Apologize to a Teen Girl
Apologizing can be a difficult thing to do. It’s a humbling experience that often requires us to admit we’ve done something wrong, which is embarrassing. The feeling of embarrassment can be even more daunting when trying to apologize to a teenage girl. But despite its difficulty, apologizing to a teen you’ve upset is extremely important. By preparing your apology, maintaining good eye contact, and taking complete responsibility for your actions, you can make the perfect apology.
Contents
Steps
Preparing for the Apology
- Make a plan to meet up with her. Apologies are best articulated when the parties involved are face to face. Apologizing in person means you set aside time out of your day specifically for this apology which will help her believe that you actually mean it.
- You could ask her to please meet you briefly at the local coffee shop or library. Or try asking if it would be okay for you to stop by her house so she can be in a comfortable environment for your apology.
- Let her know your plan is to discuss whatever you're apologizing for. Try saying something like "I'd really like to talk to you so I can apologize properly, could you meet me at the library around 3:00?"
- Do not text, email, write a note, or use any form of social media to deliver your apology. This comes across as impersonal and when she reads your words without the context of your tone of voice and facial expressions, she can end up misconstruing what you meant.
- Have an idea of what you’re going to say. The only thing more awkward than apologizing to someone is stammering over your words as you struggle to think of how to say it. You will be much better off if you go into this conversation with a good idea of what to say.
- For example, plan to start out with something along the lines of, “I’m so sorry for reading your journal, it was a violation of your privacy. I promise not to do that again.” Or “I’m very sorry I was so rude to you, can you please forgive me?”
- If you’re apologizing in advance for something she doesn’t know about yet, try something along the lines of “It’s very hard for me to tell you this, but I want you to know that I accidentally ruined your favorite jacket, I’m sorry.” Or “I know that you deserve honesty, so I’m telling you that I lied to you earlier, and I’m so sorry.”
- Relax. Saying you’re sorry to a girl you know is, or will be upset can be quite nerve wracking. Make sure you take the time to calm your nerves before your apology so you can be totally relaxed.
- Try listening to your favorite relaxing music. You might also find it helpful to sit in a quiet room, while you work the apology through in your head. Better yet, try practicing your apology in the mirror, the more you reiterate what you want to say, and how you want to say it, the more relaxed you'll be when it comes time for the real thing.
Delivering Your Apology
- Maintain eye contact. This is uncomfortable for a lot of people, but during an apology you have to look her in the eyes at key moments so she knows you’re being sincere when you speak those words. Don’t look around the room, fidget with objects around you, or look at your phone while you’re talking.
- If she will let you, try taking her hand in yours while you speak. Let her hand be a reminder to emphasize key points in your apology with eye contact.
- Specify what you did wrong. Define exactly what it is that you did wrong. An apology that is too vague will likely make her feel like you don’t really care.
- Try something like “I’m sorry I upset you when I teased you in front of your friends. That wasn’t my intention, and it won’t happen again.” Or “I’m sorry I told our lab partner that secret you told me to keep. It wasn’t my business to tell and it broke your trust in me. I apologize for that.”
- Take responsibility sincerely. Take complete ownership of what you did. She wants to hear you acknowledge your faults, and that you’re sincerely sorry for them.
- Avoid using "you" statements. Many people struggle with delivering proper apologies because they tend to use "you" statements rather than "I" statements. "You" statements get translated as placing blame back onto the person who you've upset, whereas "I" statements place the blame on yourself.
- For instance, you wouldn't want to say something like “I’m sorry you got upset when I called you that name.” This can make her feel as though she didn’t have a right to be upset in the first place. Instead say "I'm sorry I called you that name, I know it upset you, I should never have said it."
- Resist the urge to explain yourself. When having to say "I’m sorry" to someone, many of us automatically think of the reason behind whatever it is we’re apologizing for doing. We like to justify our actions to make ourselves feel better. A proper apology, however should never include any explanations or justifications. These only act to undermine the apology you’re trying to deliver.
- Never include the word “but” when apologizing. For example, avoid phrases like “I’m sorry you got upset when I borrowed your shirt without asking, but I didn’t think you’d notice or care.” Or “I’m sorry about the other night, but I didn’t think you’d get this mad.” She doesn’t care what you thought or why you did the thing that upset her, she just wants to know you’re truly sorry for it.
- Be quiet. Once you’ve looked her in the eye, taken ownership of the specific thing you did wrong, and gave her your most sincere apology - stop talking. She might need a moment to process what you’ve just said, and rambling on after you apologize can take away the magnitude of your apology.
- Just be patient and wait for her response with a smile.
- Walk away. Apologizing is the first step to making her feel better. She may not be completely healed immediately, so give her some space if she doesn’t feel like talking afterwards.
- On the other hand, she may have a lot to say to you after your apology. If this is the case, stay put and listen intently. Make sure you keep the same eye contact you gave her while delivering your apology, and actively listen to everything she has to say.
- If she accepts you apology, move on. Don't dwell on things of the past. If she doesn't accept your apology, she may need more time. Give her some space and try again in a few days.
Tips
- Add a little poetry or song lyrics in your apology for that extra "Aw!" factor. But don't overdo it.
- Most importantly, make sure you're ready to apologize. If you're not, she will sense that you don't mean what you say.
Warnings
- Not every teenage girl is the same. Even the most thought out and sincere apology can fall flat if she's unwilling to forgive you. You tried, that's all that matters.
Related Articles
- Apologize After a Dispute
- Apologize to Your Older Sister
- Apologize to Your Best Friend
- Apologize to Someone You Made Mad
- Apologize to a Mean Girl
- Apologize to a Girl
