Start a Bromance

A bromance is a close, platonic friendship of love, support and deep affection between two males. Sometimes awkward, yet always steadfast, a genuine bromance is today’s way for two dudes to say, “I love you, man!” But if you're a guy who's never had a male best friend, finding your bro/mate can be challenging. Whether you're interested in finding the Robin to your Batman or you've recently met a potential best friend, knowing exactly how to initiate a bromance will get your relationship off to a good start.

Steps

Meeting Friends

  1. Spend more time with guys. Bonding with other men can lead directly to a bromance. Whatever you’re into, try to meet the same people over and over so you can get closer to them over time.[1] Connect with your guy friends through the things you both like to do for work and play, and connect with their friends too. Instead of just having a few beers, watching the game and then calling it a night, consider asking your bro to check out a new band or play Frisbee golf at the park with other friends.
    • Even if you don't have guy friends already, some men make new friends through their girlfriends or wives. If you are not involved with anyone, then you might consider starting a “guys only” meetup on Meetup.com.
  2. Hold similar beliefs as the dude you want to bond with. If you share ideas with someone, it is easier to create a bromance with them.[2] Similar political or religious ideas could be the foundation of a solid bromance. For instance, if you’re a young conservative, you’ll have more luck striking up a bromance at the Young Men’s Republican Club than you would at a progressive politics forum.
    • If you are religious, try to start a bromance with a fellow believer at your religious institution -- church, mosque, or synagogue -- of choice.
  3. Meet guys engaged in similar work.[3] You might find a best bro in your line of work. People who have similar jobs will be able to admire each other, respect what the other does, and bond with one another over work achievements and struggles. For example, if you and another guy are both professors in the same university’s earth science department, and you both study similar scientific problems, you might spend a lot of time talking about your research, bouncing ideas off one another, and nerding out about the nuances of your work.
    • If you both share a mutual interest that could transform into a business idea, pursue your dreams––you could end up finding both friendship and financial success. However, bad business decisions can rip apart good friends, so tread carefully before subjecting your bromance to the world of business.
    • Intense male friendships have been lauded throughout history, and today many bromance pairs can be found in fields such as politics, comedy and acting.
  4. Search for others who share your hobbies.[1] Starting a bromance with someone who understands and can share your hobbies will make the process easier. For instance, if you love rock ‘n’ roll, you’ll improve your odds of finding someone you can have a bromance with if you look for people to start a band with. If you love reading, check your library for book clubs where you could meet like-minded men.
    • Check meetup.com for groups near you that cater to a multitude of unique interests, including film, astronomy, and reading.
    • A lot of bromances develop from guys doing things together that their girlfriends/wives aren't interested in: lifting weights at the gym, going to heavy metal shows, playing video games, etc.
  5. Be open to new experiences.[4] Part of the fun of making a new friend is that you get to learn new things through that person. Don’t feel like you have to start a bromance with someone who is exactly like you. Try to stay open to meeting someone who has different interests and life experiences.

Preparing for a Bromance

  1. Make time for your bromance.[4] Having a best friend is a big commitment. If you have a girlfriend, children, or a busy work life, then you will need to make sure that you can still find time for your friend. Make sure that you set aside enough time to spend with your new friend so that the relationship can grow.
    • Try setting aside a time once per week for you and your bro to hang out together alone.
  2. Get your partner's blessing. Talk to your girlfriend or wife about wanting a close guy friend.[5] Explain that much in the same way she enjoys her time with her gal pals, you'd be pretty stoked to have a guy friend. In case she's the jealous type, emphasize that a bromance won't take away from your relationship.
    • Have a conversation with your girlfriend about both of your expectations for spending time together. For example, how many nights per week does your girlfriend expect you to be home? Does you expect to spend most weekend with your bro-mates?
    • Try to make sure your significant other and your new BFF get along. If you're dating someone and it's getting serious, introduce her to your pal early on. Try to find something they have in common, and be careful not to neglect your date in the presence of your buddy.
    • Treat your friend's girlfriend or wife with respect. Who your friend decides to be in a relationship with is his business and his choice. Offer him advice if he asks for it, but ultimately, be supportive, not destructive.
  3. Invite your bro-mate to do something. Planning times to hang out after you meet a new potential bro-mate is an important part starting a friendship. If you feel like you have been hitting it off with a guy and you think it might be fun to hang out together, then ask him if he’d be into that.
    • Try saying something like, “Hey, do you want to go watch the game on Saturday?"
    • If you need to get his number to contact him about meeting up, then you can say something like, "Cool. I'll text you about where to meet up. What's your number?"
    • If you are worried that the guy you want to hang out with thinks you might have romantic intentions, then you can say something like, "Not to make this awkward, but I'm looking for bros not dates. You too, right?”
  4. Start out casual. Meeting up for dinner together as a first getting-to-know-each-other session might be too romantic. Instead, stick to something one or both of you would naturally be doing in your spare time instead. For instance, ask your potential bromantic partner for advice about a girl over a beer, or invite him over to check out your vintage car. Keep the conversation and the preliminary man-dates casual in order to make the early stages of the bromance less awkward.[4]

