Attract a Super Picky Girl

So it’s finally happened to you. You have a crush on someone picky. People often use the word picky to describe others who have very particular dating preferences. If you’re hopeful of attracting a girl with a reputation for being picky, you’ll need to find out what she wants in a partner and then try to align yourself with those desires. By discovering her dating preferences, attracting her based on your research, and asking her out, you can best attract a picky girl successfully.

Steps

Discovering Her Dating Preferences

  1. Ask her friends about what she wants in a partner. Casually seek out the mutual friends you have with the girl. Find a good time to ask them what she’s particular about in a partner. Presumably there’s a reason you have an impression that this girl is picky, so try to find out more about what you know. Does she only date guys who are into sports, for example?[1]
    • By finding out more about what she likes—or more likely, dislikes—you can put your best foot forward in trying to attract her. If you find out she likes really forward guys, for example, you could tailor your romantic approach to that style.
    • You could say to a friend. “I really like Crystal, but I’ve heard she’s really picky. Do you know more about that? What are her deal-breakers in a relationship?”
  2. Find out what kinds of hobbies and activities she enjoys. By understanding what kinds of hobbies or activities the girl is into, you can better understand her preferences. Take note of any after school clubs or sports she participates in. Pay attention to any cues about her interests based on what she wears and things she likes to talk about, too.
    • Most people find their own hobbies interesting. By finding activities you both have in common, she’ll find you more attractive.
  3. Consider if she has a type. Some people are attracted to a very specific type of look or personality in a potential partner. Finding out more about her exes can provide important information about any patterns of attraction. Any information you can get about why past relationships ended is also valuable context.[2]
    • For example, if all her boyfriends have played tennis, you might want to at least research a bit about tennis before talking with her, as she likely finds it interesting. If she recently broke up with her last boyfriend because he spent too much time at practice, however, that tells you that tennis interests her but she requires someone who will put the relationship first.
    • If you don’t know anything about her exes, see if you can ask a few questions of a trusted friend to find out more. You might say, “Jane seems to love tennis players. I wonder why she broke up with Max, then?” They might be able to provide you with more information.
  4. Check out her social media presence. These days, most people advertise their interests on social media, either through a filled-out profile on a public Facebook page or more subtly in their streams of photos. Take a look through her public photos to see how she likes to spend her time. By understanding what interests her and the places she likes to hang out, you can best tailor your romantic overtures.[3]
    • For example, if you see in her photos that she likes to white water raft a lot, you could mention a recent kayaking trip.

Attracting Her Based on Your Research

  1. Dress with her type in mind, to a point. If there’s a physical look the girl likes, you can dress a bit more like that, as long as it feels true to your authentic self. For example, if she likes punk guys, but that’s really not your style, you could try wearing a leather jacket you already feel comfortable in. Don’t change your entire look for someone, as that is unsustainable. Try to find a way to access what’s attractive to her while still feeling like you.
  2. Ask her about her hobbies. Show genuine interest in her hobbies, and try to find points of commonality. Asking her thoughtful questions shows you’re willing to learn about the things that are important to her and are interested in getting to know her better.[4]
    • You could say, “I noticed you’re in pottery club. Have you made any cool pieces recently?” or “Your presentation about animals in assembly was really good. Do you have any pets?”
  3. Pay a compliment based on what is valuable to her. Once you know what the picky girl values, you can pay her sincere compliments that are likely to be more meaningful to her. She’ll be more likely to notice you and appreciate you if you make her feel special.[5]
    • For example, if she is really into painting, you could say, “I saw your portrait in the art show. The colors were incredible,” or “Your art show painting reminded me of a Dali. How did you achieve that cool effect?”
  4. Avoid smothering her. Picky girls are often looking for a reason to disqualify potential suitors rather than to give many chances to make a first impression. One of the most common mistakes people make when pursuing someone is to do so too aggressively, which can be off-putting. As you get to know the picky girl better, try to give her a little space. You can do this by taking a few days off between interactions.
    • Don’t pay her compliments or ask her questions every day, which might feel like too much.

Asking Her Out

  1. Ask her out with an activity she enjoys. From your social media research, talking to mutual friends and talking to the picky girl herself, you’ve likely found out some things she likes to do. Ask her out with an activity you already know she enjoys. For example, if she is a foodie, you could invite her to a new restaurant. If she loves the outdoors, you could suggest a hike.[6]
    • You could say, “I know tennis is one of your favorite sports. Want to watch Wimbledon together this weekend?”
  2. Allow space after the date. After the date, don’t be too keen to schedule another outing even if you enjoyed yourself. It’s important to give relationships time to develop naturally and asking for too much too fast can be off-putting. Give it a week, and then suggest hanging out together again, if you feel you both had a good time.
  3. Understand if she says no. If the girl says no, understand and move on. She is picky, after all! You might have more luck taking what you’ve learned and trying to ask out someone who doesn’t have such a narrow idea of what they are looking for in a partner.

Tips

  • Be yourself. She will like you for who you are if you found the right girl.
  • If she says she just wants to be friends, she means it. Don't try to convince her otherwise. If she changes her mind she'll ask you out herself.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201511/what-is-it-we-really-want-our-partners
  2. ↑ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-17699/why-dating-someone-whos-not-your-type-is-a-good-thing.html
  3. ↑ http://www.pewinternet.org/online-romance/
  4. ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice_150/185_dating_tips.html
  5. ↑ http://www.rsvlts.com/2014/05/12/first-date-compliments/
  6. ↑ http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_advice/how-to-ask-a-girl-out.html
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