Talk to Your Crush Without Being Crushed

Have a crush, but wimp out every time you want to say something to them? You're probably afraid of rejection or that you'll say something stupid. Well, cheer up! Your chances are not as bad as you think they are (especially if you and your crush are already friends). Remember, if you don't do anything, your chances will be zero. With this in mind, get ready to strike up a conversation with your crush that won't end in you being crushed!

Steps

Setting the Stage

  1. Put in a little time before you go in and speak to him or her. It pays to be prepared. You don't just take a math test without studying, or pass a driver's ed test without taking a class. The people who put time and thought into winning their crush usually have a better shot at winning them.
    • Try to strike a good balance between preparing and being creepily prepared. Your crush likes getting the extra attention you want to give them, but they don't want to feel like you've been thinking about them every single second for the past three days. That's a bit creepy, even if it might be true!
  2. Spend some time relaxing beforehand. Take deep breaths and practice letting your entire body go limp. This is sometimes easier when you aren't in public. Try relaxing in your bed before going to sleep or when you get home or in the shower.
  3. Think before you speak. You can get over your nervousness — or eliminate it altogether — by taking a moment to consider your options. Practice at home before actually approaching your crush, and you won't be caught in an awkward moment of silence. Take your time, especially if you're about to make a first impression on someone who's important to you.
    • Practice in the mirror. You'll want to make sure you know what you're going to say, but don't make it sound rehearsed. Imagine a variety of situations in which you might have the opportunity to talk to your crush, and act these out in front of the mirror. The more prepared you are, the more confident you'll be during the conversation itself.
    • Have fun with it. Sure, try the serious versions of what you want to say, but also say it in a completely goofy way that makes you laugh. The less serious you take yourself, the more natural you will be when the time comes.
  4. Get to know a little bit about them. Take the time to notice what pictures they have in their notebook, or what they eat at lunch, or which sports they like to play. Knowing these small but important details will help you make conversation later on. It could help you say something like:
    • "I noticed those movies on your notebook. I'm all about movies from the '80s. Do you have a favorite?"
    • Hey, my friends and I were going to play some pickup after school. Maybe you'd want to join if you're up for it?"
  5. Find innovative ways to boost your self-confidence. One of the reasons you're probably afraid of being crushed is that it will hurt your confidence. Don't let that happen. It's crazy to let your confidence be swayed by just one person. Much of your confidence should come from how you feel about yourself. So find ways to boost your confidence before you really start getting to know your crush. That way, you'll be more attractive to your crush and you won't be crushed if something bad happens.
    • Look at your Facebook wall. Studies have found that simply looking at your Facebook wall for 3 minutes can significantly boost your self-confidence.[1] It's worth a try!
    • Spend a little time with your dad. Studies also show that kids who spend more time with their fathers during adolescence turn out to be more confident than those who spend less.[2] Note: It's probably best to hang out with your dad several hours before talking with your crush. It's for the best.
  6. Be outcome-independent. What does that mean? It means put yourself in a position where you don't care whether your crush likes you back. Why is this important? It's important for two reasons. It helps you deal with rejection, which is ultimately something you're going to have to do. (If you're not getting rejected somewhere along the way, you're not trying.) And secondly, it helps you have a healthier relationship with your crush. Instead of building the crush up to be a superhero who will save everything in your world, you treat them like a normal, but special, person instead.
    • What? you say. Why would I do that? I don't even have control over it. You may not. But sometimes, we think about our crushes so much, and we imagine what life would be with them, that we start to develop unhealthy relationships with their imaginary selves. These imaginary relationships become so unhealthy that we can't imagine ourselves being without this person, all without the other person even knowing.
    • If you're outcome-independent, your confidence grows. This is attractive to a lot of people. You don't feel that getting rejected from any one girl or any one guy is a big deal, and so you shrug it off. Your confidence is bigger than the rejection of one person.

