Stop Being Self Centered
Need to be taken down a couple notches? If you've been told you're acting too self-centered, you can learn to start by taking little steps to be more humble in your interactions with people. Learn to deal with basic social interactions and stay humble throughout your every day life.
Contents
Steps
Taking Little Steps
- Play a game that you'll be sure to lose. Do you need to be taken down a notch? Learning to lose gracefully is an important step in being less self-centered. The world won't come to an end, and that's a lesson you need to learn.
- When self-centered people lose, they go into disaster mode. Let yourself lose some contest, the smaller, the better. Then act like an adult afterwards.
- Congratulate the winner, even if they're being big-headed. Shake their hand and look them in the eye. Say, "Good game."
- Thank someone for something small. If you have trouble feeling gratitude, fake it until you feel it. Make yourself say "thank you" when someone helps you out. If you train yourself to say "thank you" when you recognize someone making the effort to help, you'll make yourself less self-centered, practically by accident.
- When you ride the bus, say thank you to the bus driver. When the server at a restaurant fills your water glass, make eye contact and say thank you. When your mother drops you off at school, say thank you. Look for excuses to give thanks.
- Even if you think you deserve more, or that the efforts of others come up short, thank them anyway.
- Make eye contact when someone is talking. However you're feeling, an easy way to demonstrate respect is to make good eye contact. Even if you don't like what someone is saying, even if you think you don't need to listen to it, be respectful and make eye contact.
- Practice basic listening skills along with eye contact. Nod your head to show that you're listening. Summarize what someone has said after they say it, before you respond. Show that you're listening.
- Listen when people are talking. If you're looking around the room and eavesdropping on other conversations while your friend is talking, you'll bored, and self-centered. When you're with someone, give them your attention. Focus. Listen to what other people say, and put the focus more on them in your conversations.
- Ask questions and demonstrate an interest in what someone is saying. Follow up on something that they've said, like "How did that make you feel?" or even "What happened next?"
- Read a novel. A recent study found that people who enjoy reading fiction can more easily empathize with others. Reading a good book can help you to understand and recognize the emotions of others, so it's an easy way to work on yourself if you're feeling self-centered. All you need is a library card.
- Of course, reading one book won't automatically make you a more selfless person. But learning to invest in the lives of others can help you get started.
Being Social
- Ask for help when you need it. Self-centered people often struggle to admit when they're wrong, and admit that they need help. Don't just blunder into things on your own. Recognize when your skills and talents aren't enough, and ask for help from someone who can help you.
- Asking for help means that you're able to recognize there are other capable people in the world. People who might be better than you at some task or skill. That's a good thing.
- Let someone else be in charge. Do you always feel like you need to make your voice heard? Instead, take the back seat for a change. Let someone else be in charge when you're in a group, instead of taking the lead.
- When you're out with your friends, does it really matter where you go for dinner? If you're with five people, there could be five different opinions. Just let someone else pick and have fun instead.
- Standing up for yourself is important, too, but only if your voice is regularly buried in the mix, and only if you have a constructive solution to add. You don't have to be a doormat to be more selfless.
- Be clear when you speak. Lots of things that people say can seem self-centered, even if they really aren't. If you sometimes try to guess what someone else wants, you might be trying too hard. Instead of guessing, ask, so you can make yourself clear.
- Don't look for hidden motivations in people's actions and words. If your mom asks if you'd like a salad, it's probably not a subtle jab at your weight. While it might be, assuming can make you look pretty self-involved.
- Some people interpret shyness as self-centeredness, or ego. Don't expect for anyone to read your mind. You have to be willing to speak up if you need help, or you have something to say. Don't expect that everyone's going to ask.
- Stop turning conversations into a competition. Self-centered people always find a way to talk about themselves. If you tend to treat conversations as a battleground, or a way to show-off, stop it. Stop waiting for your turn to speak and start listening and responding during conversation, not formulating your next great statement.
- Don't "one-up" people, even if you get the chance. If someone just told a story about how happy they were to get a used bicycle for their birthday, it's probably not the time to launch into the story about how your dad got you a new car.
Staying Humble
- Get out of your comfort zone. If your world is the size of your skull, it's no wonder you're feeling self-centered. Get out there and experience things that frighten you, things that shake up your day. The more you learn, the easier it will be to humble yourself.
- Even if you think you've got your politics figured out, try to keep an open mind about things. Let doubt creep in every now and then to keep yourself sharp. Ask big questions and seek out the answers for yourself.
- Try to experience other cultures, if you can. You don't have to go on an expensive vacation to do it: meet people very different than yourself in your own town by volunteering.
- Find a group of like-minded people. For some people, it can be a humbling experience to find out that you're not alone. Whatever your "thing" is, there are other people who share your interest. Even if it's obscure 78 rpm shellac records or Italian horror movies. Find a community to which you belong, and join it.
- Join a church and start attending if you're a believer. This can be an excellent way to ground people who are feeling self-centered.
- Join a social club in your town. Hang out at the game shop, if you're a gamer. Hang out at the gym if you're a jock.
- Meet new people regularly. If you've got a small circle that you feel comfortable around, try to shake it up sometimes. Meet new people and learn new things about them, and about yourself. They don't need to know about your self-centered past.
- Spend time with people very different than yourself. Strike up a conversation with a brick layer sometime, if you work in an office, or chat up a well-dressed white collar worker if you make minimum wage. Hang out at the bowling alley. Meet strangers and get to know about their world.
- Get to know someone you don't like. Learning to be tactful and kind to someone who gets on your nerves is a true sign of selflessness. If you're feeling too self-centered, make a point of befriending someone you don't particularly like, and make yourself figure out a way to like them.
- try to guess why someone is the way they are. If your little sister copies everything you do, try to give her a break. It's probably because she looks up to you. Give her a chance.
- Volunteer your time. When you give something without seeking anything in return, you're acting selflessly. Joining a volunteer organization, or finding a non-profit that supports a cause you believe in can be an excellent way to work on self-centeredness. Consider signing up for any of the following common volunteer opportunities:
- Get Involved With Habitat for Humanity
- Volunteer at the Humane Society
- Volunteer at a Homeless Shelter
- Become a Mentor for Children
- Work on a Suicide Hotline
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