Stop Cheating

Cheating, whether on a partner or on a test, is always taking the easy way out of a difficult situation. But these "solutions" almost always create far more problems than they solve, even though those problems may not appear immediately. Stopping cheating is difficult, especially once it becomes a habit, but an honest look inward and sober assessment of the dangers is often enough to start you on the right path.

Steps

Stopping Infidelity

  1. Stop cheating for as long as you can while you figure things out. There are a lot of reasons why you mighty cheat on your partner, from unhappiness with your relationship to the thrill of romantic conquest. What is clear is that your current infidelity will severely cloud your judgment, and getting to the root of your wandering lust is essential for eliminating it. Your first step is always to put an end to whatever affair you're currently in, even if it is only temporary.
    • Remind yourself that this won't be easy, and that is okay. Just because stopping cheating is difficult doesn't mean it isn't worth doing.
    • The only way to stop cheating is to actually stop. Take things one day or date at a time and keep yourself busy.
    • Give yourself a manageable time limit, such as no cheating for two weeks. When it is over, ask yourself if the temptation passed with time or if it is still as alive as ever.[1]
  2. Keep yourself too busy to cheat, finding other ways to blow off steam. Take a vacation, or plan more dates and events with your partner and/or family. Pick up a new hobby all by yourself, giving yourself a safe outlet for alone time that doesn't involve infidelity. Whatever you do, don't replace your cheating time with more stress or work. Cheating, in some way, is a way to relieve stress and tension, so find a new way to relax. Fill the hours with something else you enjoy and the temptation to go cheat will get that much smaller.
  3. Examine your committed relationship for flaws and unhappiness. People rarely cheat for nothing, and one of the most common causes is unhappiness with their current partner. Are they failing to fulfill your emotional or sexual needs? Do you feel like your cheating is a response to some form of their behavior? If so, taking a break from cheating is twice as important. When you don't have this outlet of the other partner, note if your perceived issues get worse or better. Are their fundamental problems between you two that only cheating seems to make feel better?
    • Cheating does not, in itself, mean you should leave or divorce your partner -- many couples actually come out of their affairs stronger than before. Cheating, however, always demands that you step back and re-examine the relationship.
  4. Treat personal problems and desires seriously, even if they aren't your partner's "fault." While unhappiness with a partner is a big reason for cheating, some people cheat even when they're with "perfect" partners. Perhaps you miss the thrill of chasing new dates or feel like you're missing the youthful feeling in a romantic life. Some people, feeling trapped at work or at home, like the feeling of control they get in their romantic life. The important thing to remember is that your partner doesn't have to be at fault for you to commit infidelity, and you need to know honestly if this is the case.
    • Know that well over half of all Americans have been to some form of counseling, and talking through these fears and worries with a professional is a good way to explore ways to fix them.
    • Are there things you can do in your personal life to become happier overall, such as reducing stress or your workload? This can help cut the desire to sleep around greatly.[2]
  5. Put your spouse first when making amends or ending infidelity. A good way to stop cheating is to stop making it about you and thinking more about your partner. It is much easier to let ourselves down, arguing to ourselves that our actions only hurt us and are thus deserved. But if you think about how your beloved is going to feel, assuming they will always find out (even if they don't), then you suddenly have something worth striving for.
    • If your partner found out you were cheating, then you should ask (constantly), what things you can do to regain their trust. It won't be easy, but it is possible.[3]
  6. Consider coming clean to work on your issues together, potentially with marriage counseling. If you know there are issues in your relationship and are committed to fixing them, then it may be time tell your spouse that you have a problem. Marriage counseling, or just personal counseling, is a good way to get an objective, outside look at your issues. It can also be the best way to find solutions together.
    • If you've already been caught, but don't want the relationship to end, you have to show you're willing to work on the problems together. Don't just say "I'm done cheating." Find ways to show you're actively working on it.[2]
  7. Use infidelity as the motivation for a stronger relationship, not a broken one. Cheating often exposes core issues in a relationship, but this is the first step to fixing them. It may be difficult in the short term, but cheating usually tells you where you need to work on your relationship together. Maybe your sex life has gone stale and needs an infusion of energy. Maybe you feel like you're carrying too much weight around the house, and this is the wake-up call that you need more help. Whatever the issue is, try to see infidelity as a chance to improve things instead of a sign that the partnership is already over.[4]
  8. Recognize what you will be giving up by cheating. Is the short terms satisfaction worth the long-term consequences? Can a moment of passion make up for a month of guilt? You must honestly appraise the worst-case scenario of your actions. Ninety-nine times out of one-hundred a quick fling isn't worth your partner finding out and leaving you.
    • In the event of a divorce or separation, any infidelity can (and likely will) be used against you when allocating funds and child-raising obligations.[5]