Making Your Move

  1. Approach your crush when you are alone. The first time you interact on a personal level should be in a casual situation without too many other people around to distract you. The middle of the dance floor would not be great place to have a lengthy conversation, for example.
    • Go up to your crush during lunch time in the cafeteria. Ask him or her if you can sit next to them and begin to strike up a conversation. It's often honestly as simple as that.
    • Talk to your crush at a party. Whether it's a birthday party or a pool party, if you're both invited, you have an excuse to talk to them.
    • Interact with him or her through one of your mutual friends. If you're friends with one of his friends, go up to the friend and start talking, waiting for him to give you something to say.
  2. Introduce yourself. If you've already formally introduced yourself, then all you need to do is say a simple "hi" or "hello." Remember to look your crush directly into the eyes when you say hello. You're unintentionally saying a lot if you stare down at your shoes while saying hello.
  3. Ask your crush about himself or herself. Ask thought-provoking things that relate to your current situation—"why" and "how" questions are typically best if you want to talk for awhile. These often lead to in-depth discussions that both of you can participate in, which is ideal when talking to a crush.
    • Remember to try to avoid simple "yes" or "no" questions. If you ask your crush "Did you go to school in Canada?" they don't have to give you a long answer. If you ask your crush "What was it like going to school in Canada?" they'll talk a lot more.
    • Ask them about their background. Where are they from, what do their parents do, how do they know so-and-so, etc. People, your crush included, love talking about themselves.
  4. Remember to interject occasionally if your crush is telling a long story. Meaning ask a few questions while he/she is telling the story. This will show them that you are paying attention to what they have to say. If you come up with a story to tell, make sure your crush has finished talking before you begin, and keep it short and sweet so your crush doesn't think you're full of yourself.
  5. Pay attention to your body language. Your body language communicates a lot, whether or not you want it to. Sometimes, your body will says things you can't help. But a lot of the time, if you're aware of what your body is saying, you can correct it if you ever notice it betraying you. Here's what to pay attention to:
    • Eye-contact. Making and keeping eye-contact says that you're interested in what the other person is saying.
    • Face in their direction. Face your body in their direction. It means you're interested in what they're saying and aren't shy.
    • Smile. Smiling says the other person makes you happy.
    • Flirt with body language. Especially if you're a girl. Gently bat your eyelashes, twirl your hair, or touch their shoulder.
    • Laughing at their jokes. Even if the jokes aren't that funny, smile and do your best to humor your crush.
  6. Don't use pick-up lines! Whatever you do, don't use pick-up lines. They're horribly cheesy and they don't really work. If you're a guy and you can't think of what to use other than a pick-up line, read this article on how to start a conversation with a girl.
  7. Don't take yourself so seriously. Seriously. If you're like a normal person, being close to your crush is going to drive you insane. And when you feel that way, you're likely to do, well, stupid stuff. Shrug it off. If you trip over your words, say something like "Wow. I can't speak. I guess being close to a beautiful girl will do that." If you trip over your shoes and he comes to pick you up, asking "Are you okay?!" say something like "Sure, I really thought I nailed the landing."
  8. Ask for a date. If you feel like the conversation is going well, don't hesitate to ask when your crush is free again. This can be anything from a couple of minutes at lunch tomorrow to a bona fide date with movie and dinner — your request will depend on how confident you feel and how your crush acts while you're talking.
    • Once you've thought it through and you can tell they are interested in you, don't worry about asking when you can see each other after this.
  9. Be aware of the situation. You are not necessarily going to get a warm reception when you first try to initiate conversation. If your crush seems disengaged or bored, ask if anything is wrong; maybe it's been a bad day, maybe they've got something on their mind.
    • If there doesn't appear to be anything distracting your crush and his or her annoyance with you still seems to be heightening, excuse yourself politely, make a quick escape, and consider trying another day.
  10. Handle rejection calmly. It's possible that your crush just doesn't feel the same way about you. If you determine that this is the case, the two of you can still talk, but you have to accept that a romantic relationship between you is unlikely.
    • There's nothing worse than feeling unrequited love for someone who's completely unaware of it, so if your crush friend-zones you, just accept it and move on.

