Reconcile Your Christian Faith with Your Gay Life

Realizing that you're gay is sometimes difficult. Maintaining your faith while living authentically as an LGBT person is even more difficult - sometimes you feel ostracized or isolated from both groups. But you can find a balance, and continue to be a person of deep faith even as you live as an out gay or lesbian. Christianity is a relationship, not a religion, and it is open to all who believe - gays included.

Steps

  1. Rest in the Lord. Relax and have faith that Jesus loves you. Right where you are. "Just As I Am" is a hymn that captures this thought perfectly. You don't need to do a thing to earn His love, and none of us can ever deserve His love. Remember the Roman centurion who asked Jesus to heal his servant; Jesus didn't ask him to repent as a condition of answering the centurion's request. What impressed Jesus was the man's faith. Despite being wholly undeserving, incredibly, amazingly, we still have His love - never forget that, and He will always bring you Home to Himself.
  2. Never accept that you can lose your salvation. Once you are born again, you cannot be "unborn." Jesus will never let you go once you have given yourself to Him. Anyone who tells you that being gay will cause you to lose your salvation is wrong. Remember the Prodigal Son. He rejected his father, asked for his inheritance before his father was even dead, took the inheritance - and left. Can you turn your back on someone any more than that? Did his father stop loving him? No. Does God ever stop loving you? NO. You may even fall away from your faith. When you come back, God will be there, still accepting you, still loving you.
  3. Don't buy into conditional salvation. Are we supposed to repent and turn away from our sins? Absolutely. But must we? No. In fact we cannot be freed from all sin while we are alive. If it were really true that we had to leave all sin behind when we accept Jesus, and never sin again as a condition of salvation, then God's mercy would not need to be infinite. He knew that sin would be a fact of everyone's life, all of our lives. Jesus says that we should not only forgive the first time someone sins against us, but "seventy times seven." That's in Matthew, by the way. How many people would you forgive after they did the same thing to you, not once, not twice, but 490 times? And yet, that's what Jesus commanded. How many of the church people you know could say they would be willing to do that? Not many, if they were honest. Probably not even one could. Yet God will, and does. Even if you accept the idea that being gay is a sin (which most, if not all churches do), remember that it is just a sin - it is the same to God as any other sin (any sin is enough to keep you out of Heaven, if not for Jesus' vicarious atonement). You can take great comfort in knowing that Jesus' sacrifice is sufficient for you - there is nothing you have done, or ever will do that's big enough to keep you away from Him.
  4. Stand on the simplicity of Jesus Christ's completed work. As Jesus was dying on the cross, He said, "It is finished." But the Hebrew translation says, "It is completed." Either way you want to say it, it means the same thing - when Jesus gave His life on the cross, He paid the price for everyone's sin, once and for all. No one can add anything or take anything away from this work - it was completed by Jesus alone. No matter what else others may say is necessary for you to achieve salvation, remember that Jesus has already completed this work. Obey the 10 Commandments because it's smart, and because you want to follow the rules God set out for us. But doing that will not get you to Heaven - not without Jesus.
  5. Believe. Don't let those who would hang you up on loopholes or technicalities convince you that you aren't really saved. The Bible is very clear (they will tell you this, too, but they will mean something altogether different - don't let them scare you). It doesn't say, "Do good works to your neighbor to be saved." It doesn't say, "First, get right with God." No, it doesn't - read it yourself. Don't listen to others telling you what it says, not even this article. But we can quote a little here: "Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that BELIEVETH on me hath everlasting life." (Note that He says "verily" twice - that means it was important enough to repeat it. "Verily" means "I'm telling the truth here.") That's from John 6:43-47. It also says, "…and all our righteousness are as filthy rags." —Isaiah 64:6. This means that you can do all the good things you want, but without Jesus, they don't mean anything to your salvation. Very simply put, you can do nothing to get into Heaven or to save yourself - except to Believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. When it comes right down to it, those people are really saying that what Jesus did was good enough to save them, but not to save you. Let them know that you don't plan to be the one to say that to Jesus Christ and see how they react.
  6. Realize that your faith is your faith - nobody has the right to tell you that it isn't real, or that it isn't good enough. Christian faith is a deeply personal and intimate relationship between you and Jesus Christ. Sometimes, church-going people forget this, and instead become fixated on the dogma, or the rules, of their particular church denomination. Don't fall prey to giving too much weight to the opinions of other humans. Instead, rely on God, and remember that only God can put on your heart what He wants from you. As you grow in your relationship with Him, you will know what things He wants you to change or to work on. Again, listen to Him.
  7. Accept that you may need to find a new church home. Many Christian religious bodies, unfortunately, seem to feel that excommunication is necessary. First, they may pressure you to renounce your homosexuality. When you are unable to comply, they may inform you that you are no longer welcome to their fellowship. Never mind that Jesus would never do this - He insisted upon spending time and cultivating relationships with people the church despised. You're in good company. Find a new church where you can be welcomed and accepted for who you are.
  8. Listen critically and apply logic. Most people are simply resistant to ideas they themselves are not familiar with. Be logical and remain calm - above all, don't buy into any hysterical exchanges about sinfulness, etc.
  9. Be the gay person in their lives. Most of these people do know a gay person, but don't realize it. You have an opportunity to show them that gay people aren't contagious or perverted. If you can find it within yourself to help them see you as an individual of faith and value, you may be able to help others like yourself. Even if you are uncomfortable with their bigoted or ignorant questions and assumptions, you may be able to educate them.
  10. Remember that this is your Christian Walk. No one can walk your Walk for you. Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't really saved, that your faith isn't good enough, or that "even the devil believes in Jesus." The devil may indeed believe in Jesus, but you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior - the devil has not. This is your Walk. Walk it your way, with a humble heart and your head held high, remembering that it is you who will stand before Jesus one day and answer Him as to whether you owned Him as your Lord and Savior - those people will not be able to answer for you. Have faith that He knows your heart and will know that your answer is true.
  11. Maintain your sense of humor and humility. People who don't have a gay person in their lives (or at least, don't realize that they do) may surprise you with their reactions. Try to maintain a sense of humor if they make clueless or homophobic remarks, and remember that you are as clueless about other things as they are about you - try to keep a compassionate perspective.
  12. Remain a person of dignity, integrity and faith. Even if your present church refuses to accept you as you are, there will be others who will welcome you. Rather than crying forever over the things you have lost, try instead to focus on the blessings you do have in your life.

