Tell Your Friend You Are Gay or Lesbian and Like Them Without Them Freaking Out
So you are gay/lesbian and you've come out to your friends. How do you let them know that you like them, but don't fancy them, without freaking either of you out?
Contents
Steps
- Timing. Seriously. Blurting it out right after they've had a bad day is not the best thing to do, but neither is putting it off until another day ... and another day ... and another day ... Choose a moment when you all have a little time to spend to talk it out, and approach the issue seriously - don't just open your mouth and blab.
- Privacy. Another important point. Telling a friend in front of a bunch of other people isn't clever. Find somewhere private, just you two.
- Sit down and explain it calmly. Ask him or her to hear you out before any comments are made.
- Listen to your friend. After all, this is your friend we're discussing, so don't forget to listen. Your friend might have had some suspicions, or might be freaked out. Whatever the reaction is, remember that you have had the chance to say your piece. Now it's your turn to let your friend respond to what you've said. Even if the reaction is bad at first, listen calmly and allow your friend to say what's on his or her mind without interruption.
- Give them space. It may be a big shock for your friends, so give them space. Allow a day or two to pass, then approach them again, and ask (calmly, as usual) if they've had time to think, and whether you can talk some more about it.
- Accept the fact that it may take time, or may not end well. Your friends are your age, and if you've realized you're gay at a young age (pre-18), your friends may have some trouble coming to grips with it at first. Some may not get over their initial negative reaction for quite a while. Continue to be nice, friendly and open - don't be whiny, overly insistent, or creepy - don't stalk them constantly. If your friends have some trouble accepting you right away, just leave them be. If they don't come around, at least you know the truth about them - they were friends as long as it was easy and at the first sign of any difference between you, they bailed out. That's okay. Find new friends.
Tips
- Don't worry! It's not a disease or anything. Just breathe calmly and explain yourself.
- Telling your friend you're gay, does not mean they have to be angry with you or hate you. In fact, you're the true friend who told them the truth and if they don't accept it and bail out, then they were the fake friends, because it doesn't matter what your sexual orientation is, but you're still who you are. And if they don't accept it, and you know you were honest and a true friend, find other real friends. The world is a huge place to find people with the same interests!
- Do you keep running away from the conversation? If you announce (telephone, e-mail) that you plan on telling them something important, the first step is taken. You're friend is likely to ask "what that important thing you wanted to tell" was. Taking both of these steps separately is less scary.
- Don't get angry. Understand that your friends may believe you could decide to change your orientation. Explain to them that we are who we are and being gay is part of that. Remind them that you have (probably) struggled with the realization, and may even have tried to resist or deny the fact that you're gay. But now that you've accepted yourself as gay, you realize that there never really was a choice for you, and that nothing can change that.
- Be confident and at ease. If you accept yourself the way you are and act cool about it, it will be a lot easier for others to accept.
- Make it seem like you don't care if they ditch you for it even if you do.
- Although you need to keep positive thoughts in mind, realize that this may not go over well with everyone.
Warnings
- Don't slag them off. They are your friends, so don't slag them off. Give them time and see if they come around.
