Start a Text Conversation with a Girl

When you are first getting to know someone, text messaging can be a great way to break the ice and generate interest in getting to know each other better. To start a text conversation with a girl, send her a short open-ended question to get things going, then shift the conversation toward something timely or significant to her. Keep the conversation lighthearted, and take cues from her to determine whether to keep going or let it end.

Steps

Sample Conversation Starters

Doc:Text Conversation Starters

Starting a Text Conversation with a Girl

  1. Get her phone number. Try to get it from her yourself; it can be a little awkward to get a text from someone if you have no idea how they got it.
    • An easy way is to mention a funny video or photo and tell her, “I’ll text you the link/photo. Wait, I don’t have your phone number! Can I get that from you?” Be casual and don’t make it a big deal, and she’s more likely to feel comfortable giving it to you.
    • If you need a little more help getting her phone number, check out How to Get a Girl’s Phone Number.
    • If she doesn’t want to give you her phone number, don’t try to get it from somewhere or someone else. This is simply a matter of respecting her boundaries. Maybe wait to ask her again until you know her a little better in person.
  2. Say hi — but don’t just say hi. A simple “hi” is hard to respond to, and can come off as lazy or boring. Ask a question, or even just ask her how she’s doing.
    • Questions are great because there is an expected response to keep the conversation going. If you ask her what the English homework is, she can respond with the answer and you can ask another clarifying question, keeping the conversation moving.... as opposed to if you just say “hey,” and she has no idea how to respond.
    • Open-ended questions are usually better than simple “yes-or-no” questions because there’s more you can say. For example, “Do you like comedy movies?” will likely garner a one-word response, whereas “What kind of movies do you like?” will probably get a longer, more specific response and make it easier to continue the conversation.
  3. Say something timely and relevant. If you're trying to break the ice for the first time, it is important that she doesn't feel like your text is coming out of the blue with no reason or motivation behind it. Talk about something that you both share in common or that affects both of you.
    • For example, if there is a school function going on that night, you can ask “Are you going to that game/play/dance tonight?” You could even ask if she wants to come along with you (or with you and a group of friends, if you're feeling a little shy about jumping in on that first date).
    • You could also make small talk about some experience you've both had, like saying "It was so crazy running into you at Starbucks today!" or "Can you believe how Mr. Smith yelled at that student in English class today?"
  4. Talk about her interests. If you know she likes a specific band, TV show, or movie, ask her about it! Ask her what she thought of the most recent episode, or if she has any song recommendations for that band. This will show her that you take enough interest to care about her opinions and remember her likes and dislikes.
    • These topics are especially great because people can be really passionate about their favorite bands or shows. They love talking about them, watching them, and learning more about them. It can be really exciting to meet someone who shares the same interest.
    • If you disagree over something, don’t freak out! A little playful debate over “Which Beatles Song Is The Best” can help you two get to know each other, as well as be funny and enjoyable. Just don’t insult her or say something mean in the process.
  5. Use smiley faces! Smiley faces can be fun and flirty, but are also innocent enough that it won’t come off as too bold or forward. Just throw in a smiley face, and she’ll notice ;)
    • If you’re really unsure how to use a smiley face, start by just tacking one on at the end of a text, like “Have you seen the new episode of ‘New Girl’? It was really good :)”
    • In general, winky faces are more suggestive and used with flirty texts and double-entendres. Don’t use a winky face where you’ll normally see a smiley face because it might seem misplaced or even confusing.
    • Try not to overdo it with the emoticons, as that can be confusing and off-putting.
  6. Keep going! Now that your conversation has started off on the right foot, make sure it keeps going just as well!
    • Check out How to Text Message Someone You Like if you need some more ideas.
    • When you're ready, you can advance to the next level by using your text messages to set up a real live in person get-together-- whether it's a date, casual meet-up, or group get-together. Texting is fun, but talking in person is the way to take a relationship to the next level.

Knowing When Texting Isn't Appropriate

  1. Stop texting her if she's not into it. If she doesn’t seem interested (i.e., taking forever to respond, responding rarely, or sending trite, one-word texts), you should consider not texting her; if she directly asks you to stop, stop.
    • If she doesn’t want to talk to you, you’re wasting your time. Find some other cute girl to text.
    • If you keep texting her and she's asked you to stop, you could risk being accused of harassment or stalking.
  2. Call or talk in person if you have something important to say. While texting is a great way to get to know someone casually or to break the ice with a new person, there are many conversations that are just not appropriate for texting. These include:
    • Asking her out. If you want to ask someone out, do it face to face or over the phone, but don't do it over text unless it's very casual and insignificant.
    • Breaking up. If you want to end a relationship with someone, do them the courtesy of talking to them about it in person or on the phone, but don't use a text to do your dirty work. It's lazy and immature.
    • Offering comfort or advice for serious problems. If she's recently lost a relative that she was close to, or if she's experiencing some very difficult personal problems, texting can be a great place holder or way to say "I will call you later to talk about this." But don't let texting stand in for personal interaction during difficult times. Your friends need to hear your voice to know that you are there for them.
    • When in doubt, ask yourself if the topic is very important or meaningful, or if the topic is casual or laid back. Text messages inevitably come across as less important and/or more casual than phone calls or person-to-person conversations, so if you want someone to take you seriously or know that what you have to say means a lot to you, then avoid texting.[1]
  3. Be smart about what you text. Remember that texting creates a written and sometimes photographic record that you cannot delete. Never text anything that you wouldn't want to get into the wrong hands, whether because the recipient forwarded or shared the message or because her phone was stolen or lost.
    • Don't sext or text nude images of yourself unless you are over age 18 and the recipient has consented to receive it. Distributing a sexually explicit image of a minor is a felony, even if the minor is yourself, and asking for another minor to send sexually explicit texts is also a felony.[2] Sending unsolicited naked pics can result in criminal charges of harassment.
    • Never send requests for or discussions of illegal activities, as a phone text record can be admissible in court proceedings.[3]
    • It is not smart to use texting as a way to vent about your boss, mother, teacher, or anybody else that you would not want to see the text message. While you might trust the intended recipient of the text to not tell anyone, you can't control what happens if the phone gets stolen or lost or if one of her friends snoops or sees her messages inadvertently.



Tips

  • Flirting can be cute, but can also be annoying or off-putting. While flirting, pay close attention to her responses. If she is sending flirty messages back and responding quickly, this is a good sign. If she seems disinterested or even a little worried, slow down and go back to casual conversation.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.pcworld.com/article/169139/text_messaging_etiquette.html
  2. ↑ http://mobilemediaguard.com/state_main.html
  3. ↑ https://apps.americanbar.org/litigation/litigationnews/top_stories/040113-text-message-admissible.html

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