Be Good Natured and Loving

Being good-natured may be part personality, but it is also part effort. Loving others can be difficult sometimes, but by building healthy relationships, developing a positive self-image, and making positive lifestyle choices, you should be able to begin your journey to being good natured and loving. Remember that any change takes time, so stay positive!

Steps

Building Healthy Relationships

  1. Communicate. Good communication is key for any relationship and takes work, especially for people from different backgrounds. A little thoughtfulness in what we say can go a long way, as can a little patience with others.[1]
    • Be honest. Honesty is essential in any healthy relationship. Remember to honestly express your opinions, needs, and wants, but don’t use that honesty as an excuse to say hurtful things needlessly. Rather it should be the cornerstone of healthy communication.[2] For instance, if you feel hurt by something a friend has said, instead of shutting down or lashing out, you might say, "I was hurt when you said that you didn't like my truck." While it might not seem like much, reframing the conversation from blaming to explaining can help start a productive conversation that could deepen your friendship.
    • Listen. When people feel listened to, they feel like you care about them. As well as being a sign of a healthy relationship,[2] listening allows you to understand others better, and sometimes even yourself, as you can see more clearly how others see you. You might also summarize what someone has said to you. For instance, you could say, "So you're saying we should go to the mall first instead of the grocery store."
  2. Trust others. Without trust, no healthy relationship can last. If people don’t feel like you trust them, they will be lest likely to trust you. It can make you feel vulnerable to trust people, but opening up and learning to rely on others can help you feel healthier and happier. Simply allowing others to help you when you've expressed a need for help can go a long way toward increasing the feeling that you trust them.[2]
  3. Reciprocate when people trust you. While trusting and relying on others is important, it is important to reciprocate. In other words, if someone trusts you with their car, you treat that car as you would your own (or better than your own). If someone trusts you with a secret, you keep the secret as though it were your own. And be willing to return the favor, when someone trusts you.[2]
  4. Value others’ differences and contributions. One of the most important aspects of building healthy relationships is simply to value others. Some of the most good-natured people seem to do this effortlessly, making people feel special for their achievements and empathizing with others’ struggles. Taking time to think about others’ strengths, as well as your own, can help you see what others bring to the the table.[3]
    • Make sure to express the value of others. For instance, you might say, "I really appreciate Susan's contribution to our discussion today. It really helped me see things in a new light."
  5. Keep up a sense of playfulness in your interactions. While not every situation allows for playfulness, it is an important component of most relationships.[1] Being playful can help others relax and talk more freely. It can also build a sense of affection between you and your acquaintances. However, be careful not to have fun at others’ expense. Rather, bolster people’s esteem with your playfulness.[4]
  6. Avoid joking about people's looks, sexuality, race, gender identity, relationship status, different abilities, class, or any other identity-based kind of joking. While you may be well-intentioned or see it as "just a joke," such joking can cause lasting harm for the people you choose to joke with or about.[5] And no one likes to feel like they're the butt of the joke, unless, they're the ones telling the joke about themselves.
  7. Be patient with people. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has foibles. Remember this as you develop patience for others. This is a key component of being good-natured, as it allows people the room to make mistakes and feel that they can come to you in their moment of need.[6]
  8. Resolve conflicts peacefully. While conflicts naturally evoke strong emotions, it is important to remember what your goals are for the relationship before attempting to solve the problem.[3]
    • Discuss the issue without resorting to fighting, shutting down, or merely submitting.[7]
    • Instead look for what might be causing the conflict and go from there to finding a solution that works for everyone involved.
    • Look at resolving conflict as a means of developing, rather than damaging a relationship.[7]
    • While some conflicts are truly difficult to resolve, many can be resolved by communicating and empathizing with others.[8]

