Find Friends That Share Interests

The older you get, the harder it can be to make new friends who share the same interests. This is especially true if you’ve just moved to a new school, university, city, or job. Putting yourself out there can be difficult, but you shouldn’t feel awkward or needy. There are many ways to find people who enjoy the same things you do. You just have to be willing to talk to new people, go to new places, and engage with them to start a lasting friendship.

Steps

Meeting People

  1. Introduce yourself to new people. The more people you meet, the more likely you will find someone who has similar interests. Be bold. If you are in a new situation, put your hand out and state your name. Brief introductions are best. If the other person is interested in a conversation, they’ll respond.[1] Some ways you can do this include:
    • If you’re at a party, instead of only talking to your friends, talk to strangers. Tell them your name. You can say something like “How do you know Lisa?” or “This music is great, huh?”
    • If you’re at a new school or workplace, introduce yourself as you run into people. You may want to introduce yourself to those sitting next to you. Be bold. You can say: “Hi there. My name is ____. I’m new here.” Wait for them to introduce themselves back.
  2. Watch for people who advertise their interests. Sometimes people show their interests and hobbies in visual ways. They may wear a t-shirt of their favorite band, or they may have stickers of their favorite superhero on their bag. Perhaps you see them knitting on the bus, or they’re reading a book you enjoy. In these situations, don’t be afraid to compliment them on their tastes. You can try saying something like:
    • “I love your shirt. That’s my favorite band. Have you been to one of their concerts?”
    • “That scarf you’re knitting is beautiful. I knit quite a bit myself, and I always find that stitch difficult. Any tips?”
    • “Have you read the latest book by that author?”
    • You can advertise your own interests in the same way. Perhaps someone will comment on your shirt or sticker.
  3. Ask people questions. After you’ve made introductions, you can start small talk. Asking the other person questions shows your interest in them.[2][3] While small talk is often about the weather or your workload, you can also guide the conversation towards your interests. Asking for recommendations is a natural way to feel out their interests while helping you find fun places to go and things to do. You can ask:
    • “So what do you like to do on the weekends?”
    • “Are there any good movies out? What would you recommend?”
    • “Do you know if there are any good hiking trails around here?”
    • “Are you watching the game tonight?”
  4. Discuss your own interests. Don’t be afraid to talk about your own hobbies as well. Do not worry about being judged for your interests. Instead, confidently state what you like to do, and the other person might respond positively. If they’ve never heard of your favorite band or if they haven't played your favorite sport, you might be able to teach them about it in a way that makes them interested.
    • If they ask you what you did over the weekend, you can discuss how you spent it doing your favorite activity. For example, “I just saw this great play over the weekend. Have you heard of it? I love theater, especially musical theater.”
    • If they ask you how you are doing, add a short response that tells them not only how you feel but what you’ve been up to. For example, “I’m good, but I am so tired today. I was up late last night playing this new video game.”

Socializing Outside of Work and School

  1. Join a club. Clubs, associations, societies, and organizations provide easy ways for you to find people with similar interests. If you are in school or university, you can look up your student union’s list of organizations to see if there is anything that matches your interests. If you are an adult outside of university, you can search meet-up websites or check out local web forums for information.[4] Some ideas for clubs include:
    • Sports team
    • Improv group
    • Board game club
    • Fantasy sports league
    • Running group
  2. Volunteer. If your interests tend to be motivated by social justice, you should also consider volunteering. Non-profit organizations can often use extra help, and you will form many new networks with people who share the same beliefs.
    • If you love animals, you can volunteer to walk dogs at the local shelter.
    • If you are religious, your place of worship probably offers many opportunities to help the local community alongside your fellow worshippers.
    • If you have strong political beliefs, you can join a local advocacy group. You can organize protests, campaign for a politician, or attend town hall meetings.
  3. Attend local events. Look up your city or town’s calendar of events to find out what is going on near you. If there is anything that sparks your interest, attend it. Going to events alone can be intimidating, but it allows you to meet new people who also enjoy the same kinds of events. Some good places to meet people include:
    • Sports game
    • Concert
    • Cultural festival
    • Art Fair
    • Comic book convention[5]
  4. Join a social media group. More and more, people are meeting each other online instead of in real life.[6] Using your social media account, you can connect with a local interest group. Write on their board, or make comments on their posts. If they organize a meet up, attend it. You may feel better having talked to these people online before meeting them in person.
    • If you don’t want to use your social media account, you can also be anonymous on forums that center around your interests. The friends you make may not be local, and you may not meet them in real life. That said, they can still be lasting friendships.
  5. Take interesting classes. If you are in school, what classes you take often determine who you meet. While you should be taking required classes for your area of study, you can also take courses in subjects you find interesting. This will connect you to other people who are also fascinated by these topics.[7] If you are no longer in school, you can still take classes at your local community college or public library.
  6. Organize your own event. If all else fails—if there are no local clubs, no volunteering opportunities, no fun events—make your own opportunity. Other people with the same interests will find you instead. Do not assume that no one out there has the same interest. They may be interested, but they may not have the same initiative to start something.
    • Start your own club. You can advertise it online and in local coffee shops. Make a page for it on social media.
    • Plan an event. Research local artists, musicians, or vendors to see if they would be interested in helping you. You can contact your local town council to see if they will help you. Raise money through ticket sales.
    • Start a blog about your hobbies. People who are interested will come and comment on what you do. You may even form an online community around the activity.

