Be Friends with a Recent Ex Immediately
We all know how hard it is to go through a breakup, especially when you don't want to lose the person you love. But what about those people who want to remain friends with their ex without the waiting period usually associated with 'healing', or who have to see their ex on a regular basis? Here's a handy guide on how to stay friends with a recent ex immediately.
Contents
Steps
- Make sure that you and your ex-partner are happy to remain friends. This doesn't work if one party wants to be isolated for a while, or feels the need to ignore the other. This step is absolutely crucial; talk it out if necessary. While this is an extremely emotional time, it is important to ensure you are both certain on where the other stands.
- If you want your ex back as a partner, don't get desperate. This is very hard to do, but not impossible. If you feel like giving in and begging your ex to take you back, give a caring friend your phone, or generally avoid contact with you ex, if only for the moment. The desperation will pass and you'll feel better for not letting your emotions talk for you. There is a reason you broke up; getting back together immediately will not be healthy for either of you in the long run.
- Try not to think about the good memories of you and your partner. Try not to think about the sadness of the break up, either. You need to focus on the current day and nothing else; give yourself goals and try to achieve them, like tell yourself you will clean your room or finish that last chapter of that book you wanted to read.
- Try to keep things as normal as possible with your ex. If this means texting them asking how they are or what they're doing, that's okay (but make sure you pick up the signs, you will know if they don't want to be disturbed). It is pretty important here to keep a normal routine.
- If you need to cry, do it. Maybe even take a few days for yourself to cry whenever you need to, without judgment or feeling embarrassed. Take a sick day from work, or skip school or uni for a day. Grab a box of tissues, some chocolate, and a friend or a stuffed animal, and go to town. Crying is healing, and after a day or two you will not want to cry any more.
- Eat as if you don't feel ill, and drink water like you're dehydrated. All that crying and stressing can play havoc with your body, and it is essential that you look after yourself as much as possible.
- Relax a little. Go to bed early and get a sleep in. Sleep is very, very good.
- Try not to stress about little niggling thoughts. If you think about something upsetting, come up with a con for it, e.g: "I'll miss sharing a bed" could instead be "But I don't have to fight for the blankets!" Thinking is what can hurt you the most, so be careful.
- When you see your ex, remember to keep calm. Deep breaths work like a charm. If they are as keen as you are to continue being friends, they will be trying to do the same thing.
- Don't go out of your way to be too friendly. Be polite, answer their questions, and ask questions if you want to. Try to stay away from touchy topics, as both of you will still be upset; that is normal. Smile as much as possible. They will know you're upset, but it's good to act like you're not.
- Make every meeting with your ex a pleasant experience. That way you will both be more inclined to keep seeing each other as friends, and that's the overall goal!
Tips
- Remind yourself that the sadness will go away and be replaced by something new and exciting.
- Make sure you know who you are, and have goals and aspirations, as an individual during this process, and in the future. You want to do things for you, and not for your ex.
- If things turn sour, remind yourself that you are a confident person, and you need to surround yourself with people who make you happy. Find new friends, get a new hobby, find new love if you're up for it.
- Make sure you act like yourself. Don't be someone you're not. Always be yourself.
- Friends always comes before lovers. If you really want your ex back, it is important to get back to - or even supersede - the level of friendship you had before you were dating, or when you first started dating, before you think about taking the next step again.
- Try not to listen to people who tell you to stay away from your recent ex. There are exceptions to the rule of 'isolation', and you and your ex may just be that exception.
- Make the most of your ever-changing relationship with your ex-turned-friend. It's not very often you get to be a part of something so strange and awkward, so just deal with it the best you can!
Warnings
- Do not act on any physical desires you may have. You will regret it in the end, and all of your mental and emotional preparation will be for nothing.
- Make certain that you and your ex are in the right state of minds to be friends immediately after the breakup. It may not be the right thing for you, and it is incredibly hard to deal with the sudden transition from partner to friend. If you need time alone, take it. No one will begrudge you that.
