Stop Being Apathetic

Apathy should not be confused with laziness. Characteristics of apathy include: absence or suppression of passion, emotion, excitement, interest or concern. The root cause is often multi-faceted and difficult to untangle. Perhaps you have faced continual defeat, relentless rejection, or feel like you are constantly pushed to the ground. Delving into the reasons for your behaviors and designing and executing a plan for change, will create momentum to achieve the life you desire.

Steps

Analyzing Your Behaviors

1. Break the cycle. First and foremost, you must decide to break the cycle of apathy. If your thoughts continually lead you toward inactivity and powerlessness, it is time to generate different thoughts. All your thoughts and actions must focus on gaining your power back and learning how to prevent the physical and emotional paralysis that it causes.
   • Participate in activities that generate thoughts and bolster the belief that you have power over your existence, and you can create new possibilities. For example, something as simple as cleaning your living area will show you that you can improve your situation.
   • The signs, symptoms and causes of apathy must be understood. Apathy can manifest in your behavior in ways such as loss of interest, concern and enthusiasm for many things in life.
2. Identify the root cause of your apathy. What has taken the wind out of your sails? Have you dealt with a lot of rejection? Was that compounded by your belief that no one listens to you? Have you not reached a certain level of education, work or social status, and you don’t think you ever will? Do you have an imbalance somewhere within your body’s systems? Only you can answer these questions.
   • There may be physiological, psychological or sociological causes that are either singularly or collectively causing or contributing to the problem.
   • Ask an M.D., medical doctor to run blood work to rule out conditions such as thyroid disease, hormonal imbalances, and other conditions. Apathy is a symptom of many other conditions that can be addressed and treated.
   • Ask an N.D., naturopathic doctor to address the issues an M.D. does not address. An N.D. takes a more holistic approach to healthcare, which can be an effective addition to the care an M.D. provides. For example, an N.D. is specifically trained to address chemical and nutritional sensitivities, and allergies that may be affecting your mood and overall wellbeing.
3. Listen to family and friends. If you hear family and friends trying to “help you” get motivated, they have noticed something might be wrong. From the outside, your apathy might be viewed as laziness. You know this is wrong, but you aren't really sure what you are feeling. When you get locked into an apathetic spiral, it can be tempting to get defensive and want to push back against the people trying to help you.
   • Learn to listen because people are concerned about you.
   • Whether or not you choose to take their advice, at least make an effort to hear them out.
   • It is difficult to feel wrongfully accused of being lazy, especially when you don’t know how to get out of the hole you are in. You can say, "I know it might look like I'm being lazy, but in all honesty I just don't feel right. I want to find out what it is so I can feel better."
4. Examine your isolation. Are you spending the majority of your day by yourself with little to no input from others? Spending the entire day with only your thoughts limits your perception of your life and the world. If you have negative thoughts, then you end up spending the entire day in a negative space.
   • Spend more time with your close friends and family. Don’t let yourself become isolated from others.
   • Strike a balance between alone time and time you spend in social situations.
   • Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable in social situations. It is normal. Anything new becomes increasingly easier to do with practice.
   • While it's important to socialize, don't spend time with people you don't like. If you tend to get dragged down into feelings of depression and apathy around certain people, hang out with people you enjoy being around instead.
5. Determine if you are unfairly comparing yourself to others. Apathy is often linked with feelings of unworthiness, and can be made worse by constant comparisons to others. Focus on building yourself up rather than tearing yourself down because you think someone is more successful, more beautiful or more talented.
   • Don’t let it stop you from trying, caring and engaging with the world and your interests.
   • You are successful, beautiful and talented in your own unique way.
6. Examine the things you used to enjoy. Remind yourself what you enjoy doing. Create a list of your joys from the past. When you feel apathetic, you start losing connections to the things that once gave you joy. It can even be difficult to remember what it was that used to get you excited. So sit down and make a list of those things. Keep the list in a place where you can see it.
   • Did playing your guitar used to bring you joy? Pull it out of the dusty case and remember what it feels like.
   • Were you an eager reader who always read the best sellers? Pull a book off the pile you’ve wanted to read and skim through it.
   • Did you enjoy laughing with friends? Maybe your best friends haven't heard from you in days, weeks, or months. It’s time to make contact.

