Tell an Ex Employer That Their Reference Letter Isn't Good Enough

So an ex-employer or professor wrote you a Letter of Recommendation, and - ouch! The summary of your proficiency and behavior isn't exactly glowing! If it's filled with statements like: "She may be always late, but she does the job when she shows up."; "He was definitely okay."; or "She couldn't do much, but was fun to look at.", you can't roll with that. But, telling someone "that's not good enough" is dangerous and may not get you the results you want. Let's see how we can turn this "Man, that's what you really think?" letter into "Cool... I appreciate that."

Steps

  1. Suggest something your ex-boss could do differently, on top of what they've already done. You never want to tell someone "that was bad or that was wrong," unless you're training them. (Even then, there are better ways to Use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.)
  2. Keep in mind that the writer of a Letter of Recommendation is a sensitive relationship. This is a person who has agreed to help you, as a favor. It doesn't matter how much you worked your butt off for them - technically, they don't owe you anything. So having a confrontation won't be productive. Or, even if it makes you feel better to get it off your chest - you won't win. And your goal is to get a better Letter of Recommendation, not a cranky ex-boss.
  3. If you think your ex-boss's attitude is redeemable, and is likely to give you a better letter with some prodding: the key is context. Context means breaking down for them what you need, and why. To do this, you may have to re-imagine for yourself: "What do I need this letter to say, and why?"
  4. Once you've fully understood your own needs, explain them to your subject. Use an introduction like the following:
    • "Hey, Mr. Rogers - thanks so much for the letter! It looks great [bite your tongue here - flattery will soften the person up]. Tell you what - I just found out that, for the position of Janitor / Software Engineer / Student at Harvard, they're especially going to look at my sources to say: [I was timely / I worked hard / I stood out / I contributed to a specific project in a specific way]. Is that something you feel comfortable saying?"
  5. Stay focused on a result, not on resentment. By approaching it this way, you have told your ex-boss that a) they did nothing wrong, and in fact you're grateful they took the time to write a letter, b) that you have specific needs, and c) would they mind filling them for you. Basically, you asked them to do a simple task and you did all the thinking for them, while making their answer ("yes") seem obvious. This is the key to persuasion - recommend a new action and make it seem simple, without assigning blame.
    • Make sure you give your ex-boss a deadline by which you need the revisions!
  6. Try it out. If it doesn't change your ex-boss's approach, then reconsider what you'll do. If you feel like your ex-boss is impervious to suggestions, find someone else. You'd be amazed at the people who can recommend you - a teacher, a business partner, a clergy member, a babysitting client, an employer of any kind, even a volunteer coordinator. Be creative when you think of sources.



Tips

  • Don't gush. Making up things that you "liked" (instead of simply thanking them and acknowledging them for their effort) will make you seem like a fake.
  • In some cases, it may be a good idea to sound out your boss before getting a reference letter. If your boss doesn't seem prepared to clarify your accomplishments and skills with you through talking candidly, you might have reason to suspect a negative reference is likely.[1]
  • It's important to keep a list of all bosses who have given you good references in the past; be sure to update their contact details regularly and if relevant, stay in touch now and then out of courtesy.

Warnings

  • Do not criticize the work the person has already done for you.
  • Do your homework first. Come to your ex-boss with a specific list of things you'd like them to say - not a request of "can you punch this up / make it better?" Otherwise, it will clue them in that a) you don't know what you want, and b) you're angry at them for their first try.
  • Be aware that in the case of dissertation and research advisors, you may be in the unfortunate situation of being sabotaged because if you get the change of job/position you're after, your supervisor might be losing a source of income or prestige. Bear this in mind as a possibility and look for a secondary adviser's help.[2]

Things You'll Need

  • Email or phone

Related Articles

References

  1. ↑ References: What you don't know can hurt you!, http://www.quintcareers.com/job-search_references.html
  2. ↑ http://chronicle.com/forums/index.php?topic=27030.0
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