Ask Out Your Best Friend

Having a best friend can provide you much happiness, joy and comfort. Often times, this is the person who knows your deepest secrets, who you laugh with, and who you spend the most time with. Sometimes, you might develop romantic feelings for your friend, leaving you feeling confused or nervous. However, you can ask your best friend out on a date if you set the stage, communicate your feelings to them, and avoid making common dating mistakes.

Steps

Setting the Stage for Romance

  1. Approach your feelings calmly. These romantic feelings that you now have for your friend are likely making you a bit anxious. However, it is important that you stay calm so that you don’t make your friend nervous, too. Take some deep breaths when you see them or when your heart starts to race. Choose your words carefully and speak slowly. Try not to allow your thoughts of them to consume your day; continue taking care of yourself and your responsibilities.[1]
    • If thoughts of them are taking over your mind, distract yourself.
    • Hang out with friends or family who aren't connected to your best friend.
    • Get a project done that gets your body moving, like cleaning the house or painting your room.
  2. Flirt. Begin to set the tone for a potential romance through flirtation. Flirt with them slightly on occasion to assess their feelings for you. If they flirt back with you, this will help you be more confident in asking them out.[2]
    • Lean into them slightly when they are speaking.
    • Look softly at them in their eyes for a few seconds.
    • Smile brightly when you first see them.
    • Laugh at their jokes.
    • Put your hand on their shoulder when laughing.
    • You can also hug them when you see them and when you are about to leave.
  3. Compliment them more. Most people like to be complimented, so use this to your advantage while letting them know that you admire them. If they look nice, let them know. If they do well on on assignment at work or school, let them know that you respect their intellect and diligence.[3]
  4. Throw out hints. You can also begin to hint at you two going on a date. By doing this, you can better gauge their interest in becoming romantic with you and you can determine how to move forward.
    • You might say something like “You know, everyone keeps asking if we date. Do people ask you that a lot, too?”
  5. Look your best. Remember that physical attraction is critical in establishing a romance. Take special care of your hygiene, hair and clothes, particularly while you are trying to garner their romantic interest. Perhaps they like a certain scent; try to wear that fragrance more often.[4]

Communicating Your Intentions

  1. Gather your thoughts. Begin to think about all of the reasons why you like your friend and want to date them. This is crucial so that you can articulate this to them and so that you don’t make a mistake and ask them out just because you are lonely. Make a pros and cons list for asking your friend out.
    • For example, a pro might be that you both have very similar interests and have a good time together.
    • A con might be if they are selfish or your general fear of ruining the friendship should the relationship go awry.
  2. Set aside some time to talk. Ask your friend if they have some time to talk to you about something. Find a time that works well for the both of you. Meet in a place that is quiet so that others won’t overhear the conversation.[5]
    • You can also have this talk over the phone if you are nervous.
    • Consider writing a letter if you feel that this will help you better articulate your thoughts.
  3. Tell them how you feel. Now is the time to open up to your friend about your feelings. Be very honest and genuine with them and try not to be overly dramatic. Talk to them about how your feelings for them have evolved from friendly to romantic.[1]
    • You might say something like “This has been on my heart for a while. I think you are so wonderful and to be honest, I like you as more than a friend.”
  4. Listen. After you have told them how you feel, allow them some time to also express themselves. Avoid preparing your next response to them in your head; truly and actively listen and hear them.
    • You might want to say something like “Well, now you know how I feel. What do you think about us going out some time?”
    • Answer any questions that they might have.
  5. Ask them out. If they respond positively to your talk and indicate that they like you or would want to explore a romance, too, then ask them out. You might say something like “So, I was wondering, will you go out with me this Friday night?”[1]
  6. Give them some time to think. Recognize that this all may feel very new to your best friend and they may need some time to think about whether they are interested or if they want your relationship to change. Assure them that you don’t need an answer right now and are willing to wait on them.[6]
  7. Use your common interests to create an ideal date. If your friend agreed to a date on the spot, then great! Or perhaps they did not give you an answer yet but you feel that they will go out with you. Take some items to plan out a fun date for the two of you that aligns with your interests, but is still romantic in nature.[7]
    • Perhaps you might plan a romantic picnic in the park or a date to the movies.
    • Base the date around something that you are both interested in or something that your friend really likes, such as a concert of their favorite band.
    • Since this is a new experience for both of you, consider choosing an activity that you have both been interested in trying, such as the new mini golf place that just opened.

Avoiding Ruining the Friendship

  1. Don’t involve other friends. Try to avoid involving your friends in this process. Though it is okay to talk to them about your new relationship with your best friend, avoid giving them too many details. In the course of developing this new relationship with your best friend, you don’t want to alienate your other friends in the process.[1]
    • At first, the change in your relationship should remain private. Don't share details until you know that you want to be an official couple.
    • Try not to put them in the middle of the two of you.
  2. Assess your mutual comfort level. Though you have been accustomed to being friends for a while and may feel that you know your best friend very well, remember that you don’t know them in a romantic context. You both know about each other’s various relationships, but at the end of the day, you have never dated each other. Ask questions to find out what each other wants from a partner and a romance.
    • Start slowly so that you each have time to decide if you want the relationship to transition into a romantic one. Rushing things can put pressure on you both to make decisions that you're not ready to make, putting the relationship in jeopardy.
    • For instance, find out how many nights a week they would want to hang out or go on dates.
    • Find out what you both are comfortable with sexually. Don’t engage in any sexual behavior until your friend is ready.
    • Jumping in too quickly can make it difficult if one of you decides not to pursue a romantic relationship.
  3. Don’t pressure your best friend. Perhaps your friend has told you that they do not want to explore a romance with you. Though this might hurt you, do not try to make them do something that they do not want to do. Accept their decision and move forward.[1]
    • To move forward, take a bit of time to heal from this rejection. Cry if you need to. Connect with friends and spend time exploring your hobbies. Perhaps even go on a few dates.
    • Spend some time apart then gradually reconnect by doing activities that you two enjoyed before trying a romantic relationship. Consider hanging out in a group before getting together alone.
    • Make sure that both of you understand that hanging out together is never going to turn romantic. If either of you is holding out hope, then consider other options for spending time together, such as group hangouts only.

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 1.3 1.4 https://expertbeacon.com/how-date-your-best-friend-and-not-kill-your-friendship#.WQtAhnTyui4
  2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201608/how-turn-friendship-love
  3. ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meimei-fox/conscious-relationships-and-romance_b_1069726.html
  4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199603/the-smell-love
  5. ↑ http://www.aish.com/d/w/7-Ways-to-Go-from-Friendship-to-Relationship.html
  6. ↑ https://www.quora.com/How-can-I-turn-friendship-into-love
  7. ↑ http://www.marieclaire.com/date-ideas/
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