Preventing Cheating Partners

  1. Be upfront to your partner about your emotional and sexual needs. A big reason people cheat is that they feel like their partner can't or won't meet their needs, so they look for someone else to do it for them. To head this off from either partner, you need to be open about your needs, including:
    • How often you'd like to have sex.
    • You comfort level and desire for adventure in your sex life.
    • The breakdown of household and/or child-raising duties.
    • Long-term goals and plans for your life and career.[4]
  2. Become the best listener you can be. When you discuss your wants and needs, be sure to ask about your partners. This is not a one-time idea, this is the key to all healthy relationships. You must take your partner's thoughts and concerns seriously, and you should always make time to shut up and listen to them. Furthermore, listening isn't a passive effort -- you should be asking follow-up questions if you're confused, nodding along, and following through on any requests or promises.
    • Not all people are good at opening up, especially about sensitive topics. Make things easier by offering your own honest thoughts first, then asking theirs.
  3. Have a conversation on what does or does not constitute cheating. If you drunkenly kiss a college friend, does your partner want to know about it? Is flirting or buying a drink for someone at a conference over the line, or do you trust each other to limit flirting to harmless banter? Just because this conversation isn't easy to start doesn't mean it isn't important to have, and you'd always rather have this talk before someone has done something they regret.[
    • The more openly and often you talk about sex together, the easier and more productive these talks will be.
  4. Tend to your personal happiness. A great relationship is between two individuals, and that individuality is important for feeling free and fulfilled. Tend your own garden while still keeping the relationship alive, because your own personal happiness is the best defense against infidelity.
    • You should feel comfortable venting or sharing difficult emotions or feelings with your partner instead of balling them up inside.
    • Spending time alone or with other people of either gender is healthy and recommended. Light flirting and talking to others isn't cheating, it is being a sociable, free human being.
  5. Avoid temptation before it hits you. The after party at a work conference away from home may sound like fun, but it's a recipe for disaster if you know you're prone to cheating. If you've committed to stop cheating, then you can prevent most slip-ups by simply avoiding common situations for cheating:
    • Parties without your partner, especially where alcohol is involved.
    • Solo trips, such as business conferences or trade shows.
    • Hanging out with single friends who are constantly looking for dates.
    • People you actively feel attracted to or tempted by, especially if there is romantic history.[1]
  6. Remember that even the best relationships take work. Once you move in together, tie the knot, or otherwise enter a serious, committed relationship, the work is not over. Even couples that have been married for 50 years understand that a relationship takes constant work and reexamination to succeed. How can you best support your partner? How can they support you? What are the little things in a day that make them happy, and how can you make them possible?
    • Shared sex lives don't have to go stale if you share and indulge in each other's desires and fantasies.
    • Tough times are not places to get more distant, but to come closer together. How can you help each other handle tough situations?
    • How can you share the work of chores, children, and cooking in a way that neither person feels taken advantage of?[6]

