Ask a Shy Girl Out

If the girl you like is shy when you're with her, don't sweat it. Follow these steps to ask her out successfully and without making your experience awkward.

Steps

Getting to Know Her Interests

  1. Hang around her more often. The way to a shy girl's heart is to break through her shyness barrier. And that's going to take getting to know her rather than fronting up and asking her out straight away. Find ways that she seems comfortable with that let the two of you spend some time together without strings attached. This could be any one or a combination of the following:
    • Be study buddies. Pick each other's brains for ideas and solutions to schoolwork or college assignments.
    • Sit with her in the cafeteria at lunch and simply chat about everyday life.
    • Compliment her on her reading choices and talk about books together.
    • Visit her performance when she is playing an instrument, hitting a ball or dancing up a whirl. Be supportive by being in the audience and coming up and congratulating her afterward.
  2. Talk together. Do what you can to find chatting opportunities, be they in the hallway, in the library (quietly!) or on the way home from school or college. Perhaps you catch the same bus home or maybe you share the same walkover from class to class––whatever the case, seize the opportunities to have small talk with her. And when you do:
    • Ask her questions to help draw her out of her shell.
    • Be receptive to her conversation. Be a great listener and be supportive of the things she tells you.
    • Don't interrupt her. Let her say what she wishes to say, at her pace.
    • Talk only a little about yourself. She can find out more later, and a little mystery is a great thing.
  3. Get to know her friends. They will be a useful source of support and information as things become more serious. They can also serve as a source of reassurance to her, helping her to realize that you mean well and are worth letting down her barriers for.

Finding Out Whether the Shy Girl Likes You

  1. Notice the little signs that indicate her interest in you. She's probably not going to tell you but she'll be giving away some signals if she does like you. If she does like you, she might:
    • Blush a bit: For example, when you walk up to her and say a casual "hi!", she smiles, nods, blushes, and murmurs something about getting to class, then hurries in opposite direction.
    • Stare a little: When she sees you in the hallway, she will quicken her pace and turn away but look back just before she turns the corner and meets your gaze.
    • Glance at you: If you are in the same class as her, watch her out of the corner of your eye. Don't stare though, you don't want to come on too strong! Chances are she'll be doing the same thing, and quickly turn back to her work if she meets your gaze.
    • Act nervous: She blushes a lot when you are near her or has numerous little smiles that fade quickly.
    • Chews her bottom lip, and acts flustered if you talk to her.
    • Makes eye contact: Eventually, she might be brave enough to meet your eyes, give a small smile, then look away.
  2. Flirt a little. Break the touch barrier and touch her shoulder, lightly tease-punch her, patting her back after something impressive. Compliment her a little, but not too much. Try hugging her that Friday before you go.

Asking Her Out

  1. Be confident in yourself. If you're not confident in yourself, how can she be confident in both of you together in a relationship? Look at yourself in a positive way and believe that you are Mr. Right.
  2. Practice what you will say in the mirror. Imagine that you are the shy girl that you want to ask out. Figure out a comfortable way to ask her out without making yourself feel shy or embarrassed. Don't overdo it though, you don't want a long speech just a cute conversation.
  3. Approach her coolly. Don't walk up to her like you're about to tell her something that will change her life. Act like you normally do when you are starting a conversation with her.
  4. Start with a compliment. Tell her she looks beautiful in that top or that her eyes are gorgeous. It may seem a little cheesy, but this gives her the hint that you are interested and makes her feel like she knows what's coming.
  5. Ask her out. Say something like "Hey maybe if you aren't busy, we can hang out later." or whatever you want to do with her. Say this with your best smile and while slowly getting close to her.
  6. React to her answer. If she says no, simply back down and say maybe another time. If she says yes, act excited and make plans. Either way, you shouldn't act depressed because this will surely make her even more shy around you.

Tips

  • Get to know her first by talking to her and figuring out her likes and dislikes.
  • Make sure you appear clean and handsome by taking a shower a day and brushing your hair. Also, put on a little cologne and chew some gum.
  • Complement her whenever you get the chance so that she likes it. However, do not say or do anything dirty which might embarrass her. This might make her move away from you.
  • Use body language like gently touching her arm or leaning in closer to her.
  • Rather than asking her directly, another approach can be to slip her note while announcing that you like her and that if she likes what she reads, to call you. Inside the note, put down your feelings and your hope that she'll date you, along with a phone number. That gives her the freedom to call you when she's ready. If she likes you, she'll call!
  • Places to take a shy girl: Ask her! She'll give you some ideas. Or, try quiet places where she won't feel she is in the spotlight, such as the movies, a quiet cafe meal, a hike in the local woods, a concert/theater production, etc. Avoid taking her anywhere that she feels she has to perform, such as karaoke, dancing (until you know what she likes) or trivia night with your mates.

Warnings

  • Do not act in a foolish or disgusting manner. This is a major turn off to all girls no matter what she likes.
  • Don't invest too much in her saying either yes or no––do what feels right to you. You'll know.
  • Do not try to kiss her after you ask her out. Just give her a hug and wait.
  • Do not stop making conversation with her.

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