Behave After Sex

Sex is often the closest two people feel with each other, and is a wonderfully intimate experience. But, without fail, things seem to get awkward right afterward? Ultimately, most people put too much stock in their after-sex behavior, trying to mimic movies and TV by saying the “perfect” line. In reality, however, being respectful, spending time together, and relaxing are all you need to do to keep the intimacy alive.

Steps

Behaving Right After Sex

1. Let the intimacy of the moment fade gradually. Just because you’ve enjoyed yourselves doesn’t mean that the feeling of intimacy should end when the sex does. Put another way – you use foreplay to gradually ramp up the sexual attraction, and you should use the time afterward to gently return to the “real world.” The biggest mistake people make after sex is getting up and leaving as soon as it is over, destroying all of the intimacy you’ve built together.
   • There is no rule saying you have to talk right after sex. Spooning, cuddling, or even holding hands is a good way to slowly relax back into everyday life.
   • If you want to put some clothes back on, keep it casual (underwear, sweats, pajamas, etc.) and hop back into bed. You don’t need to stay naked if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
   • Turn off the phone—no one wants to feel like their partner would rather talk to someone else.
   • Stay out of the kitchen – it is natural to feel hungry after sex, but that doesn’t mean your first comment should be “I could use some food.”
   • Stay awake—falling asleep right after sex will make your partner feel disrespected, used, and unloved.
2. Enjoy some time in silence if the conversation feels awkward. Enjoy the quiet and only speak when you have something to say. There is something incredibly loving about being with someone, enjoying each other’s presence, and not saying a single word. Sex is an intimate act, and a lot of intimacy is unspoken. Try just making eye contact, smiling or laughing, holding hands, or cuddling. When the two of you are ready to talk, you’ll feel conversation bubbling up organically.
3. Keep any conversation candid and casual. After a moment as intimate as sex, conversation can seem incredibly mundane and difficult. Don’t feel like you need to drop a movie-worthy line – you won’t come up with a good one and it won’t sound nearly as romantic as you think. The most important advice for pillow-talk is to be yourself. Be relaxed, honest, and open and the conversation will feel natural.
   • Opening up about your day – share a funny story, talk about work, or explain a new project, hobby, or event that you’re excited for.
   • Asking questions— you don’t need to start an inquisition; simply ask your partner how their day went, if they have any weekend plans, and let the conversation unfold.
4. Tell your partner things that you liked, but be brief. Do not criticize or elaborate at length about the session. However, letting someone know what you enjoyed briefly and respectfully is a great way to keep a connection going and tell your partner your sexual needs. Don’t feel like you need to hear anything back either – asking “did you enjoy that,” puts pressure on someone to get the “right” answer and kills the mood.
   • Keep it brief, as showering someone with praise on their sexual prowess quickly gets weird: “I really liked it when ....” or “That was great when...” should suffice.
   • Never criticize, rate, or offer tips afterward. Post-sex is about enjoying each other’s company and feeling relaxed and respectful, not getting a lecture.
5. Cuddle with a movie, TV, or music if you’re out of things to talk about. Honestly, spending time together after having sex is more important than any conversation you might have. It is tough to go from an incredibly intimate moment like sex to a conversation about the recycling, so find some lazy, bedside entertainment the two of you can share:
   • Watch a couple of clips on a laptop.
   • Share some new music you like.
   • Do the crossword or puzzles together.
   • Sit quietly and enjoy a view out the window or just each other’s company.
6. Consider taking a bath or shower together. Without getting graphic, some people like to wash off after lovemaking. This is perfectly normal, but a good way to prevent your partner from feeling “dirty” is simply to shower together. This is a great way to avoid laying around in bed afterward but still stay intimate.
7. Treat each other with respect before, during, and after sex. Sex is a natural, organic extension of a relationship, not the end-all-be-all of life. So take a deep breath and just enjoy the company of your partner. The mood will already be relaxed and loving, so go with the flow and be your kind, respectful self.

Behaving the “Morning After”

1. Don't disappear on someone after hooking up, especially the day after. Unless you discussed the “no-strings-attached” hook-up ‘’before’’ you hooked up, you should never disappear on someone just because you’ve finally had sex. This tells people that you were only in it for the hook-up. Like it or not, word of your habits will get around, and it is not only disrespectful, it is hurtful to your partner.
   • Don’t ignore calls and texts – respond when you can with a genuine, kind answer.
   • Being available is not being clingy— while you should make an effort to be open and show that you aren’t running away, 1 quick text, call or conversation is enough.
2. Remain friendly and considerate in public. There is little more hurtful than seeing a partner, expecting a hello or hug, and getting the cold shoulder in return. If you are ashamed or embarrassed to be with that person after you’ve hooked up with them, you shouldn’t be hooking up with them in the first place.
3. Spend time together outside of the bedroom. Call your partner and meet for drinks, a walk in the park, or dinner and movie. This doesn’t mean you need to dive right into full-on dating. Rather, you should build a relationship outside of sex that shows you care for and respect them, even if you don’t plan on sleeping together again or want a relationship. Avoiding platonic or non-sexual time makes you look shallow and can make someone feel used.
4. Communicate your thoughts about the relationship. All relationships, sexual or not, need proper communication to survive. This doesn’t mean you need to talk on the phone for hours. It simply means you need to be open and upfront about what you are looking for. If you want a serious relationship and your partner is under the assumption that you are just hooking up, one of you is going to be in for a rude awakening. Trying to manipulate, coerce, or change someone’s mind will not work. Honest communication, however, will get you far.
   • What are you looking for in a relationship?
   • What are they looking for?
   • How do you both see things moving forward in your relationship?
5. Never use sex as a bargaining chip. Sex is a natural, organic part of a relationship, not a tool to get what you want. You should only be hooking up because you already love your partner, and you want to be intimate with them. Sex is not about fun only, but about union with another soul and about expressing your own true love for another. Making demands, asking for favors, or expecting new treatment cheapens the intimate act between you and can ruin a relationship.
6. Don’t change who you are simply because you’ve had sex. Everyone has different ideas about what sex “means.” At the end of the day, however, most sex is simply the growth of a relationship and intimacy, even if only for a moment. No matter what you should be kind, available, and respectful, but you should also take things slowly. Many people, websites, and movies will try and tell you the right timeline, rules, and words to say. But every relationship is different, and there is no “perfect playbook” for how to act after sex. So be kind and considerate. Above all, be yourself.

Tips

• Talk about your expectations with someone before having sex to avoid any awkward or hurtful realizations later.

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Sources and Citations

See also

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• Let Everyone Know You Are Not Dating a Certain Guy
• Attract a Millionaire
• Escape from a Bad Date
• Tell if You Genuinely Like Someone
• Turn Friendship Into Love
• Attract Girls Without Being Annoying
• Attract a Guy
• Marry a Millionaire
• Turn a Girl On

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