Talk to Your Daughter About Her Period

The changes to a girl’s body during puberty are delicate subjects to discuss. Creating a positive picture that helps her to understand what is happening is extremely important for her developmental well-being. Approach the subject casually and keep the information honest, and you’ll help culture a healthy open relationship with your daughter. Whether you have the opportunity to discuss menstruation with her before or after she begins, this guide will provide tips on how to ensure a comfortable conversation.

Steps

Talking about Menstruation before She’s Started

  1. Plan ahead to have the talk early. On average, girls begin menstruating between 12 and 13, but some may start much earlier or possibly later.[1] Consider your daughter’s age and tell her casually that you’d like to have a conversation about health and our bodies.
  2. Practice what you plan to say with a partner or friend. Knowing what information you intend to share ahead of time is important to avoid uncomfortable moments for both of you. Try asking other friends or family members how they shared the information with their daughters to get a feeling for how your own conversation will go.
  3. Have several small informal conversations. It can be intimidating or overwhelming for a young girl to have a big talk about something so important. Try starting individual conversations with these topics:[2]
    • “Inside a girl’s body are parts that help her grow a baby.”
    • “Women's bodies work on cycle called the menstrual cycle which takes about 28 days.”
    • "A woman's body takes the steps to grow a baby each month, even when she isn't ready to have a baby yet. This causes a woman to have a period that causes her to bleed."
    • “Even though a period causes bleeding, there are ways to keep clean during your period. Some of the ways are with pads or tampons."[3]
  4. Keep it positive! It is important to paint a positive picture of menstruation so your daughter won’t be scared about starting. If a mom is constantly referring to your period as “the curse” or in another negative way, her daughter might have anxiety about starting hers. Stressing that menstruating is a wonderful, natural experience all women share will help her recognize that it is simply the next step in becoming a woman.
  5. Visit your local library with your daughter. Help her feel comfortable knowing that puberty and sex are not taboo topics by showing her books in the library.[4] Seek out books on puberty such as
    • Whats the Big Secret by Dr. Laurie Krasney Brown & Marc Brown
    • The Care and Keeping of You by The American Girl Co.
  6. Be prepared to answer follow up questions. It is okay if you don’t know all the answers. Just look them up together and show your daughter you are interested in learning too. There are many books and resources available out there. A few helpful websites are

Explaining Menstruation after She’s Started

  1. Be calm and comforting. The most important thing to remember when talking to your daughter about her period is to stay relaxed and encourage her to ask any questions she might have. Remember to keep the conversation positive and encourage her throughout the process. These phrases may help you get the conversation started:
    • "Your body is doing what it is supposed to be doing!"
    • "This is perfectly normal, and every woman goes through this."
    • "I am here to support you, and I understand what you are going through."
  2. Describe why a period occurs. Explain what happens with the internal female anatomy during a period. Highlight the steps below to help her fully understand what is happening with her body.[5]
    • The menstrual cycle takes 28 days and is started by a change in hormone levels in a woman’s body.
    • The hormones trigger a woman’s body to release an egg cell from the ovaries in the process of “ovulation.”
    • If the egg is unfertilized, it breaks down on its journey through the fallopian tubes into the uterus due to a drop in hormone levels.
    • The egg and lining of uterus are shed from the body in the process of menstruation along with blood from the wall of the uterus.
  3. Discuss the options for hygiene during a period. In most cases a pad is the best option for girls when they first begin having their period until they fully understand their cycle.Tampons can also be used; however, attention must be paid to the absorbency of the tampons and the relative blood flow during a menstrual cycle. It is important to educate your daughter on the use of pads and tampons as well as and to ensure that she knows to change her tampon at least every four hours. It is usually best to use a pad overnight.[6]
  4. Describe the physical symptoms that may accompany a period. Although you don’t want to focus on the uncomfortable symptoms of a period, you should inform your daughter that periods do cause the uterus to contract which sometimes can cause cramps which feel like a dull aching pain in their lower abdomen or back.[7]
  5. Explain the link between menstruation and pregnancy. Due to fluctuating hormone levels in a woman’s body, the menstrual cycle causes the body to undergo changes which create the possibility of pregnancy when engaging in sexual activity. Make sure she understands this possibility to avoid future situations for which she isn’t prepared.[8] Use these prompts to broach the subject:
    • "Because you have begun having your period, it is now possible for you to become pregnant."
    • It's important that you know that you can get pregnant by having unprotected sex.
  6. Celebrate with your daughter. Make her feel comfortable and do something special to let her know that you support her and understand what she is going through. Going out for dinner, baking a cake together, or going to a special event are all ways you can commemorate the occasion and let your daughter know that you are there to support her!

Tips

  • A girl’s period may be irregular for the first few months or years as her hormone levels stabilize.
  • It is very important to remember that every girl is different and development happens at a different place. Encourage your daughter not to compare herself to anyone else.
  • Keep your own expressions about a period positive to ensure that you don’t give your daughter negative thoughts about this important stage in life.
  • Create a comforting atmosphere by staying calm, positive, and reassuring.

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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/girlstuff/menstruation.html
  2. ↑ http://www.fwhc.org/health/moon.htm
  3. ↑ http://youngwomenshealth.org/2012/09/27/tampons/
  4. ↑ http://thestir.cafemom.com/tweens_teens/166436/8_momapproved_books_on_puberty/
  5. ↑ http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/menstruation.html
  6. ↑ http://youngwomenshealth.org/2011/06/15/age_to_start_tampons/
  7. ↑ http://www.womenshealth.gov/publications/our-publications/fact-sheet/premenstrual-syndrome.html
  8. ↑ http://americanpregnancy.org/womens-health/menstruation/
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