Understand the Difference Between Flirting and Social Interaction
Flirting is playfully demonstrating your sexual attraction to another person. Social interaction is talking to people, getting to know people, dealing with people in social situations. Social interaction occurs frequently in most people's lives: every time you say hi to someone in the street, thank someone for holding a door for you or compliment a colleague on a job well done, that's social interaction! All of these can be done flirtatiously, but it's only flirting when you want to show you are sexually attracted to someone in a playful way.
Steps
- Understand when flirting is likely to be going on. Bars, night clubs, social clubs, parties, and concerts are all places where people are likely to flirt with each other, as these are all places where people go to meet others they are sexually attracted to. Of course, flirting can happen anywhere, but the behavior in question is much more likely to be simple social interaction in classroom lessons, on the street, at funerals, the tax office, or a health clinic.
- Know which groups of people are most likely to be flirting. Children, whilst they may behave flirtatiously, are not frequently sexually attracted to others in a meaningful way. Children have crushes and are curious about sex, but most under the age of 16 are incapable of understanding the full consequences of a sexual relationship. A child of 11 telling a boy of 15 she likes his sweater is socially interacting with the boy. Whilst she may believe she is flirting and the boy may be flattered, this is not flirting as defined by the Oxford dictionary. Similarly, those of more advanced years, over 65, may tend to flirt less than young adults, and people often flirt more with others of similar ages.
- Try not to read too much into things. If you have a major crush on someone, it's easy to misunderstand their behaviour. For example, a boy you like smiles at you, you think he's flirting with you. Maybe he thought you looked like a total goofball and he was laughing at you, not smiling. It's all too easy to get it wrong when you're obsessing about someone. An accidental brush of the hand, a apparent lingering look, even someone just wearing something they don't normally wear can all be seen as flirting when you desperately want it to be, it, unfortunately, doesn't mean it is.
- Be aware that whilst making eye contact is number one on the list of ways to flirt, someone who makes eye contact with you is not necessarily flirting. Making eye contact, for many, is just a normal part of treating others with respect and displaying good manners.
- Consider mature adult behaviour more carefully. Some flirting is so subtle as to be missed and perceived as normal social interaction, and some people are so conceited that they believe every social interaction is a flirtation!
- Remember that not everyone flirts just to try to start a relationship. Some people flirt and make their attraction or sexual attraction to another person obvious because they want to flatter the other person. People flirt, sometimes, because they think it'll get them something they want like better service in a restaurant, a promotion, or, just a favour. It's not wrong to use a little flattery and flirtation to get what you want, as long as you don't make anyone believe they will get more from you than you're willing to give.
- If you're unsure whether someone is flirting with you, ask a friend for a second opinion. Your bias - whether or not you want them to be flirting - could cloud your judgment.
- Enjoy all your positive social interactions. If someone smiles at you or pays you a genuine compliment, does it really matter if they are flirting or just being friendly? It's nice to be nice, as long as you remain appropriate.
- Don't miss the obvious. If someone says, "Are you flirting with moi?" while coyly titling their head to one side and smiling with their eyes AND mouth, they are almost certainly playfully showing they are sexually attracted to you.
- Know the difference between flirting and harassment. Someone pushing you around, belittling you, wolf whistling at you, or blocking your path is not playfully showing their attraction to you. What you might interpret as flirtation the first time can quickly turn to harassment if it persists. What's happening in these cases, what ever they make think they are doing, is harassment or sexual abuse, and it should be treated as such.
Tips
- Ask a friend if you're unsure whether someone is flirting.