Starting a Friendship

  1. Text each other. It can be difficult to start hanging out with someone you’ve just met. You may not feel comfortable with them enough to ask them over or to go out together. A good way to start a long term friendship to start texting them about your shared interests. Send them a picture you think they’ll find funny. Show them a website about your common interest. Ask them questions about homework or work. Texting is key to modern friendships, and it’s one of the primary ways that friends keep in touch.[8]
    • Sometimes asking for someone's number feels awkward. Try saying something like, "If it's okay with you, I would love to get your number so we can chat a little more and maybe hang out!"
    • You could also ask, "Could I have your number? I want to text you about what we've been talking about!"
  2. Invite them to join you on your hobby. Once you’ve established that you share an interest, you should take the opportunity to do it with them. Ask them if they want to come over or to go out to do your hobby. Some casual activities include:
    • Discussing books or movies over coffee
    • Playing video games together, either over the internet or together in the same room
    • Going on a hike together
  3. Act like a good friend to them. It sounds easy, but the best way to make good friends to be a good friend.[9] Be open about your interests, and they’ll open up to you.[10] Invite them to group outings. Perhaps they’ll do the same and introduce you to more people who share your interests.
  4. Avoid badgering them. While it might be exciting to find someone who has all of the same interests, you should not overwhelm them with texts, phone calls, and emails. While they may be interested in being your friend, they have other social obligations, time requirements, and hobbies too. You want to make friends, but you do not want to appear needy.
    • Wait for them to text you back before you send another message.
    • Call once and leave a voice mail if they do not answer.
    • Friend them on social media, but do not like all of their posts at once.
    • If they do not respond, they will probably not be a good friend, no matter how many interests you share.

Tips

  • Conversations should always go both ways. Talk about your interests, but make sure you’re asking them about theirs as well.
  • Try to talk about more than one interest. They may have more than one thing in common with you.
  • Don't be shy. You don’t need an icebreaker or an opening to discuss what you enjoy. Be bold, and ask them outright what their hobbies are.

Warnings

  • Friendships are more than just about shared interests. You may not have much in common with someone, but you can still be friends. Similarly, you should not try to force a friendship with someone who is not interested, no matter how much you have in common.
  • Don't be afraid to make new friends.You're not bothering someone if you're asking them to hang out or if you are texting them.[11]

Related Articles

References

  1. ↑ http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/the-perfect-way-to-introduce-yourself-in-any-setting.html
  2. ↑ Lisa B. Kift, MFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
  3. ↑ http://personalexcellence.co/blog/new-friends/
  4. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/howtomakefriendsnewcity
  5. ↑ https://www.gooverseas.com/blog/meet-people-new-city
  6. ↑ http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/08/06/teens-technology-and-friendships/
  7. ↑ http://msutoday.msu.edu/news/2013/how-teens-choose-their-friends/
  8. ↑ http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/08/06/teens-technology-and-friendships/
  9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201002/what-makes-true-friend
  10. ↑ Lisa B. Kift, MFT. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
  11. ↑ http://www.succeedsocially.com/howtomakefriendsnewcity
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