Be Cool Without Being Bullied by Jealous People
Everybody wants to be cool, right? One thing that can stand in the way of feeling good about yourself are the bullies. Bullies pick on people they perceive as being better than or different from themselves, in a misguided attempt to make themselves feel better. They purposefully seek to leave the other guy or gal feeling bad. The best thing you can do in this situation is learn how to be cool and avoid the mental, and sometimes physical, harm perpetuated by bullies. Find out how you can be cool (and still avoid the bullies) after the jump.
Contents
Steps
Trusting in Your Own Worth
- Be yourself. Being yourself is trusting in your own worth and not being afraid to express yourself. When you let others see your real self and the fact that you believe in what you're doing and being, other people find this alluring and see it as something to look up to. you are unique, and you don't need to join a clique to validate yourself. Make your own friendships, on your own terms.
- Being cool is being yourself in an outgoing way, even if you are quiet. It is not about being sullen or passive/aggressive.
- Don't try to be like anyone else. Live life for who you are and what you believe matters. Don't lose sight of yourself or your morals. Being cool isn't about changing who you are, its about being confident enough to let people see how awesome you really are.
Allowing Others Their Dignity
- Remember that people are your equals. Even a group of people is equal to you. Whether you're talking to a potential employer, a group of wealthy donors, a child, a stranger, the President of the United States, or an attractive guy or girl, remember that they are neither better than you nor worse than you. They are human beings with the same rights and responsibilities you have. Treat them Treat Others With Respect.
- Be respectful of other people, but expect that they will accept you in turn. In other words, just as you are expected to treat them with respect, expect that they will return the favor. When someone is disrespectful to you, ignore them until they figure it out. Do not ignore as if you didn't hear your antagonist; instead, casually and conversationally disregard their hurtful, hateful or ignorant remarks. There is usually an undisclosed reason that they didn't show respect towards you or the person didn't do what you asked of them. It may be because they are unhappy, someone hurt them recently, they felt that you were disrespectful towards them, or because they were never taught the correct way to act around people. Provided that you understand there is some reason behind their behavior, this will allow you to be willing to find out what the reason is, as long as you want them to respect you.
Understanding the Motivation to Bully
- Understand why some people seek refuge in bullying. People bully for a number of different reasons. However, the most common reason that people resort to bullying is that they're envious of something you represent and that they don't possess, such as status, money, smarts, or health. Or, they may be jealous of your relationship with someone they want to have in their life too.Be sympathetic, for trying to be like you is a strange form of flattery and it shows that they are truly misguided by not realizing that bettering themselves requires looking deep within, not scouting for scapegoats external to themselves.
- Know the type of bully you're dealing with. Along with understanding why people bully, you need to understand what kind of bully you're dealing with. The most common types are:
- Aggressive bullies: These people are likely to abuse physically and without hesitation. Aggressive bullies hurt people to get their anger out physically and make you fear them. However, aggressive bullies usually get into the most trouble when you report them. Some aggressive bullies might threaten you by saying something like "report me and I'll beat you up". Learn to ignore the nonsense threats, they won't touch you.
- Taunting bullies: These people are verbally abusive (calling names, making jokes, teasing, etc.). Taunting bullies usually work when there's a big crowd around you so they can make people laugh. They aim to make you hurt on the inside as opposed to on the outside. They could hurt you saying something against the way that other people think that you're cool. Remember that this is only because they wish people thought they were cool and they're trying to act big so people respect them.
- Cyber bullies: These people harass other people through instant messaging, e-mail, and any other electronic means. Cyber bullies hide behind computers so that they don't have to face you. Unlike the other two types of bully, cyber bullies very rarely strike when you're with other people. This is because they can easily be caught out; what they've said is on the chat history. Cyber bullies often have nothing to say when you're around them, however you should still stay away.
Sidestepping the Bullies
- Avoid the bullies. Don't pass them and don't talk to them. This does not mean be scared and hide, but things will only get worse if you cross their path. If you are in class, ask to be seated far away where they can't hurt you, physically or mentally.