Tips

  • Your appearance isn't nearly as important in this context as your ability to carry on a conversation, but looking nice can't hurt, so spend a little extra time on your choice of outfit, hair,how you smell, and makeup (if you wear any). After all, first impressions are forever!
  • Giggling, blushing, fidgeting, and hair- or face-touching are all signs that manifest themselves if you're talking to someone you like. If your crush does any of these things, take note—it likely means that he or she is nervous around you, too.
  • If you flub a word or blurt something out without thinking, play it off with a laugh or a shrug. Your crush might not even notice if you don't make a big deal out of it!
  • Try to stay cool and confident, but don't act cocky.
  • All you have to do is be polite and don't really freak out. It might end up better than you expected.
  • If you're concerned about what you're going to say, make a list of questions/topics to bring up if the conversation starts to falter. Topics that interest both of you will make talking much easier.
  • For anyone who's seriously worried about talking to a crush, ask one of your friends to scope out the situation before you go up to your crush. If they are in the mood to talk, your friend should be able to pick that up and let you know. If not, try again another time.
  • Just be your self around your crush.
  • Don't follow your crush everywhere it can get a little creepy!
  • If you do not want to talk directly to your crush, talk to one of their friends and maybe your crush will chime in.
  • Don't freak out if they're giving you mixed signals. They simply may not know how they feel, but if you do, keep showing your feelings and they might discover their feelings to.
  • If it's the last time you'll see your crush, tell him/her how you feel about him/her. If you aren't comfortable, then write your crush a note, give a hug, and move on. You'll always find someone around the corner.
  • Show interest, but don't lead him/ her on!
  • Try to find seats next to him/her if you're in the same class. It works well!
  • Don't start talking to loud or go of topic try to keep it smooth.
  • Find out what they are interested in and try talking to them about that. It will really make the conversation flow a lot easier!
  • Don't fantasize having a relationship with him or her. Sometimes you can get too deep with this imaginary relationship and will end up getting crushed easier. Instead of fantasizing a relationship, think about a conversation with him or her until you think you're ready to start up a conversation.
  • Tease them, but in a nice way. If he or she teases back you know it's working. Usually this is the most fun conversation you can have.
  • Don't forget to breathe; breathing while talking to your crush is very important. It helps you focus a bit more and calms you down, so breathe.
  • And just be you because if he doesn't like you for you then he's not worth it beautiful :).
  • Make sure to always be yourself, because everybody else is already taken!
  • Don't get really hyper around them and do silly things. They might get the wrong idea and just think you're not up to having a relationship just yet.
  • Make sure to get to know him REALLY well before asking him out. If you simply just like him or her without letting your crush get to know you well, don't ask them out right away. Hang out in class or at lunch.
  • If you are way too nervous around your crush, then just pretend that he's one of your guy friends. It will make you more comfortable to talk to them.
  • Take a deep breath and go talk to him/her.
  • Be yourself, he might notice you lying, so just be yourself don't change ENTIRELY for a boy.
  • If you are nervous take a deep breath before you talk.
  • Don't start off trying to talk to them alone! Get in a group environment so they can get to know a bit about you.
  • Avoid saying 'like' in your conversation. Your crush might lose interest in you for saying the same word, and it'll make them a little annoyed.
  • Ask them to hang out. This will get you closer to them, and get to know them better. You guys will also be alone, which will make you two have a chance to talk more.
  • BE YOURSELF. One thing I could not ever even think to do was talk to my crush; I didn't have to anyway. He started talking to me. But when he did, I acted natural. Your crush doesn't want you to have to act like someone else. There's only one you; and that's you.
  • Try to get to know their friends. They'll feel more comfortable around you if you know their friends.

Warnings

  • No matter what, always act as natural as possible. Most people can tell when someone's being fake or inhibited. Besides, don't you want your crush to like you for who you are?
  • Know that after a certain number of failed attempts, it's time to throw in the towel. Even if you think you can make your crush like you if he or she talks to you enough, that kind of strained relationship will inevitably end in heartbreak.
  • OK, so s/he'll like you to have an interest in him/her, but don't go over the top with the questions. And don't say "where do you live" because your crush will be really creeped out.
  • Don't freak out. As long as you've practiced and prepared enough, this won't be a problem—in your head you should already know what to do under any circumstances.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.news.cornell.edu/stories/2011/03/facebook-walls-boost-self-esteem-finds-study
  2. ↑ http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2012.01826.x/abstract
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