Avoid Someone

Managing relationships is always difficult, and sometimes the best thing to do is to just get away from the person for a period of time. Avoiding someone shouldn’t be a permanent solution and it shouldn’t be a way to avoid addressing a problem with someone. However, if you really need to be away from someone there are certain strategies that can help.

Steps

Removing Someone Toxic From Your Life

  1. Evaluate how necessary it is to remove someone from your life. Are they only a minor annoyance? If you don't feel like your interactions with this person are greatly affecting your quality of life, then maybe you can take a less dramatic route.
    • If someone is annoying and you don't want to hang out with them anymore you can just stop answering their calls and talking to them as much. Don't hang out in the same places or talk to them and pretty soon they will get the hint.
  2. Tell them you don’t want to interact with them anymore. This is an incredibly difficult conversation to have and it is inherently hurtful. Try to be as calm about the situation as you can be. Don’t blame the person or get angry, just try to be firm in your decision. Tell them your reason and then leave. Don’t let yourself get drawn into a long discussion - if you are making this decision you should be completely sure before you say anything.
    • You have the right to tell someone you don’t want to be around them anymore, but don’t expect them to take it well.
    • This is obviously very difficult for a lot of people. However, if you decide it's really important that you don't speak to this person anymore it's more respectful to tell them in person rather than let the relationship fade out. For example, tell them that you don't think your friendship or relationship is a good fit anymore, and that you would like some space. Tell them that you hope you can be friends down the line, but for now you don't want to talk to them anymore.
  3. Cut off lines of communication. Do not continue to text the person or call them or sit next to them. Once you have made it clear you don’t want to spend time with that person you must follow through on your statement. If you are wishy-washy you will confuse the person and make the process much more difficult. Once again, try to avoid being rude and hateful to the person. [1]
  4. Consider a court order. If the person is a real threat to you or the people around you it might be a good idea to consider a restraining order. This is an order that you can get from a court to legally restrict the person from coming near you. This is obviously a very extreme step to take. Only pursue this option if you feel truly threatened and unsafe.
    • The first step is to file a claim at a local courthouse and review your claim with a judge. They will help you from there.

Avoiding a Toxic Person

  1. Avoid places where this person is most likely to be. [2] Where do they hang out? Where do they live? What areas are they most likely to be in? If they are at your school, where do they hang out at breaks? The more you know about the person's whereabouts, the better you can stay away from them.
  2. Switch up your routine slightly. You shouldn’t change your whole life, but if you’re avoiding someone it is probably a tense period of time for both of you. If they always go to the same coffee shop as you, maybe you should check out another coffee shop for a few weeks. Don’t dramatically alter your life, but it might be a good idea to switch up your routine to see less of this person.
  3. Ignore the person. [3] Do not make eye contact with this person. This might make them want to come over and talk to you. If you pass the person on the street it’s perfectly reasonable to act like you haven’t seen them. If you are obviously walking directly past each other, just nod your head at them and keep moving. You don’t need to pretend the other person doesn’t exist, but don’t invite any further interaction.
  4. Avoid situations where you will be alone with this person. If this person is your coworker or peer you may be forced to spend time around them. However, you can ensure that you only are ever around them in groups. Don’t stay late working at your office if they are also there. If you are at a party and they are there, stay in rooms with many other people. This will help you avoid having to deal with another confrontation or interaction with the person. [2]
  5. Have an escape plan and stay firm. If you’ve already told the person you don’t want to interact with them anymore and they keep trying to talk to you, think of an escape route. Try to be polite like if he/she comes and talks to you. Do not try to offend the person, but be very direct. You have the right to tell someone that you don’t want to spend any time with him or her anymore.
    • If they still won’t leave you alone, make up an excuse such as, "I'm really sorry, I'm late,"

Continuing to Live Your Life

  1. Don’t let this person change your life dramatically. [4] It’s not a bad idea to switch up your routine in small ways to avoid seeing this person. However, you shouldn’t constantly be in fear of running into the person. Just because you have a bad relationship doesn’t mean that you should totally change your life around.
    • For example, it’s not a huge deal to go to the gym an hour earlier or later if you know they will be there at a certain time. However, you shouldn’t have to quit your job or drop a class at school to avoid seeing them.
  2. Feel comfortable in your surroundings. Surround yourself with the people that you do want to spend time with. [5] This person is no longer a part of your life, so move on and don’t let their presence affect you. Have a good time with your friends and be who you are. Do the things that you like to do with the people you like being around.
    • For example, don’t let your interactions with this person you want to avoid change your personality. Be the bigger person and don't be intimidated.
  3. Move on. At some point you might have to move on from whatever anger you hold toward this person. Once a certain period of time has passed they will understand that you want nothing to do with them. You should be able to have a civil conversation with the person, especially if you work with them. Don’t spend any more time around them than you have to. However, once the emotions of the situation have calmed down hopefully they can become a much more minor issue in your life. [4]
    • Determine if this person can reenter your life. If you don't find yourself constantly worrying about the relationship anymore, it might be okay to let this person back into your life slowly. If you were in an intimate relationship with someone and then you got hurt you have to wait until the intimacy has completely faded. Once you don't feel anything for the person anymore maybe you can start interacting with them at public gatherings.

Tips

  • Try to make the person realize you don't want to talk to them. If they talk to you say something like "Sorry, I have to meet Sally at the gym in five minutes."
  • In extremely hostile cases get a legal document such as a restraining order, this will make it clear to the other person you want no contact.
  • Ask a friend to help you. You can have them step in between you and that person to stop any possible conversations.
  • If they are continuously bugging you tell them how you feel and why you’re avoiding them. Address the situation honestly.
  • Do not try to interfere when they speak. Be a patient listener. This will certainly keep both of you at peace and the situation won't be made worse.
  • Be polite and stay with your friends. If you live with a mean or annoying person just leave them alone.
  • Once again, don't purposely try to offend anyone.

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/9-ways-to-manage-people-who-bother-you.html
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 http://www.lifehack.org/294859/how-smart-people-deal-with-people-they-dont-like
  3. ↑ http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/relationships/etiquette-manners/proper-way-ignore-someone
  4. ↑ 4.0 4.1 http://affirmationsforpositivethinking.com/blog/positive-thinking-and-your-surroundings/
  5. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/01/08/13-healthy-ways-to-comfort-yourself/
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