- Show minimal reaction to bullying. Do not show the bullies that you feel hurt if they do something that makes you uncomfortable; just walk off. Bullies gain satisfaction from making others feel hurt or uncomfortable, so giving them a reaction may only encourage them further. Instead, make them look silly by just leaving them to it, they'll find themselves shouting horrible things for no real reason.
- Be consistently non-reacting. The tactic of not reacting to a bully may backfire initially, depending on the bully. Read the situation carefully. Some will feel safe tormenting you, as they enjoy that action itself, if they see that you aren't suffering from their actions. However, given a little time, such as days and weeks, most bullies will give up because your deadpan reaction becomes boring and they realize that they truly can't break you. Keep with it!
- Be aware that you cannot talk sense to an irrational person. Walk away with dignity, saying you have better things to do with your time. And mean it; fill your time with things you enjoy doing, as it serves as a great distraction and builds your talents instead of wasting time worrying about the meaningless taunts of unkind people.
- Catch the bully out. This step ties into the next, so be sure to read them both very carefully. A good way to end bullying is to catch them out. You catch out different bullies in different ways. Since you have already identified the type of bully (see above), you just need to identify the way to sort them out, as follows:
- Aggressive bullies: Aggressive bullies are probably the scariest, however that doesn't mean that you shouldn't report them. Catching out an aggressive bully is also pretty easy. They'll probably be trying to hurt you as much as they can, leaving bruises and cuts everywhere. Simply show these bruises to an authority figure and you're sorted. Also, if you know that they always get you at a certain place, you could get that authority figure to hide and watch or get a close mate to hide and film it. Give the film to whoever you're reporting them to. Make sure they record it with your device. That way, they can't show other people because you have the footage.
- Taunting bullies: To catch out a taunting bully, you could record them saying something mean with a sound recorder or phone. Simply keep the recorder hidden in a pocket while they shout mean things. Make sure the recorder is well hidden and don't accidentally say anything mean to them, as you could get into trouble too. When you go to report them, play the recording back. Try to get one with good sound quality so it can be easily heard by those you're asking for help from.
- Cyber bullies: Cyber bullies send messages through texts or social network sites such as Facebook. If they're texting you, save the texts and show somebody. If they're bullying you online, you can do two things. The first thing is to save the messages then ask to log on and show the person that you're telling once you get to their office. The other, simpler, way, is to screenshot the mean messages and print them all off. That way, it can't go missing. Print a copy off for yourself too. Keep dates and times where possible, to verify the extent of the bullying behavior.
Reporting Bullying
- Report serious bullying to an authority figure. Consider your parents, school guidance counselor, principal, or someone else who can punish the bully and protect your safety. It's important that you talk to someone about your problem to get it to end. Do not worry about revenge that the bully may take if you report the incident; they will hurt you anyway and appeasing them doesn't solve your problem.
- If there is a bullying survey in your school, always write your name down. Do not be embarrassed. You will probably start to talk to someone who is very experienced and this can be surprisingly helpful. You might want to talk to your Mom, Dad or guardian too. Remember: Never be embarrassed by your situation. You are a normal and good person and you're equal to everyone else.
- It is very important to learn self-defense. It is always better to use the bully's strength against them, rather than to attack. Should you need to fight, do so with all your strength, not half-heartedly. The defense courses will teach you to do this. There are many martial arts to choose from--pick yours and learn.
- A quick kick in the groin will make the person feel dazed and look embarrassed long enough for an escape. Bullies aren't always used to others getting the best of them.
- If the bully is grabbing you or pushing you, it's actually an advantage. Try real hard to keep your balance. Grab one of his or her arms with your left hand and hit his or her elbow with the other. Then, using your left hand, push away the remaining arms.
- If the groin doesn't work, try the solar plexus (right below the ribs), or kick a knee to make the person trip.
- Run and call for help.