Developing a Positive Self-Image

  1. Appreciate your strengths. To develop a positive self-image, it can be important to you’re your own strengths. Make a list of your strengths and acknowledge your gratitude for those strengths to yourself. Acknowledging your own strengths will make it easier to acknowledge and accept strengths in others, and may help you refrain from unhealthy comparisons that will lead to anything but being good-natured and loving.[9]
  2. Maintain your separate identity.[1] Remember that others’ experiences are not your own, and their perspective comes from their own experiences. If you realize this and affirm this for others, you will seem good-natured and kind. Also, remember, that trying to make others in your image, or wanting all of your acquaintances and friends to agree with you on every issue is not only unrealistic, it can cause lasting damage to those relationships.[10]
  3. Make reasonable and measurable goals. Part of building a positive self-image is making and achieving goals that are important to you. Doing so can help you appreciate other’s efforts, and can also give you a structure for improving your relationships with others.[9]
  4. Work through thinking distortions. Thinking distortions are when your mind changes something into something it is not. A completely rational anxiety about a test, can through the thinking distortion of catastrophizing, become make the test seem like an insurmountable obstacle, and that entire success of your life will hinge on passing the test.[9] In nearly all circumstances, we know this is untrue, but when thinking becomes distorted, it can be difficult to see that we are seeing things unrealistically.
    • While everyone experiences thinking distortions to some extent whether it be rationalizing, catastrophizing, or some other thinking distortion, some people may need extra help from mental health professionals to deal with them.[11]
    • However, evidence-based thinking, which is where you analyze whether your thoughts are factually true, can help to improve self-image, as well as help with conflict resolution.[12]
  5. Don’t compare yourself to others. Comparisons can lead to self-doubt, jealousy, and envy. While it is fine to admire others for their contributions, it is important to realize your own value and worth. Besides comparisons can quickly erode friendships and professional connections, while appreciation can help strengthen them.[9]
  6. Foster a healthy body image. Feeling great about the way you look is not the same as fitting some pre-scripted image society has dictated. Rather it is about appreciating your body for exactly what it is now. Unhealthy body image can lead to all kinds of mental health disorders and decrease your overall self-image.[13]

Making Positive Lifestyle Choices

  1. Watch what you eat. Recent studies have shown that food can affect your mood. When you’re in a bad mood or irritable or tired, it can be difficult to be affable or kind.[14]
  2. Eat with people. Several studies have shown that eating with other people can help improve relationships. Whether it be family, friends, or co-workers, eating with others can improve performance and social well-being.[15][16]
  3. Exercise, especially with other people. Exercise increases endorphins, which, to put it simply, make you feel better.[17] Exercising with people has been shown to help you feel happier about the relationship, as well as to help you exercise better and more efficiently.[18][19]
  4. Get enough sleep. Sleep is one of the most necessary ingredients for any positive lifestyle change. Without sleep, you are more likely to make worse decisions and feel cranky. You definitely won’t be feeling very loving if sleep deprivation is making you irritable.[20] One study even suggests that sleep deprivation can make it hard to distinguish facial expressions, one of the key ways we understand our interactions with others.[21]

Tips

  • Be yourself, and accept others for who they are.
  • Don’t forget to give yourself time to make changes.
  • Avoid judging yourself or others as you attempt to become more good-natured and loving.

Warnings

  • If you are struggling with anger management issues or with social anxiety, you may need to contact a mental health professional.
  • If you are in an abusive relationship, no amount of being good-natured or loving will change that. Reach out to your local helpline.[22]

Related Articles

Sources and Citations

  1. ↑ 1.0 1.1 1.2 http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/health-resource/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships/
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 2.2 2.3 http://girlshealth.gov/relationships/healthy/index.html
  3. ↑ 3.0 3.1 http://counseling.uoregon.edu/TopicsResources/StudentSelf-Help/HealthyRelationships.aspx
  4. ↑ http://www.prevnet.ca/bullying/educators/the-difference-between-teasing-and-bullying
  5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/quiet-revolution/201509/sometimes-joke-is-not-just-joke
  6. ↑ http://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/activities/basic-rights-relationship
  7. ↑ 7.0 7.1 https://www.rochester.edu/ucc/help/info/comconflict.html
  8. ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/empathy/definition
  9. ↑ 9.0 9.1 9.2 9.3 http://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/healthy_living/hic_Stress_Management_and_Emotional_Health/hic_Fostering_a_Positive_Self-Image
  10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201102/staying-compatible-staying-yourself
  11. ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/15-common-cognitive-distortions/
  12. ↑ http://www.byui.edu/counseling-center/self-help/stress-management/challenging-faulty-thinking
  13. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/body-image
  14. ↑ http://dujs.dartmouth.edu/2011/02/you-are-what-you-eat-how-food-affects-your-mood/#.V07cqpMrI_U
  15. ↑ http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/07/the-importance-of-eating-together/374256/
  16. ↑ http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/jennifer-newman-eating-lunch-with-colleagues-can-boost-productivity-1.3509016
  17. ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469
  18. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/5-reasons-why-couples-who-sweat-together-stay-together
  19. ↑ http://www.ox.ac.uk/news/2015-08-31-researchers-discover-completely-legal-performance-enhancer-friends
  20. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201404/why-your-relationship-depends-good-nights-sleep
  21. ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/07/150715103516.htm
  22. ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
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