Give a Girl Space

Perhaps you are in a relationship with or dating a woman who you really like and enjoy spending time with. In your mind, things might be going well, so if she asks for space, you might be feeling a bit perplexed. Or perhaps things have been rocky for a while, so her need from space may arise from that. Know that space can sometimes help bring couples even closer together, so work to give her space through communicating differently, enjoying your own life, and developing your relationship when the time is right.

Steps

Communicating with Her Differently

1. Honor her request. Though it may be difficult, it is important that you honor her request for space. Avoid initiating contact constantly or asking to hang out. Give her some space to miss you and work on enjoying yourself away from her.
2. Define “space” in your relationship. Once she asks for space, however, you can define what that means and looks like in your relationship. Perhaps she is studying for exams and just needs a bit of time away from you to focus. Maybe she is beginning to feel that she is losing herself in the relationship and wants more permanent space so she can still explore her own interests and identity. Figure out the timeline and parameters of this space to see if you can be comfortable with it.
   • Suggest that the two of you don’t text during the day but do one phone call per night.
   • See how often she wants to see you in person.
3. Check in every so often. You are probably used to speaking to her very often throughout the day and it can be hard to go without that communication. However, don’t reach out more than once per day except when absolutely necessary. It’s okay to answer her calls and texts, but don’t be the first to initiate every time.
   • Call a friend when you want to call her, go for a run or create some other distraction for yourself.
4. Avoid social media for a bit. If she posts to social media very often, consider deactivating your accounts for a bit so that you don’t feel tempted to talk to her during this time. If you would still like to utilize social media, consider unfollowing her while she needs space.
   • Consider unfollowing her friends, as well.
5. Practice positive self-talk. You might be feeling a bit down in the dumps because of this new change in your relationship. However, you can counter this negativity through speaking positively and constructively to yourself during this time. Don’t allow your confidence to tank just because she needed some space.
   • You might repeat things to yourself like “I am awesome,” “Everything will be alright,” or “I do not need to speak to her right now.”
   • Consider also addressing yourself by name in these mantras. Say “Josh, it’s all going to be okay” to yourself when you’re having a hard time.

Enjoying Your Own Life

1. Spend time with friends and family. Though it might be a bummer to you that she needs space, use this time to have a little fun. There is no need to sit around and sulk when you have plenty of other people to hang out with. Visit your family, go out with friends, and make plans for the future.
   • Avoid talking to other girls during this time. Though the two of you are taking space, if you are not in an open relationship, or if you did not agree to see other people, then honor her and remain true to her.
2. Focus on work. This space provides you with the perfect amount of new free time to really buckle down on the job. Consider taking on some new projects, doing some overtime, or helping out a coworker with an assignment. This is a great way to use this space constructively to improve your craft and career.
3. Plan out your time. If you were spending a lot of time with her before, you may find yourself with a lot of free time on your hands. Avoid sitting around doing nothing, and instead fill your time with fun activities, hobbies, or even with television shows or movies that you’ve been wanting to see.
   • Consider asking her out on a date once per week at least so that you two do not grow apart.
4. Take care of yourself. During this time, don’t allow yourself to forget to take care of your body and mind. Hit the gym with some friends or go for a run around the block. Get a haircut and maybe even buy some new clothes. Eat healthy and keep your environment neat.
5. Try new things. Perhaps there are some things that you’ve been wanting to try lately that she wasn’t into. Whether it be that new Indian place down the street or riding horses, begin to explore all of your new interests. Developing these outside of your relationship is healthy and will strengthen your dynamic.
   • She may eventually want to try these things with you.

Developing Your Relationship

1. Reflect on the relationship. Space is not effective unless some reflection is done during the process. Think of what you may have done to prompt her need for space and assess whether or not you can prevent doing so in the future. If the space was not prompted by you, think about her life at the moment and what she might be needing. The space could have little or nothing to do with you, so don’t take it too personally.
2. Reconnect more consistently when the time is right. Once she has a bit more free time or she is reaching out to you on a more consistent basis, check in with her and see if she is still looking for space from you. If not, spend some time together. And if she does need more time, give her that for as long as you can.
   • You might say something like “I wanted to see if you still needed some space from the relationship. It’s okay if you do, but I wanted to check in before I started contacting you more frequently.”
3. Find a way to be happy mutually. Ask her if she had any moments of clarity during this time of space, if she enjoyed it, and if she would like to make it more permanent. Tell her what you learned as well and reaffirm your commitment to the relationship if you still feel that way. Talk about ways to avoid needing space in the future or ways to provide more alone time.
   • For instance, perhaps you had been going out with her and her friends when they would have dinner or go to the movies. See if she would like that time with them alone, instead.
4. Let the relationship go if need be. After the two of you have taken a bit of space from one another, you might both find that you enjoy your time apart more than you do your time together. Though this can be a sad realization, know that it is time to move forward separately. Let go of the relationship and wish her the best.

Sources and Citations

See also

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• Become Better Friends
• Be a Good Friend
• Get Girls in Middle School
• Be Outgoing in High School
• Be a Ride or Die Chick
• Become a Trustworthy Person
• Apologize to a Teen Girl
• Make Your Friends Think You're Weird

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