Deepening the Bromance

  1. Do fun things together. Bromance is likely to flourish and deepen when you can share good times and create new, happy memories together. If you have common interests like fishing, bowling, or watching movies, invite a friend to do them with you. Weekly poker nights, daily trips to the gym, or going to see your favorite band together every time they come through town might also be of interest to you and your friend.[6]
    • Hang out with your buddy regularly, and make sure a good chunk of that time is without your significant other(s).
  2. Open up emotionally with your buddies.[5] Moving the relationship with another guy forward -- from acquaintance to friend to bromance -- is something that the typical guy often struggles with. However, there are many things you can do to step your relationship up a notch:
    • Share information that you normally keep to yourself. A solid bromance should mean that you will have a trusted ally who you can really be yourself with, and talk about things that are typically off-limits not only to others, but possibly your significant other.
    • Ask for advice. It not only shows your buddy that you respect his opinion, but it also makes him feel more invested in how things turn out.
    • Keep it mutual. You don’t want to be blabbering about your life when you know he probably has a secret or two he could share. Ask him how things are going, especially if your friend seems out of character. Don't prod; a simple "You seem off, dude, is something up?" should do the trick. If he says he's fine, leave it be.
  3. Support your friend.[6] A solid bromance is one where both parties see the other’s victories as their own. If your friend gets a new job, for instance, tell him how happy you are for him. Insist on celebrating by going out to the bar or doing something you two like to do together. Expect that your friend, in turn, will support you.
    • Applaud your friend when he gets married, promoted, or achieves professional or personal recognition.
    • When things go wrong for your friend, let him know that you’re there to support him.[6] This will deepen your bromance. For instance, if your friend’s girlfriend just broke up with him, tell him that you feel really awful about his situation. Tell him about a time you broke up with a romantic partner and how you got over it.
    • Empathize with your bromantic buddy’s situation. Listen to what they have to say and let them know that you care by nodding when they talk, and calling or texting to express you’re thinking of them.
  4. Respect your bro’s boundaries. Don’t expect your friend to comply with unreasonable favors like, for instance, extending you a large personal loan. Bromance does not require that you or your friend give up who you are. Stay true to yourself, and don’t do anything out-of-character just because you’re trying to impress your new friend. At the same time, don't get so attached at the hip that you drive each other nuts.
    • Be gentle when criticizing your buddy. Try to see things from his point of view.[6] Always be respectful when expressing disagreement about your friend’s opinions and perspectives. Don’t yell, curse, or call names. These behaviors can hurt your bromance.
    • Don’t assume your buddy views the bromance the same way you do. Keep your expectations realistic and stay sensitive to what your friend is feeling.[1] For instance, if you feel that you and your friend are very close, but he doesn’t open up emotionally right away, just give him time. He might not be at the same stage in the bromance that you are.
    • Let your bromance develop naturally. Don’t force one that isn’t there. If your friend shows little interest in spending time with you, or is disrespectful, look elsewhere for true bromance.

Warnings

  • If your guy friend presumes that you want more than a bromance and is receptive to something more, set him straight quickly to avoid further embarrassment or disappointment. Whether the bromance can survive an open declaration of romantic interest depends on the context, but as with any friendship where a platonic relationship develops into a romantic one, you two might find it hard to remain friends. Don't let this possibility hold you back from pursuing a bromance though, and trust that things will work out.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/07/31/a-short-simple-guide-to-finding-friends/
  2. ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/27/opinion/donald-trump-and-chris-christie-start-a-bully-bromance.html?_r=0
  3. ↑ http://www.nbcolympics.com/news/broadcasting-bromance-dan-hicks-and-rowdy-gaines
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 4.2 http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sponsored/lifestyle/mens-lifestyle-guide/11250432/how-to-make-new-friends.html
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201106/personal-growth-the-joys-bromance
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 6.2 6.3 http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-importance-of-friendship/
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