Avoid Being Accused of Flirting

Do you have classmates or annoying people always in your system saying you're flirting with him? Here's some suggested steps and tips that might work! Now edited to cover such questions as "what if the boy is your friend?", "what if flirting is just in my personality?" and "what if I really do like him?" Note that some points in the second set of steps may apply to the first, and vice versa.

Steps

If He is In Your Group

  1. This section is if for the boy normally hangs out with your group of friends, or is your friend.
  2. Do not sit next to each other. You will find yourself facing a hundred new opportunities to flirt or act flirty if you are sitting right next to the boy. If you have assigned seats in class, there isn't anything you can do. Asking the teacher to move you if friends have already accused you of flirting is a bad idea. They will think you have way over-reacted, which shows you are too sensitive or really do like the boy, and it might offend him.
  3. Stay with your friends. If your girl friends and you have a 'girl's night out', or something similar when only one or two of you get together, do not insist that the boy comes along. Your friends may be offended that you don't want to spend time only with them, and instant accusations of, "ooh, you like him, don't you?!" will roll around. If it is obvious that the outing is only for a few select people, do not invite extras.
  4. Keep things equal. Even if flirting is in your nature, suddenly paying attention to only one boy will invite comments from your other friends.
  5. Don't go out of Your Way to Avoid Him either. A sudden change in behavior around him may arouse suspicions. Keep cool, act normal. Treat him like you would treat a friend.
  6. Avoid poking/pinching.

If He is Not In Your Group

  1. What to do if the boy does not hang out with your group of friends, but you sit next to him in class or something similar.
  2. Do not insist that the boy hangs out with your group. If the boy you are accused of flirting with, whether he is just your friend or you really do like him, does not normally hang out with your friends, then insisting that he be invited to outings after school will make things seem too obvious. Instead, suggest his name when the invitation list goes around, but do not push the issue.
  3. Do not constantly single him out. If you suddenly insist that one boy should be your partner in all projects, your study-buddy, and he should come over after school so you two can grab some tacos and talk about your latest book in English, it will only invite a plethora of flirting accusations. Besides being awkward for the boy, who will probably also receive teasing from his friends, it is just too much to seek the boy out in every situation.
  4. Do not push invites. If you invite him to eat with you at lunch and he politely declines, don't do anything overly childish like pulling on his arm and saying, "Oh come on, Jason, you know you want to!". Your friends and him both will think of you as coming on too strong, even if you don't mean it.
  5. Do not try to get near him privately. "Private" conversations, or when you take the boy out of a setting to hang out by yourselves, will instantly spark flirting rumors. It is far easier to call someone who wants to spend time alone with a certain boy a flirter than if she invites him to eat lunch with her group.

If Your Friends Call You a Flirter

  1. Accuse your friends of over-reacting. Accusing someone of flirting is considered childish anyway, and is only ever done to get a reaction. If a true friend wants to know if you like someone, he or she will ask in private. If someone says, "OMG, everyone, have you noticed how much Kate has been talking to Erik lately? I think she has a crush...," then just call her out on it. Rolling your eyes and saying something to indicate that the speaker is being immature and childish is a good bet ("Oh, I'm sorry Sarah, are you still stuck in middle school?"), or indicating that the speaker is acting out of jealousy ("Sarah, you're just jealous because I can flirt with boys and you can't.") are good bets. Overall, try to turn the situation around so that the speaker feels childish and awkward, not you.
  2. Ignore them. There is a high probability that they will grow tired of taunting if you do not give them a reaction. Don't get angry or violent. You are the best judge of your situation; in some cases it may be better to ignore them, while in others you should speak up.
  3. Tell them to stop in front of other people. As said above, accusing someone of flirting is already acting immature. If one person has been constantly pointing out how much you have been hanging out with a boy, confront them in front of your friends. Turning around and saying seriously, "Sarah, I know that you think it's cute that I have a new friend, but when you keep saying that I flirt with him, it really pisses me off. Please stop." Showing that you are really angry, and not just flustered, is a good way to shut them up.

If You Really Do Like Him But Said You Didn't

  1. If a friend called you on flirting in the middle of a big group, feel free to defend yourself. Nothing is more awkward then revealing, intentional or otherwise, that you like a boy around other people, especially if he is there and doesn't know. But what to do next? You like him, but just said you didn't.
  2. Single him out later. You need to talk to him privately, possibly by calling him on the phone. While this contradicts a step above, it is OK if you need to correct your mistakes.
  3. Strike up a conversation, if you can. If you don't talk a lot, it might be awkward. Try not to introduce the flirting issue too suddenly. If conversation will be forced, simply come straight out with it.
  4. Bring up the issue smoothly. Again, DO NOT stutter or mumble. These indicate you are far more emotionally attached to the issue than you want to appear to be. Boys like confident girls, be one. Say something introductory, don't jump straight to, "I really do like you!!" Instead, start with, "You know that thing at lunch today?" He'll probably remember. Continue easily. "Jenny just pissed me off, it's not like I hate you or anything." Mention at one time or another that, "It's no big deal, I just didn't want it to be awkward or anything tomorrow."
  5. If you feel like this might be a good time to reveal your feelings, go for it. Asking someone out over the phone can be a good way to start things.

Tips

  • Look serious. People will assume you are lying if you giggle or laugh. A serious look should help your case.
  • Be confident when they accuse you. If you're nervous and/or you stammer while trying to prove you're innocent, they definitely won't believe you.
  • Don't take these things too seriously. Chances are that your classmates are just trying to "get a rise" out of you. Remain calm, and don't let it get to you.
  • Get backup! What are friends for? They're there to help you. Don't hesitate to ask them for advice on what to do.

Warnings

  • Be careful! You might want to avoid hurting the person's feeling that you're trying to prove you're not flirting with him.
  • If he is a friend of yours, then it's best to consider the friendship above flirting. Good guy friends can be hard to come by, and losing one just because you don't want to contain your flirty personality is a bad idea. As the warning above: Don't hurt his feelings!
  • If you are just flirting for fun, he might take it the wrong way. If the boy starts to act interested in you, and you don't like him, be very careful of hurting his feelings. Guys can have low self esteem too. Instead of confronting him about it privately, which could be pretty tense, bring it up when you are with him and your other friends. "You know how I sometimes flirt without it meaning anything? It really bothers me when people take it seriously."
  • He might like you, so he might want to be near you! If he responds to your flirting, consider it a bonus.

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