Be Outgoing in High School

Finding the right way to be outgoing and make friends in high school can be a struggle. Whether you’re naturally shy or just want to be even more outgoing, having the confidence to speak up and make a good impression can be a stressful proposition. However, even the shyest person can make small changes to become a confident, outgoing person.

Steps

Getting Involved in School

  1. Volunteer as the leader for group projects. This will give you a good reason to speak up, and give you plenty of things to say. Being a leader in a small group also makes you look more confident to your peers. Take charge and show initiative.[1]
  2. Raise your hand in class. One way to challenge yourself to be more outgoing is by trying to answer one of your teacher’s questions every week or every day or every class period. Answering questions in class gives you the opportunity to practice being more outgoing, and it gives you a captive audience of your peers. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself to perform. Just keep trying.[2]
  3. Join a club. This is an opportunity to talk with people about a shared interest. This can make it much easier to be outgoing because you know you have a common language with this group. Additionally, clubs and extracurricular activities typically have meetings with agendas. That gives you even more opportunity to prepare what you may want to say in advance.
    • If you particularly enjoy one of your subjects, there may be an academic club you can join to learn more and engage with other students who also enjoy the topic.[3]
  4. Participate in theater productions. School theatre is a great opportunity to be more outgoing. Audition for a show. You’ll meet lots of new people, and even if you’re not cast in the school play, you’ll have the opportunity to perform confidently in front of others.[3]
  5. Play a team sport. While you may not get a lot of opportunities to talk with other people, but working with other players helps you build confidence and trust with your peers. Playing a sport you enjoy, even if you're not great at it, is just one more way to meet new people who have shared interests. Many student athletes build life-long friendships with their teammates.[4]
  6. Go to an open mic night or poetry slam. If your school hosts these, this can be a great opportunity to try being outgoing in front of a group of strangers, and if you fail, this is a low stakes situation because you never have to see these people again. Sing a song, read a poem, tell a joke. Get outside your comfort zone.
    • You don’t even need to perform. You can just attend the show and talk to the performers and other audience members.[5]

Talking to New People

  1. Smile at one new person. People are more likely to approach or speak with a stranger who is smiling. Sharing a smile makes you appear happy and approachable. Smiling also boosts your own level of contentment, and in most cases, happier people are much more confident. Set a goal to smile at someone and say hello every day. You may not always get a response, but the act of repeatedly smiling and greeting new people will make you seem and feel more outgoing.[1]
  2. Discuss shared experiences. If you have a class with someone else, see each other at a movie over the weekend, or are both in the school band, these are all great starting points for a conversation. Approach people and casually bring up your shared interest, even if you have to practice being casual.
    • For instance, you might say, “I did not feel great about that test in chemistry. How do you think you did?”
    • You could ask something like, “Did you enjoy that movie last weekend?”
    • Try complimenting them by saying, “You did great on that solo in band."[1]
  3. Talk to someone during every social event. Even if it’s simply to go up and say hi, force yourself to talk to at least one person during any social engagement. This can mean chatting with someone at a party, a meeting of an extracurricular group, or simply in between class periods. Prepare a list of topics ahead of time, because if you’re afraid you might say the wrong thing, this is a great way to feel more confident. The list can include anything that may be interesting at the social event in question. For example, “What team are you rooting for?” Is a great opening line at a Friday night football game.[6]
    • Talk to people who seem shy. This can help you both feel more confident and comfortable because you might both be in the same boat.
    • Just say hi! You have to start somewhere, and a simple hello is just fine.[1]
  4. Talk to friends of friends. This is likely a more comfortable situation, and it will be easier for you to approach them because you have a friend in common.
    • Start with something like, "You're a friend of Brenda's right? I'm Sam. Brenda and I go to school together. We met at her birthday." This takes all the pressure off the other person to remember who you are, and starts the conversation off.
    • If you don't already know from previous encounters, ask, "How did you meet Brenda?"
    • If you haven't seen your mutual friend lately, you can ask after them. Say something like, "How has Brenda been?"[1]
  5. Join a pre-existing conversation. Don’t feel pressured to always create the conversation. If a group of people are already talking, join in the chat. This can be as simple as saying, “Oh, I saw that movie too. What did you think of the ending?” Just walk up and join in the conversation. Remember your opinions are valid, and people will enjoy hearing them.
    • If the group of students you're joining is in another social group than the one you usually hang out with, don't let that intimidate you. Remember that the worst case scenario is you don't make new friends, and if the group of students doesn't like you, you can always try talking to a different group of people.[3]
  6. Remember the things people tell you. This will make you feel more comfortable when approaching them, and take the focus off of you, if you’re feeling shy. Plus, this assures the person you’re talking to that you care about them, since you made an effort to remember what’s going on in their life.
    • If someone mentions they’re going to see family out of state this weekend, ask them about it on Monday.
    • If a friend was nervous about a math test last week, follow up to see how they did.
    • Remember people’s birthdays and wish them well on that day.[1]