Creating Motivation in Your Life

1. Change your thoughts. A thought can change a feeling. In order to feel better, pick a better thought. You may notice the high frequency of your negative thoughts, which will show you there is room for improvement. Focus on generating positive thoughts to replace the negative ones.
   • If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, tell yourself, "Stop!" Then replace the thought with something positive such as, "I am filling my mind with positive ideas that will change my beliefs. I am changing my life."
   • For example, if you have the thought “There is no point in trying, because I know I will fail,” change it to something like, “Failure is an opportunity to learn. If I don’t get it right this time, I can always try again.”
2. Stop self-loathing behaviors and thoughts of inadequacy by taking action. Be the first person to congratulate yourself on any job well done. Try to see your positive traits in the way others see you.
   • Question your self-perception. You may be harshly judging yourself, with no supporting evidence.
   • Even if you think taking out the trash is not a big deal, give yourself an “at-a-boy” for getting the task completed. It doesn’t matter how big or small, you must honor yourself by recognizing the things you can do rather than focus on those things you believe you cannot.
3. Take action by starting with small steps. If you're struggling with severe apathy, it's unwise to dive straight into the deep end of new responsibilities and ambitions. Make small changes at first and gradually work toward more significant responsibilities. Each step you take forward is a step away from apathy.
   • For example, if you feel like all you can do in a day is wake up and make it to the couch, it's probably not realistic to decide to run a marathon.
4. Change your appearance. Cut off your hair, or make a drastic change in your appearance. Getting a haircut can be a loud statement or a quiet rebellion against apathy. This can be extremely effective at giving yourself a small but significant change to jolt yourself out of your routine.
5. Change your bedtime and wake-up time. If you’ve been sleeping a lot, then go to bed at a reasonable time and wake up 7-8 hours later. Several studies indicate that optimal sleep is important for normal brain function. Reestablishing a proper sleep pattern will allow you to have more energy and motivation to increase your participation in life.
   • Staying in bed too long can end up making you feel drowsier and depressed, so jolt yourself awake and hop out of bed an hour or two earlier than normal.
6. Exercise your body and mind. Periods of extreme apathy can be reversed, sometimes by taking the smallest of steps. Getting outside and using your body can be enough to jolt yourself out of your haze. If the idea of exercise makes you want to head for the couch, take that as a sign that it's a necessary idea.
   • You don't have to jump immediately into running 5k races and swimming {{safesubst:#invoke:convert|convert}} each morning. Go slowly and do what you're ready for. Start with light stretches and calisthenics each morning or go for a brisk walk around the neighborhood.
   • Exercise can help to release beta-endorphins into the blood-stream, which can produce an effect known as "runner's high," helping to induce euphoria and pleasant feelings. It will also increase your stamina, give you energy, and help you sleep better. Win-win-win.
7. Monitor your diet. Unhealthy consumption of food can lead to a cycle of apathy. The more apathetic you feel, the more likely it is that you will consume food that is not good for you in quantities that will lead to obesity.
   • Do not rely on frozen foods, fast food, and other junk instead of healthy, nutritious meals.
   • Avoid eating too much refined sugar and preservative-laden food that affects your BDNF hormones, which have been linked with increased risk of depression.
   • Try to start cooking simple meals that emphasize fresh vegetables, fiber, and a minimum of pre-prepared or packaged foods. If you cook a lot in the microwave, then alternate by cooking on the grill, in the oven or on the stove. This will create flavors, textures and aromas that provide variety to your life.
8. Make bigger shifts in thinking and actions. It may be appropriate to make bigger changes in your routine to help jog yourself out of an apathetic haze. Decide whether something major about your life needs to go, be changed, or be altered in some way that will motivate you.
9. Switch jobs. If your job leaves you feeling underemployed, unappreciated, or bored, you need to seek employment elsewhere. The purpose of a job is to provide you income and a sense of purpose. While some people can deal with a "paycheck" job as long as their lives are robust and full outside of work, other people struggle. Make the choice to find emotionally gainful employment.
10. Relocate your residence. Moving elsewhere can give you the change in scenery you need. If you're feeling stuck someplace where you don't know people, you don't feel comfortable, or you don't enjoy being, it may be helpful to change your residence. While it's true that you can't always outrun your problems by moving, it can be a spark that some people require.
    • Studies have found significantly fewer anxious and depressive behaviors among people who move to more positive environments.
11. End toxic relationships. Ending toxic relationships will stop an accumulation of negative feelings. A relationship should fulfill you and support you, not drag you down into competitive spirals, petty arguments, and resentments. If you are in a relationship that fails to provide you with emotional support, end it.
12. Stay busy. One great way of doing the end-around on your apathy is to schedule stuff, despite yourself. Call up a friend and make plans to meet for dinner and drinks on Monday, then schedule yourself for an after-work training appointment at a gym for Tuesday. Go for a long walk on Wednesday and visit a friend who lives on the other side of town. Keep your schedule super-full and don't give yourself a chance to get in your own way.
    • Identify your "empty spaces." There are times of the day or night when you feel the most apathetic or dragged down. If you always seem to feel unmotivated before you go to work, schedule something to make use of that time.
    • For example, use this time to listen to audio recordings of uplifting music, motivational material, or meditations that have been shown to change the brain. Fill your empty spaces with rich and positive information.