Tips

  • Read "The Gay Faith: Christ, Scripture, and Sexuality" by Sphero, which explains in great detail how the Bible is actually very pro-gay and supportive of the homosexual believer...despite how it is misrepresented in modern times. You may read samples online for free and find it on Amazon, Kindle, and most other high-profile sites and bookstores.
  • Try pointing out that many Christians have differing opinions on issues such as capital punishment, abortion, etc., yet these all sit side by side in church and worship together. These are all opinions - Stand firm in yours.
  • Give your church family time to come to grips with your revelation to them - you may find you have advocates or defenders that you didn't realize you had.
  • Never give up!
  • Attend several different churches, and come right out when you're greeted there. See how you are accepted, if you are accepted. If you are not accepted there, go to a different church. Take your time in finding a church home.

Warnings

  • This entire problem stems from the fact that human beings filter things as human beings, not as God. In God's realm, any sin, even committed only one time, is enough to keep a person out of Heaven. This includes Original Sin, whether or not a person ever committed another, and the bottom line is, any sin can only be eradicated by Jesus. Thus, even if we are dead wrong and homosexuality actually is a sin, it is the same to God as stealing a pack of gum in terms of the ultimate effect - either one is enough to cause a person to be separated from God. Thankfully, all of our sins are covered by the sacrifice and blood of Jesus Christ. However, you may find that people are not willing to give up on their "hierarchy of sin" - they consider one sin worse than another, and for many, homosexuality is still near the top of the list. If you are unable to convince your present church body that you are the same person as you have always been and that you are not a pedophile, murderer or whatever they seem to fear, you will need to accept their feelings and move on.
  • Change of attitude takes time - don't expect miracles, even in the church. Be practical and know when it's time to say goodbye if you are not able to find refuge, comfort, and food for your spiritual journey in the same church you have gone to in the past.

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