Tell if a Boy Loves You

Sometimes one of the most difficult aspects of starting a new relationship is knowing whether a potential partner is interested in you. Boys seem especially difficult to read, and determining their level of interest can be challenging. A bit of sleuthing combined with common sense and straightforward conversations can help you determine whether it is love.

Steps

Reading His Body Language

  1. Watch his eyes. A boy who is interested in you will likely show it with his eyes. Some of the behavior cues may seem contradictory, but they are dependent on his personality.
    • A boy who is interested in you will likely try to make frequent eye contact.[1] He will look into your eyes while you are speaking, and you may catch him looking at you from across the room.
    • A shy boy may avoid eye contact because he is nervous talking to you. If he seems to be awkwardly looking around like he’s not sure where to look, this may be a signal that he likes you. If he is simply looking at his phone or at someone else, he may not be interested.
    • Men’s pupils tend to dilate when they are aroused.[2] If his pupils have dilated (the black part is larger than usual), then he may be interested in you.
  2. Observe his posture. Male humans, like many mammals, change their physical stature when they are trying to impress a female of the same species. [3]
    • He won’t have his arms or legs crossed. Crossed arms and legs are body language for “no, stay away!”
    • He may lean in towards you while talking to you.
    • He will likely stand straight and tall with square shoulders to seem taller and more impressive.[3]
    • He might even seem to be thrusting his pelvis out slightly. Alternately, some men subconsciously (or consciously) adjust their genitals when speaking with someone they are interested in.[4]
  3. Notice any touching. One of the surest signs of interest is if he finds reasons to touch you. If you are talking and he touches your arm or your hand, he is likely testing the waters to see how you will react to his touching you.
    • Encourage the touching by doing it back. Touch or squeeze his arm lightly and look straight into his eyes while you are talking to him. You should be able to tell from his response if he is interested.
    • Note that you should compare his touching with you to his normal behavior. If he seems to hug everyone who walks up to him, it may not mean anything if he hugs you.
  4. Look for facial cues like blushing and smiling. A boy who is interested in you will likely spend a lot of time smiling at you and laughing at your stories, even if they are not very funny.[1]
    • If a boy is shy, he will likely blush when you talk to him. Look for any redness on his cheeks or signs of sweaty palms (he may rub his palms on his clothing or fidget with his hands).[3]
    • He may be more likely to say something awkward or embarrassing and then blush if he is nervous. Try to make him feel comfortable.
    • Nervousness can be a sure sign of interest. Do your best to make him feel comfortable by being kind and encouraging him to talk to you.
  5. Detect any instances of mirroring. Men and women will both unintentionally mirror a person whom they are interested in.[5] This means that they copy the person’s mannerisms in order to send the message that the two people are similar and thus compatible.
    • You can test this by doing something you don’t normally do, like putting your hand up to your mouth or stretching. See if he does the same thing.

Recognizing Flirtation

  1. Compare the boy’s tone and mannerisms with you and others. The key to identifying whether a boy is flirting with you is to notice differences between the way he talks to you and the way he talks to other people.
    • Some boys try to make their voices sound deeper and more manly when talking to a crush.
    • Sometimes boys will whisper or speak very quietly with someone they’re interested in.[6] This may make you get closer to hear him, or it can sent the signal that you have a secret bond.
  2. Assess his enthusiasm about your interests. If he seems overly interested in everything that you do or say, he is probably interested in you, not your interests per sec.[5] Few people have exactly the same hobbies and passions, but everyone looks for commonality when starting a potential new relationship.
    • Be sure that you reciprocate and ask him about his interests as well. Showing enthusiasm for things that he likes will send the signal that you are also interested. It will also make you seem less self-involved if you encourage him to share as well.
  3. Check his clothing and grooming habits. If he knows that he is going to see you, he may pay special attention to preparing his appearance. Notice if he seems to be dressed up or if he has styled his hair more carefully than usual.[1]
    • It would be nice to compliment him on his appearance if he appears to have put forth a little extra effort.
    • A boy who is willing to make himself look nice for you is probably a better potential boyfriend than one who seems unwilling to make effort to impress you.
  4. Notice obvious flirting. Things like cheesy pick-up lines or winking are traditional signs of obvious flirtation, and guys who don’t have any other ideas about how to flirt will default to these.[6]

Distinguishing Love from Attraction

  1. Have a meaningful conversation. You should be able to talk about a wide range of matters with someone in a loving relationship.[7] Be sure you can have an actual 2-way conversation with a guy.
    • This can be everything from your hopes and dreams to your past relationships to your favorite celebrities.
    • If he doesn’t contribute to a conversation or seems not to care about your opinions, he either does not have reciprocal feelings or isn’t a good catch.
  2. Go on a chaste date. Particularly if you have a physical relationship, try going on a date or having some time together that does not include physicality. Having fun together in a way that does not involve romance or passion is essential to a healthy relationship and can distinguish between a guy who is interested in you and one who is interested in just your body.
  3. Make it through a difficult situation together. This is obviously not something you can manufacture, but if one of you goes through something that is emotionally difficult, you can often gauge the depth of a man’s feelings for you.
    • Be open with your feelings about the event as well as your partner.
    • Communicate about your emotional needs and his, but remember that boys are often hesitant to share their emotions. This doesn’t mean that he is not interested in you.
  4. Be upfront about your feelings and see how he responds. If you are in love with him and you want to know if he feels similarly, tell him how you feel.
    • If you tell him you love him, be aware that he may not say it back immediately. This does not mean that your relationship is over; he just may need some time to process the idea.
    • Watch his body language when you tell him how you feel. If he immediately seems physically uncomfortable, he may not share the same feelings.
    • If he does not respond and seems to feel indifferent, then he may not truly care about you.
  5. Talk about the future. Talking about the future serves dual purposes. First, it can be a way to evaluate whether you have common goals and values, which signals long-term compatibility.[8] Second, it can expose the feelings of someone who is only interested in a short romance.
    • Begin by talking about your individual goals and thoughts about the future.
    • Eventually ask if he can imagine a future together with you in it.
    • Know that goals and visions for the future can change a lot, especially when you are young. Reassessing those ideas periodically is a good idea.
  6. Spend time with his family. If a boy invites you to spend time with his family, he probably loves you.[7] It’s unlikely that he would introduce his family to a girl he isn’t interested in. Getting to know his family can also tell you a lot about where he comes from and the type of environment he is likely to perpetuate.
    • Reciprocate and invite him to spend time with your family as well.
    • Even if his parents (or yours) do or say something embarrassing, it will give you something to laugh about later.
    • Boys are often very close with their moms. If you can impress his mom and she likes you, the boy will likely be proud to bring you home.
    • Be kind about his family. Sometimes people are embarrassed about their family situation and you can alienate them by making fun of their family, even if you do it as a joke.



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Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://lovesagame.com/six-signs-of-male-body-language-flirting/
  2. ↑ http://lonerwolf.com/body-language-signs-of-attraction/
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/the-body-language-of-attraction_b_3673055.html
  4. ↑ http://westsidetoastmasters.com/resources/book_of_body_language/chap15.html
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.today.com/klgandhoda/how-read-guy-his-flirting-signs-I526963
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a7068/signs-hes-flirting-with-you/
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201108/lust-vs-love-do-you-know-the-difference
  8. ↑ http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201404/20-questions-will-tell-you-if-its-love
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