Executing a Plan

1. Design a routine that works for you. Re-lighting the spark you've lost starts with making the decision to move past apathy. Creating each step in your plan to build yourself back up, will provide an opportunity to achieve feelings of success. It is deliberate attempts to build small successes that lead to larger ones.
   • Routines can provide the structure you need to hoist yourself out of the hole of apathy. If you have a routine to follow, you won’t have to think about what you have to do every day. Simply plug into your routine and take care of business.
   • Start with simple routines such as: I wake up at 7:00, eat breakfast and take a shower and be ready for the day by 9:00. At the end of the day prepare your clothes and lunch for the next work day and go to bed by 10:00.
2. Commit to changing your outlook and behaviors. Reach an agreement with yourself. Making a promise to yourself to improve your life is one of the most respectful things you can do. Keeping your promise can be difficult at times, if you allow yourself to negotiate your morals and standards.
   • Sign a behavioral contract with yourself and get a witness to sign it as well. This will ensure accountability.
   • Making a change can be difficult, but you are worth the effort.
   • You might disappoint yourself, but you need to be the first person to give yourself a second chance.
   • If you feel yourself backsliding away from a promise you made, tell yourself, “I know this is tough, but I promised myself I was going to do great things, eat great food and be powerful. I am saying this out loud to remind myself and recommit to my promise. I promise.”
3. Execute your plan. You are changing your circumstances, which is difficult, but the payoff can be profound. Focus on all the active steps you can take toward your goal. Keep information and lists handy so you can refer to them if you feel less than powerful. There is a time to move forward and a time to rest, but don’t allow yourself the option of going backwards into something that made you feel horrible.
4. Identify your first positive activity. Find one thing that you can rally around and throw yourself into it. Just one thing. Don't worry about trying to get in shape, write a novel, and learn to play sitar all in the same week. You will overwhelm yourself. Hobbies promote good health and will likely prevent you from slipping back into a state of apathy.
   • Pick up an instrument, start brewing beer, or pick up a sport and start playing it. Find something to get excited about.
   • Don't worry about being great at everything. Let your fingers get rough and raw as you're learning guitar. Let yourself be confused as you read up on French philosophy. Experience growing pains and treat them as a thing you can overcome, not as a roadblock you'll never get past.
5. Adjust for imperfections. You are human and that involves being flawed, just like everyone else. Any well-laid plan will include an opportunity to make a correction in the course if necessary. There are bound to be missteps and bouncing back from them will not only keep you on track, it will show you that you can regroup and continue.
   • If you signed a behavioral contract, make additions when necessary, sign it and have your witness sign it again.
   • If necessary, use every day as a time to tell yourself, “Today is going to be a great day and yesterday is behind me now.”
6. Acknowledge your progress. It is important to write down your plans, goals and accomplishments. This will allow you the opportunity to review how far you have come. Progress is infectious. If you show yourself that you are capable, you will become even more capable and apathy will be left behind.

