Avoid Celebrating Valentine’s Day Without Letting Down Your Loved One

Valentine’s Day may be a highly anticipated holiday for many couples, especially if you're celebrating your first or second such occasion with a loved one. However, as much as some people romanticize the day, others consider it to be a “Hallmark” holiday marketing ploy and would rather skip the flowery and expensive meal merrymaking for an evening on the couch knocking back a few cold ones while watching the game.

If your honey has his or her heart set on a highly romantic Valentine’s Day, but you aren’t up for going through the motions, you can make it through this often mushy day without hurting anyone’s feelings with these handy suggestions.

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Steps

  1. Make it clear from the outset in your relationship that you simply don't "do Valentine's". At least that way, your honey will be certain of your disinterest in the occasion and will be prepared for the grouch routine each time the day comes around. However, be sensitive––highlighting your contempt for the occasion by pulling together a pile of sociological data confirming how many other people feel the same way as you won't make your date, spouse or partner feel any more convinced that you're right; all you're doing is confirming that you'd rather be intellectually aloof (and just a tad superior) or slothful on the day instead of being heart-filled and romantic.
    • Sometimes the seeming lack of authenticity lies behind hating Valentine's Day. While it is obvious that commercialism pervades the holiday, it is still in your hands to make the occasion special, unique and non-commercial, thereby restoring the authenticity to what is, in effect, a celebration of love.
  2. Ponder over why you don’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Why does the thought of February 14th make you frown? In some cases, your disdain for the holiday possibly goes beyond just Cupid and his bow and arrow and signifies something a little darker. If you see it as part of a huge consumer conspiracy, then hopefully you're dating someone with like views; if not, you'll have an awkward time convincing you love your honey while disintegrating the whole idea of romance simultaneously. Some emotionally driven reasons behind detesting Valentine's Day might include:
    • Death of a loved one. Perhaps you don’t like to expose your emotions because you lost a loved one on or near Valentine’s Day. When people experience tragedy on or near a certain holiday or special day, they may want to ignore the happy people around them and pretend the day isn’t occurring.
    • You got dumped on Valentine’s Day. Another good reason to shun the holiday, is if your mate broke up with you on Valentine’s Day. If this is the case, you may have an unusual amount of anger and resentment toward the day.
    • You’ve historically had a bad day on Valentine’s Day. Perhaps you’ve experienced an unusual amount of bad luck on Valentine’s Day or recall the awkward high school days when everyone you liked around Valentine’s Day would go for your best friend or the coolest kid in school. Or maybe you got the worst gift ever on Valentine's Day and now see it as a gimmicky occasion.
  3. Consider how your sweetheart will react if you blow off the day. While you may cringe at the thought munching on chalky conversation hearts, your honey may have been mentally preparing for the big day for months, even down to hoping you'd pop a big question, arrange a special dinner or shower him or her in diamonds or an overseas vacation. Consider how much he or she is really into Valentine’s Day; you may both be going through the Valentine's motions when both of you would rather drop the whole celebration. In the latter case, could there possibly be an affinity for wanting to skip it? If you don't really know what your spouse, partner or date thinks about celebrating Valentine's Day, now is the time to discuss it honestly together.
    • Test the waters before you discuss Valentine’s Day. Mention that you noticed the day was coming up and see what kind of response you get; don an online search and pull out a study that talks about Valentine's Day as an entry point into talking about Valentine's Day. If you get a slight smile and a shrug you may be in good shape for skipping it. However, if he or she starts clapping his or her hands and jumping up and down with anticipation, you may have to suck it up for one day.
    • Ask what it is your lover likes best about Valentine's Day. If it's the fancy chocolates, maybe a trip to satisfy the inner child on the day after with a big annual candy spree would be fun. Is it being seen in public at a restaurant being romantic with an audience, or is it being able to have a good story to tell to friends at work? Some people see Valentine's Day as something more public than personal--a day for open display Of affection to show off that they're lucky in love. If they had a lot of lonely Valentine's Days in the past, this may be balm to the kind of old wounds you're trying to heal and talking about it can help you work out exactly what you're doing and why.
    • Picture what would happen if your honey wants to celebrate the day and you skip it. Will he or she be outwardly angry or will you get the silent treatment? Another aspect to consider is the passive aggressive reaction where you think your mate seems “good” with your decision but only to have you come home later to find that all your underwear took a trip through the shredder.
  4. Ponder a compromise. What’s the harm in just playing along to make your honey happy? Could it be possible that you could meet the day halfway? Unless it is far too painful (in which case, honesty in discussion is the best policy), consider celebrating the occasion––just not to the extent he or she was expecting.
    • Lay your feelings out on the table. If your better half knows that you experienced serious trauma on Valentine’s Day, he or she may want to join you in the boycott out of solidarity.
    • Ask your mate what you could do to make the day special without going “all out.” Perhaps exchanging romantic cards over dinner will let him or her still celebrate the day without you having to totally commit to the holiday. List what he or she would expect from a great Valentine’s Day, compare it to your list and chip away until you arrive at a day you can both enjoy.
    • Consider an unconventional Valentine’s Day. Ask him or her if you could still “celebrate” but do something unusual like rock climbing or white water rafting instead of a romantic candlelit dinner for two. Ask for his or her opinion about what might make for a cool unconventional day––your honey’s ideas may be better than yours.
  5. Forget harping on about the evils or pointlessness of Valentine's Day altogether and reframe the day as a jolly good excuse to eat great food and indulge in some fine drink. Provided you can stop yourself from wincing at the Valentine's Day ephemera and you can get the whole gift thing out of the way quickly by being generous and actually getting one, you can enjoy the day as an excuse to go to that restaurant or bar you've been longing to visit for a while. Or, use it as an excuse to go on a brewery tour or to bring home two boxes of Godiva chocolates on the grounds of holding a "tasting" night. Looking for the silver lining in the day can dispel your dislike for the actual event and allow you to have some fun.
  6. Be somewhere else. That work trip you've been needing to take for a while but have been putting off? Suddenly it could be imperative that you go right now. Alternatively, and a lot nicer for your love life, go on vacation together at this time. Then the entire time away can be the subject of romance and Valentine's Day won't be able to compete but will fade in to being just one of the many romantic days you're sharing.

Tips

  • Design a special day for him or her that could replace Valentine’s Day. Include favorite foods, activities and a gift that will make Valentine’s Day look like mere child’s play.
  • Be honest about your feelings instead of sulking or being down on Valentine’s Day. Instead of just grunting about your disdain for the day, verbalize your feelings as to why you would rather skip it; your honey is most likely not a mind reader.
  • Try to be understanding of his or her feelings about the day. See if you can’t meet halfway.
  • Get some romantic stuff and surprise her with it on a different day. This can be a good way to work around Anniversary Reactions, pick a different day to celebrate it on.

Warnings

  • Not trying at all on Valentine's Day can be a sign of contempt for your entire relationship. If this is the case, you've probably got larger problems than not celebrating Valentine's Day and it may be time to reassess the relationship.
  • Don’t diminish Valentine’s Day if it’s a big deal to your loved one. That will only cause tension and a fight on this most romantic of days.
  • If budgetary constraints are the reason underlying your dislike of Valentine's Day, keep things simple and affordable. Make dinner at home, play video games together or watch a favorite DVD with a box of chocolates you'd not normally indulge in. Remember that while diamonds might be forever, hugs are free and inexhaustible and are probably the kindest, most connecting and best gift of all.

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