Asking Others for Help and Advice

  1. Ask friends or family members for tips. They can review your behavior by directly observing how you act or by you telling your peer or family member about an incident where you felt very shy. Most people will be happy to help you with this and give you tips, but try to find someone who is outgoing and confident in the ways you would like to be.
    • Ask them, “What would you have done in my situation?”
    • Request feedback on how you can be more approachable or personable the next time you’re in a similar situation.
    • Remind your friend or family member to offer constructive (helpful) feedback, not just criticism of your behaviors.[3]
  2. Mimic outgoing behaviors you admire. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be yourself or be confident in who you are. Instead, this is a way to learn outgoing behaviors by acting like a person who is already outgoing and confident. This is also a good way to reduce stress related to trying something new because you’ve already seen that these behaviors are effective.
    • Think of someone whose personality you admire - it could be your friend, it could be a family member, it could even be a celebrity. Then, watch them as they engage with other people. Pick up on their body language as well as their verbal cues. They might compliment others or give lots of hugs. Next time you’re in a social situation, try to mimic one or two of their outgoing behaviors.[5]
  3. Role play with friends or family. If you know you’re going to a party, meeting, or other event soon, practice. Ask a friend or family member to act like a stranger or acquaintance you may interact with at the event. Approach them and try a variety of greetings, conversation starters, and other interactions. The more times you do something, the more natural it feels.[7]
    • You could say, "I'm going to a party and want to seem very outgoing. Can you do a little role play with me to see how I might interact with others to seem outgoing?"
  4. Take a confidence boosting class. Search online or ask a guidance counselor or therapist for a recommendation of a class that can help you build confidence. This could range from debate to public speaking to cooking. National organizations like Toast Masters are a great option. You may even be able to find weekend or afternoon classes to help you improve your confidence and be more outgoing.[7]
  5. Seek professional assistance. If you find yourself unable to achieve your goals to develop greater confidence on your own, you may want to talk to a professional. Guidance counselors and therapists have the education and training to help you succeed in your goals to change your habits. There are also peer group programs for anxious people that provide support and encouragement.[6]
    • Antianxiety medications may be prescribed to help you feel more relaxed on a daily basis, if it’s discovered that your shyness is a result of a social anxiety disorder.
    • A therapist or counselor can walk you through cognitive behavior therapies to help you change negative thought processes, and improve your overall confidence, which makes being outgoing in social situations easier.[8]

Tips

  • Love yourself and who you are, and other people will like you too.
  • Don’t spend excessive amounts of time focused on being outgoing. If it doesn’t come naturally, try to do just a few things that show more confidence each day, but don’t push yourself too hard.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 1.5 http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/how-to-stop-being-shy/
  2. ↑ http://www.ascd.org/ASCD/pdf/journals/ed_lead/el_196902_elder.pdf
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 3.2 3.3 https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201106/adolescence-and-shyness
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smart-moves/201408/do-sports-and-other-physical-activities-build-self-esteem
  5. ↑ 5.0 5.1 http://www.xojane.com/relationships/introvert-to-extrovert
  6. ↑ 6.0 6.1 http://www.asanet.org/sites/default/files/savvy/introtosociology/Documents/BecomingAMemberOfSociety37Reading.html
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/j.2164-4918.1980.tb00485.x/epdf
  8. ↑ http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Resource_Centers/Anxiety_Disorder_Resource_Center/Your_Adolescent_Anxiety_and_Avoidant_Disorders.aspx
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