaries. Keep your inner-self protected psychologically and physically. Realize predators can spot easy targets through a quick psychological or visual glance.
  • Whenever possible, use your knee to deliver a sharp upwards blow, as hard as you can, to a male attacker's crotch/groin area to temporarily disable him, allowing you some valuable time to make a quick escape.
  • If you see one, try to get on a bus. Even if you have no money there is a law (at least in the uk) that if you are in trouble or an uncomfortable situation the driver is obliged to let you on immediately.
  • If you are in a moving vehicle, do not be afraid to jump out. A broken arm is better than your life. In the event that you are in the back of a van or trunk, look around. By law, all cars must have trunks that open from the inside, so if it is a newer car, you're in luck. If it is a van with no doors, or they cannot be opened, punch through a window with a nearby object or even your fist, if you think you can. Like I said, you're going to bleed and be injured, but wouldn't you rather that than be raped and possibly killed?
  • Being the victim of child sexual abuse actually doubles the likelihood of adult sexual victimization because of increased levels of PTSD and traumatized psychological boundaries (Parillo et. al., 2003), (Sarkar, N.; Sarkar, R., 2005).

Ways to seek help to avoid this are listed below.

  • It is also helpful to, if they are down for good, to leave a little note such as a piece of jewelry or a bandana or anything that is yours with them so they can be identified later on. Better yet, leave as many scratch marks, bites, bruises, or (as gross as it is) spit.
  • Intervention such as counseling for mental health issues (like PTSD) and for possible addictions related to the abuse can help people with child sexual abuse histories overcome some of the abuse-related sequel that make them vulnerable to adult re-victimization (Parillo et. al., 2003).
  • Keep legal and advised types of sprays, pepper and chili powder in your bag.
  • Studies find that victims of multiple assaults have higher levels of PTSD than victims of only one assault. So if someone was assaulted twice in childhood and adolescence they would be at an increased risk of adult assault.
  • Other factors influencing recovery are emotional support from friends, relations, social and community supports, and God, or Holy Bible verses (Sarkar, N.; Sarkar, R., 2005).
  • Don't panic!!!
  • Scream. Scream your lungs out like there's no tomorrow. Scream in their ear if possible, this will deafen them momentarily. Unless they have a weapon to you, ignore them if they say not to scream. Shout "Rape!" or something to that effect, "Call the police, I am being raped!"
  • When at home, play it safe by never letting people into your home that you do not know. If it is a handyman, cable repair, etc, tell them you need to see a PHOTO ID and their truck. If you don't trust them instantly, then do not let them in. If they do not look you in the eyes, have a PHOTO ID, drive a truck with the company name on it, or wear a uniform, that is suspicious behavior. Do not let them into your home! Ask them to call the company while they wait outside then have the company call you or call the company yourself.
  • Anti-sexual violence education is the key to prevention. Some educational programs for preventing sexual assault by educating youth to not offend are listed here. The program coaching boys into men is a good example. Self-Defense skills are also listed here.
  • If you feel unsafe and want to get away, stay as alert as possible. In order to frighten off a potential attacker, quickly dial a friend. If they answer, tell them quietly what is happening, then initiate loud conversation over speaker phone. This could scare your rapist if they hear you in an active conversation with someone. Even if the person you called did not answer, pretend they did and talk loudly. This may discourage your rapist and they will leave you alone.
  • As clichéd as it is, avoid going out at night. If you happen to be out at night, make sure it is a well-lit, crowded, main street and you are with at least one other person. Carry your cell phone in your hand ready to make a call, and, if you have one, a key in the other one to be used as a weapon.
  • One study found that of the 433 sexually assaulted respondents, two-thirds reported more than one incident (Sorensen et. al., 1991)
  • If you're in a place where you have friends doing stuff with you, tell them if you think you're getting weird looks. E.g. If you're sitting on your friends lawn and the next door neighbor is peering at you through the curtain, tell your friend, "Hey, that guy over there is staring at me, can we go inside?" Or something like that. Chances are you can find out about that particular person and avoid them.
  • Especially for women, don't let yourself (or you and your friends) be the last to leave a party, concert, etc. Predators usually wait around when an event is over. It's late at night and victims may be drunk or sleepy; not alert for predators around them.
  • If you're out, try to walk near shops with big windows at the front, not only are there more likely to be security cameras, but you can use the windows to see if anyone is behind you. It normally helps if they are in close range. If they are, try to see any key features (How tall they are, their hair length, the clothing they are wearing, and if they seem disabled or hurt in any way).
  • Remember that you are not obliged to be nice to strangers. They could be potential assailants. Do not think that you are being ride if you do not help them out.
  • Keep your head held high. People who want to take advantage of you are looking for vulnerability.
  • Find a Moxie Gear Consultant to help you understand the less than lethal self defense tools that may be available to you.
  • Before you leave for anything, if you are going alone tell someone what you're doing, where you'll be, and when you should be back. It might also help to tell them what you are wearing, and what type of transportation you will be using. This will help authorities to find you if something goes wrong.
  • If you feel that someone is following you, then tell a trusted adult, such as a parent, teacher, etc. They can help.
  • When out in public. keep your head up and look around. Try not to have headphones on or be too distracted, as rapists may be more likely to attack if they believe they can catch you unaware.
  • Scream, kick, and punch. Make sure you get noticed if you get attacked in a busy atmosphere.
  • Your fancy high heel shoes can be used to poke a rapists eye out, or even stab him. Remember, anything can be a weapon if used properly.
  • Improvise. If you have anything that could be used to hurt your attacker, use it. If you have spare change, you can use it to damage the rapist's eyesight and such. If you are being assaulted, know no boundaries.
  • Do not be polite. Attack them. They deserve it. Go for the eyes, stomach, throat and groin. Make loud noise and member. Don't be scared to hurt him/her.
  • Don't let your guard down when you get into your car with the door(s) unlocked. An attacker can sneak up on you and open the door and either get in or drag you out. If a van or SUV is parked next to the driver's side door, you can get in from the passenger side so you don't have your back to it.

Warnings

  • Keep gas in your car. Be practical and do not take any chances. If you know you are going for a long trip, keep track of your gas and make many stops to fill up.
  • If you should choose to own and use a firearm, understand that they are extremely dangerous, especially if not used and stored properly. Use a trigger lock mechanism to ensure that your weapon will not be used against you, even if by accident (this is especially important if you might ever have children in your home). Educate yourself about the proper cleaning and maintenance of your firearm to ensure that it will always be in working condition if you should need it.
  • Beware of victim blame and rape myths. The only person responsible for an assault is the perpetrator. If you have been assaulted, no matter what you do, or do not do, in any case, it is not your fault.
  • Follow the firearms laws of your area.

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Sources and Citations

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