Stopping Cheating at School

  1. Recognize that the point of school is not your grade-point average, it is to learn. There are a lot of competitive fields and schools that care about GPA, but the honest truth is that getting into these schools by cheating won't get you very far without the knowledge needed to succeed there. Cheating is a short-term solution to life's big goal -- learning as much as you can. And before you dismiss the information in school as "useless," remember that knowledge is power, no mater what field you want to be in.[7]
    • It is generally easy to pass high school, but that doesn't mean the easy way will help you become a better person. Every bit of knowledge you gain makes you a little more competitive in interviews, jobs, and opportunities.[8]
  2. Understand that problem solving, not the problems themselves, are the real skill learned in school. You're right -- you may never use calculus again once you enter the "real world." But that isn't the point. Studying math is about understanding the concepts that drive our world, concepts that you can apply to just about any problem if you have the skills needed to read and look at numbers intelligently. No matter what field you eventually go into, each subject has similar skills:
    • The sciences are essential even if you never want to use them again, because scientific vocabulary and concepts are indispensable in the modern, technologically driven age. Just understanding basic concepts will greatly open up your understanding of the world.
    • English and literature may seem like useless fiction, but sifting through conflicting meaning, reading and understanding subtle language, and exposing yourself to many perspectives makes you a stronger people person, negotiator, and critical thinker.
    • Foreign languages are proven to create stronger neural pathways that make you a better speaker, multi-tasker, and problem solver.[9]
  3. Make an effort to manage your time better instead of resorting to cheating. The typical high schooler has after school activities, dinner, then more stuff to do after dinner, not to mention hanging out with friends, playing video games, talking on the phone, and any other leisurely activity that exists. After 8 hours of school, the last thing you want to do is spend more time on it. By not setting aside time for studying and homework outside of school, you are stunting the growth of one of life's most essential skills -- prioritizing all of the things that need to get done in order to do them all successfully.
    • If studying or preparing for school is not a top priority, you'll be far, far more tempted to resort to underhand tactics.
    • Make the most of your time in school to free up time afterward. Everyone likes to chill out in study hall, but getting things done will make the free time after school much sweeter.
    • Give yourself measurable goals instead of just saying, "I'll study tonight." Instead, decide to do 1 problem sheet, read a chapter, or get 50% finished with a project. It's much easier to stick to concrete goals.[10]
  4. Remove temptation before it strikes. If you don't sit next to someone you can peek the answer off of, you'll never be tempted to peek at the answers. If you never make the cheat sheet, you can't use it. Papers can only be plagiarized if you take the time to look them up. The best way to stop cheating is to never give yourself the opportunity.
  5. Remind yourself of the consequences of getting caught. Remember the possibilities of getting caught, and remember that your teachers and parents are losing trust in you every time you cheat. Furthermore, the consequences are much higher for getting caught than simply missing a few problems. Taking the test honestly may be the difference between an 85 and a 75, but getting caught cheating may be the difference between an 85 and a zero.
    • One bad test rarely has a long-term impact on your life, if it has any impact at all. But the mark of a cheater or plagiarizer could follow you for years.[11]

Tips

  • In any circumstance, cheating on someone or on a test is cheating on yourself. It is a dishonest act, meaning you always feel some reason to hide or suppress your cheating. It is always better to handle this underlying cause than to create even more problems for yourself.

Warnings

  • It won't be easy. But, you can stop cheating when you're ready to stop.
  • The repercussions for getting caught cheating are almost always larger than the repercussions of acting honestly.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 http://www.glamour.com/story/4-steps-to-stop-yourself-from
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/stop-relationship-cheating/
  3. ↑ http://www.theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/stop-relationship-cheating/
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-ways-prevent-cheating-relationship.html
  5. ↑ http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/10/why-women-cheat/
  6. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-ways-prevent-cheating-relationship.html
  7. ↑ http://theconversation.com/students-cheat-for-good-grades-why-not-make-the-classroom-about-learning-and-not-testing-39556
  8. ↑ http://pbskids.org/itsmylife/school/cheating/article5.html
  9. ↑ https://www.ieltspodcast.com/ielts-preparation/15-benefits-learning-foreign-language/
  10. ↑ https://www.csusm.edu/dos/studres/wwwc.html
  11. ↑ https://www.csusm.edu/dos/studres/wwwc.html
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