Attract the Opposite Sex
For most people, there comes a moment where we wish we had been able to convert that fleeting moment with the mysterious stranger into dinner, a kiss or maybe just a conversation. Wherever it is, and whoever it is that you wish to attract, there's a lot that you can do to increase your chances out there. Here are a few basic pointers to help out.
Contents
Steps
- Meet other people by going out in public. This begins before you even leave the house. Are you going to get some coffee at your favorite café? Walk past a full length mirror before you take off. You may like to lounge around in pajamas while at home, but that's not a way to grab someone's attention when you're out and about.
- Buy clothes that you feel comfortable in-- you don't want to look stiff. The whole point is that you show you care about how you look, but not too much.
- Dress appropriately; if tonight's plans are to go to the hip industrial dance club, then by all means, wear your Doc Martens and leather wrist bands. Just don't go from the club to the uptown bar unless you truly think you can pull it off. Being comfortable starts by not addressing stares. More importantly though, looking good often means feeling good and that definitely pays off.
- Become a more self-actualized person. Aside from what you are wearing, always remember that the mind is the largest erogenous zone. Be culturally aware and interesting. Knowing a little bit of most topics. Truly knowing about the things that really interest you will genuinely make you a more interesting person.
- Music seems to link many people together. Knowing about bands you don't even listen to is a great social lubricant because "not knowing" shuts down avenues of conversation dead in their tracks. However, saying you've heard Joy Division and really like "She's Lost Control," but think it's a little monotonous shows the other person that you've already given something they like a try to don't like it; likewise, this gives you a little time to catch up and formulate a change in topic, thus steering the conversation into more familiar territory.
- Know yourself well enough that you feel comfortable disagreeing. Nothing is more boring and pointless than someone who always agrees. The other person could be so attractive your eyes glaze over, but listen to them really process what they are saying. Allow the words, "I totally disagree..." to roll off your tongue. This doesn't make you a jerk. It makes you a better person because you're putting yourself out there. Plus, it cuts down on your vulnerability to the other person and transfers it to them.
- Laugh at their jokes. It'll make them feel more comfortable, confident, and relaxed around you. Just don't overdo it.
- Develop a style. Any style will do, as long as it's your own. Uniqueness is crucial because it is what differentiates you in the sea of "other fish" this person has no doubt been told are out there. If you really like that goofy hat at the vintage clothing store and you think it looks good on you, wear it out. Don't be discouraged if people think you're goofy, chances are you wouldn't even want to meet those people anyway.
- Mirror the other person's actions. This not only shows them that you're flattered with them, it also shows that you are noticing their actions.
- Flirt physically. Casual touches are a great way to gauge the direction of things. If the other person seems comfortable with you touching their hand or brushing their arm, then you have a good litmus for their attraction to you.
- You may want to start by simple flirting.
- Make eye contact. Look into the other person's eyes whenever talking. The eyes have been called the window to the soul. Admire them. Genuinely appreciate the other person. Just don't stare for too long. Studies have shown that a person generally will gaze into another person's eyes for about 4.5 seconds if they are attracted to them.
- Eat. If you are self conscious about your weight, hashing out that insecurity by forgoing a meal in front of the person you like is not the right thing to do. It makes people uneasy when the person they are with is basically watching them eat.
- Keep yourself clean and trimmed. Clearly, you wouldn't want a smelly trash monster in your bed, so don't be a stink factory. Also, if you find yourself a little less than fresh in the wrong place at the right time, freshen up in the bathroom first. Easily explain this to the other person by telling them to "wait" gently.
- If someone should joke about their hygiene, cut them some slack and joke with them about it to ease the tension.
- Exchange phone numbers, email addresses, etc. Often the hardest thing isn't the "waiting three days" part, it's the time when you need to pop the question.