Coping with Apathy

1. Let go of the past. If you try to let something go and it continues to eat at you, hold you back or elicit feelings of apathy, you likely need to process residual feelings. You will eventually reach a point where you feel and believe your struggles are behind you. Living each day in the present moment allows you to leave the past behind.
   • Process residual feelings from the past by talking with a close friend, family member or therapist. This includes reiterating your desires to stop apathy’s affects.
2. Tell friends and family that you are trying to change your life. Not only will people want to help you, but saying it out loud will help you be accountable to yourself and your goals. If you struggle then say, "I am having a hard time and I appreciate you trying to help me. Are there any insights you can share with me about how you have struggled in the past?"
3. Educate yourself. Apathy is directly related to other significant problems, including issues of anxiety, stress, clinical depression, certain diseases and metabolic abnormalities. It is important to note that general feelings of apathy, especially if they last for long periods of time, can be one of the biggest indicators of clinical depression, which may be the underlying cause of your feelings.
   • External causes might include unhappiness at your job, your relationship, or other circumstances which leave you feeling unappreciated or underemployed.
   • If you’re feeling unfulfilled by something that used to bring you pleasure, determine when you started feeling this way. Has it always been so? Was it linked to a break-up, or another moment of extreme turmoil?
   • Are you or someone you love or care about feeling uninterested by once-engaging and exciting activities, or feeling unmotivated at work or school, failing to follow through due to wasting time watching TV, playing video games, and messing around on line?
   • Are you feeling frustrated or embarrassed being around friends who have something interesting going on in their lives, or are you avoiding your friends altogether?
4. Be open and honest with yourself. Introspection is the process of directly attempting to access your own internal processes. . When you figure out how and why you react to the people and things around you, then you will be able to help yourself solve many personal struggles. Only you can do the work that it takes to find the answers to these questions. Analysis can be difficult, but it can put you on a clear path toward change.
5. Unplug from e-connections. One excellent step to help you get away from a self-esteem spiral is to unplug from social networking for short periods of time. You don't have to quit Facebook cold-turkey, but researchers have uncovered a measurable connection between depression and clicking through your friend's vacation photos on Facebook throughout the day. The more Facebook, the less happy.
6. Seek professional help. If you're really struggling, don't go it alone. Schedule an appointment to talk with a licensed therapist and discuss your struggles with apathy. Just scheduling the appointment and knowing there will be someone to talk to can help.
7. Realize you are not alone. There is a tendency to think you are the only one who experiences the thoughts and feelings you are having. You must understand that many others have felt exactly what you are feeling and have gotten the help they needed. Fight the urge to push yourself to the outside where you might isolate yourself and not get the help that you need.
   • Find a support group through a friend, your doctor or a trusted online source. Knowing you are not alone, will help you find the strength to make the changes you desire.
8. Generate the power in your life one step at a time. With each action you take, a layer of apathy can be released. When you give yourself the opportunity to create a new way of looking at life, your confidence will build and feelings of apathy will fall away. Ridding yourself of apathy is not a quick-fix, but each step you take builds momentum that will carry you to the next step, and the next, and the next until you are free from feeling apathetic.

Tips

• Remember: you are not worthless. Your self-worth depends on confidence, happiness, and helping others. It does not depend on what others think about you.
• Journaling is great for everyone. Start writing, drawing, or painting etc. If you like poems or songs, write those down, too. One of the most important things is to express yourself.
• If you had a troubled childhood, consider counseling to address any resulting issues that might be affecting your emotions and behaviors.
• Be happy. Find something happy to think about every morning and think about it instead of feeling apathetic during the day.
• Work toward enjoying companionship.
• Care about what is going on in your world. Make it a point to study-up on current events. It will help you feel like you are a part of the world rather than alone.
• If there is anything you cannot control or overcome by yourself, get help. For example, if you are seriously underweight, overweight, or are thinking of causing harm to yourself or others.
• Humans need interactions with other humans. Reach out to others and they will reach out to you.
• Reward yourself for all improvements, especially for interacting with others. Let the rewards motivate you to continue creating successes in your life.

Warnings

• Suicidal thoughts are a sign of depression. If you suffer from apathy and think it may be related to depression, get help. There are many people who are eager to help you.

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• Handle Rejection
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• Be Happy Instead of Feeling Unlucky

Sources and Citations

See also

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• Stop Self Harming
• Cope with Loss and Pain

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