- Ask the person out again, if it's clear you should take the initiative. You should gauge who needs to do this by your first meeting. Feel out what you have been talking about. Maybe the other person needs to get off the train at the next stop and you've been talking for the past 15 minutes on your way to work. In that case, ask them if you can call sometime. However, maybe you just bumped into someone at the bar and chatted for a few minutes; in that case give them your number and tell them you'd like to go out sometime. The difference is always in the comfort level you and that person have established. Obviously asking someone you barely know for their number is awkward for both of you, but if you've had enough time to build a decent connection then it's easier for the other person to give up those precious digits.
- Never say "nothing" if a guy asks what your interests are. Don't say "eh nothing". Talk about it. He obviously wants to know. Even if it's something extraordinary, don't make a fuss about it.
- Make plans. This might sound totally crazy, but in the initial few weeks of dating it's nice to know there is a regular schedule that the two of you can count on. If you feel brave, call the person and ask them what they are doing a few days ahead of the "date day" and then tell them something came up and reschedule. Only do this if you need to build tension. Exercise common sense; but at the same time, this gets the other person stewing if they really wanted to see you in the first place.
Tips
- Don't reveal too much of yourself right away. Future dates will include many opportunities for conversation, so you don't want the other person to already know everything about you. Having an air of mystery about you makes you more intriguing.
- Be your self there is nothing worse than a fake personality.
- The other sex is just as nervous as you are around each other at the first or second date.
- Do what you know is right. Show respect.
- Always be polite and helpful.
- Always smile, not a big fake one though, like "I'm happy to be here and feel great" kind of thing!
- Enjoy yourself. The moment that your relationship or date isn't any fun, that's when you know this person might not be the best fit.
- If you want to hold her hand, joke about it first, then maybe things will happen. Maybe you will just end up mutually holding hands.
- Don't be too overzealous to declare the terms of the relationship- in the first few weeks or months it is ultimately more fun and relaxed when you don't try to place titles e.g. "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." This may actually scare the other person away whereas you are moving too fast.
- Leave personal emotional matters out of meeting others, lest you draw them into a conversation better left to an actual relationship. These are best left for when you have actually begun that monogamous relationship.
- Though you want to stand up for him/her, don't fight for her; it looks like you're making up for something. If it comes down to it, obviously protect them, but don't stand up and ask them if they want to fight. It's immature.
- Don't call for a few days unless you've agreed otherwise. This isn't as daring as rescheduling, and can build a little tension and excitement for your next meeting.
- Never lie. Don't make stuff up about how much money you have, because before too long, they'll gonna go to your "mansion" and find that it's different than what they were expecting.
- Exude confidence wherever possible. But don't brag either.
Warnings
- Never let anyone make you do anything you don't want to do.
- In many situations, old adages just do not play out. For example the old adage that opposites attract is often incorrect; rather, people are very much attracted to like-minded souls and are polarized by those who are nothing like themselves.
- Some people are more flirtatious than others so expect that some roads lead nowhere.
- Never mention your ex, particularly if the break-up was fairly recent. The person you are interested in will feel as though they are being compared, and it makes them think that you are not completely over your last lover. It also gives the impression that you are on the rebound and simply looking for someone to make you feel better.
- Don't talk too much about any one subject. So you absolutely love the architecture of Munich, who cares? If you talk about it for seven hours, chances are the other person was just being courteous and letting you talk first.
- Stick to what you know and don't talk about topics you know nothing about.
- On matters of politics, religion and anything else that tends to be controversial, watch out. These things are a minefield, but don't be frightened to walk across minefields in the right situations. If these topics somehow find their way to the surface, don't be afraid to voice your opinions.
- If in the first few weeks of dating, something doesn't feel right it probably isn't. Keep your eyes and ears open and by no means should you hesitate to simply walk out that door. Even if you're in a rut or have been for a long time, believe with all your heart that it is just better to keep shopping around than to be "stuck" in a bad relationship.
- Don't be too generic. While most relationships strangely take about the same curve, telling someone you like their shoes to strike up a conversation is not interesting.
